I didn’t even want to write this Stupid F*cking Article!
I mean no one is going to read it anyways!!
No one cares…
It’s not like I’m changing anyone’s life with my posts!
And even if they did want to read my article….
I’m apparently so wildly inappropriate that FB will just take it down anyway because I’m so offensive.
My sailor mouth and my slutty talk every now and then about sex and having an orgasmic life.
Told I look “cute” or patted on the head like a fucking 3yr old for my content and shares. My Masters, years of work with people, and life experience can feel as if gets tossed out the window.
And let’s not even talk about the fact that the only videos that get massive attention on Youtube are the ones where I am talking about something super sexual or half-naked…
I mean am I even making a difference?
Am I even making an impact when I see a post/video that I threw my heart into only get a handful of “likes”.
Like a little dove with my heart attached to it. I send it out bright and excited to fly out into the world.
To shortly after meet a huge Mack Truck and get squashed… blood, guts, and birdy remains all over the place. Not a pretty site.
Nope, I don’t want to write this Stupid Fucking article.
Hmm, I should just not even write.
Yup, I’m done.
Fuck this shit!
(silence)
???????
???????
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???????
???????
(The series of emotional reactions and actual faces I was making)
But, But, But…
Wait a minute.
I like writing my articles.
I like sharing my heart and when I do I feel as if I am following my souls calling.
And didn’t I just journal on how even if I had a million dollars that I would still be doing what I do???
So why would I steal that from self?
And why would I be self-centered and steal the message that I feel is spirit led from the world? Am I that self-centered and unloving?
Just yesterday one of my favorite quotes from Martha Graham came across my feed (SEE QUOTE BELOW)
So who am I to determine what is valuable to everyone, to the world, and steal that beautiful expression from my own soul.
This morning I sat with my ego for a moment and also the tenderness that I’ve been experiencing the last day or two. I breathed it in. I took it to my business mentor (got her famous look of “I hear you, I’m holding space for you, but your spewing B.S. right now and so I’m just going to wait here until you come back to yourself”).
I also recognized that my ego and emotions were in high gear. And that I was indeed spewing crazy in my own head. But ya know… sometimes we all have to have a few minutes of crazy.
And so I asked myself the hard questions…
Is any of the above true?
Well, I do cuss like a sailor and so that is true 🙂
Lol
Seriously though…
I do what I do because I love it and not for anyone or anything else. Yes, even money!
I get paid because my courses, my coaching, and my workshops are fantastic and worth it.
But I have chosen it because I love it.
I share this because we never know how we are touching the world and it is not ours to judge. We can never know how someone will read something and it changes our entire day or simply makes us feel for seen, heard, or understood. We touch many lives each day without ever knowing how.
No matter what business you are in, your relationship status, the number of kids you have or don’t have, your race… we are all touching this world and the only thing we can do is to listen to where we feel guided. Tune in and do THAT.
So even if only one person reads my article and their day get’s a tweak for the positive in some way then I have done my souls work. And in truth even if not one person ever read another post or watched another video. I’ve still done my souls work because that unique energy that is mine and mine alone has been sent out into the world.
So,
Yes… I am making a difference.
Yes… I do want to write this article
Yes… I do want to keep sharing my heart
Not for you but for me.
And if you come along with me then that is a beautiful blessing and if not… that’s cool too.
Also, to remind everyone, especially my clients, that thinks coaches don’t get stuck in their own shit. Surprise & You’re Welcome…we do too!
Just tend to either avoid the massive spiral before it begins or get out faster after years of practice.
The truth is…
“There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep yourself open and aware to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open. … No artist is pleased. [There is] no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others”
― Martha Graham
As always… and continuing forwards…
Sending you all,
Love, Light & Blessings,
Addison
www.addisonbell.net
