It started with some grumbles
Okay, if I’m honest that’s ALL it started with…grumbles and cursing under my breath!
I didn’t really desire to do this!!
And that was the whole point.
I could be getting this or that done my ego screamed.
Hmm, I could lie and say I did it… Ugh, but I suck at lying… like really really suck. Plus, I know I need to do it even if it doesn’t feel good rubbing up against this resistance.
This is what you get when you ask for assistance and accountability. My ego and spirit were in full on raging war.
“This is stupid”, I thought! And laughed at the absurdity of that thought since I give this to my clients and it’s a practice that I began years and year ago.
I began running the bath water…
I dropped in some bubbles and nice smelling salts
I lit the candles that I had been saving (while reminding myself that I was worth the special candles)
I got a nice big glass of water since it was what I was craving and turned on the quiet meditation music.
Time to romance myself! (Insert big eye roll)
And yet the scene did look quite pretty.
A couple of minutes wouldn’t be so bad.
I slipped into the warm water and gave myself a few minutes of breathing and feeling into my body.
Feeling where my ego was hating this and feeling where my breath was constricted.
I felt resistance and fear rise up.
I felt my mind wander as I pulled it back to the moment.
I tuned into where the warm water was playing at my legs
The sway of my hair floating this way and that
The coolness whenever my nipples would rise from the water from my breathing. Where the warmth began to engulf my skin. Feeling all the sensations.
I continued on to stroking my body and again felt the ego…felt the disconnect and mind beginning to wander. I continued the breath to my genitals and continued the soft caressing of my body as I relaxed in.
Stroking the arms, the chest, the belly, the legs, hands through the hair, back down my midline.
As I dropped down into the moment
As I dropped down into my sex
As I dropped down into trust with self
The trust to be in a dual role tonight
Trust to be the giver and trusting self to touch with care, with intent, and with love
The trust to be the receiver and to open up and allow whatever comes around and simply tune into the sensations as they rise
Playing with both my masculine energy and feminine energy.
I continued this self-love session feeling both the moments of flow and ease where my energy flow and felt like a symphony of pleasure and also the moments where my body retracted and simply was sharing messages of needing more time and places and levels it was not ready to open too.
The waves in that little bathtub were immense….the waves of orgasmic energy. The waves of feelings and sensations. The waves of self-connection and embodiment. The waves of learning self over and over again.
I give an exercise to my personal clients surrounding mindful self-pleasure and most people don’t really love it when this is their focus work post session. Usually, there is a multitude of reasons I give this exercise and truth is it is the way we should always be treating self.
Well, fast forward to a few days ago and I was challenged by someone close to me to restart the exact practice that I give to my clients after feeling sensually depleted.
The practice that I know will do so very much for my energy and sensuality overall. Thinking that connection with lovers is enough or by the simple busyness of life it can be a challenge to make time for and then can be almost painful to re-establish. I love this practice and know it can be powerful.
Not that I’m not mindful with self in pleasure consistently but this is a whole deeper level! This takes times and intention. This requires no corners to be cut. This requires honesty and full acknowledgment of self.
Yes, self-care as a challenge but the key is that it’s not even self-care… this brings up all the self-LOVE stuff. It shows you where you are living from… the masculine or the feminine. It shows where you can slow down even more. Get even more mindful with not only your body but with your sex.
And funnily enough, I had been stressing right before this about frustration with an ad that I had been trying to run for my business. No matter how I tried it just wasn’t working… denied, denied, denied…
So off I went for what started out as forced self-pleasure and some slow down.
After I got out of the bath, mindfully put on some lotion and robe I went over to peek at my phone. A huge green notification… “Your ad has been approved”
That’s what happens when you step into the receptive mode. All that you have been waiting for begins to flood in once you raise the vibration.
If we don’t force ourselves to do the things that we know will feel good in the end and that is soul aligned then we stay closed off to our blessings. We miss out on our growth and expansion.
Open up to receiving on all levels.
All the beautiful energy and pleasure!
You deserve it!
Sending you all…
Love, Light & Blessings,