So, there are relationships in your life that are damaged? That still are worth the effort to you to spend the time healing, but you don’t know how! You don’t want to throw the baby out with the bath water but at the same time you can see the cracking or crumbled destruction around you.
The truth is that we all find ourselves at some point in a place in a relationship where we know the relationship needs some healing, whether it be a romantic relationship, a friendship, a relationship with a child or family member. In truth the deepest relationships in our lives can be the most gratifying but also the ones that wound us and require the most healing.
The first question to really ponder is if the relationship is worth saving? Did you ever find joy in the connection? Did this relationship ever lift you higher or bring positivity into your life? Is the brokenness due to circumstances or due to true lack of love in the relationship? And simply do you desire to transform and grow with this person or are you ready to throw them out?
The answers to whether you want the relationship or not may fluctuate but if you can get truly in touch with yourself then you will know the answer. So, assuming the other person wants to step into the healing process as well then there are many elements that go into relationship rehab!
Communication!!!
Clear, open, and honest communication will always be the first step. Being able to acknowledge with the other person that healing needs to happen is essential and allows both parties to have a common goal of healing. When two people even acknowledge that healing needs to take place then an immediate level of care gets taken.
That being said there is extreme importance in the communication of boundaries and feelings. If the other person has no clue where you are at then the chances of misinterpretations and assumptions will greatly increase. Communication is key! If there is no communication, then there is no healing happening in the relationship itself.
Moving forward
Okay, so things got said, feelings got hurt, trust got broken, and ego’s won out. Now what? I’m not telling you to ignore what has happened! Though due to our ego’s and how we encoded things into our memories the truth is there are things that happen in relationships that may never be fully understood or seen. So, process but don’t try to over process. Sometimes the best thing is to move forward.
We are constantly changing and as a result so are the relationships we are in, and so that being said I suggest starting from where you are in the moment. Beginning to rebuild and transform the relationship into what it needs to be instead of trying to recreate something that did not work or was no longer a fit.
This means you may have to reestablish new boundaries. You may have to slowly rebuild trust. Though the constant rehashing of what has happened will not help things move in the right direction and will only continue to return negative energies into the relationship. Find ways to move forward and reconnect.
Watch your Non-Verbal Communication-
Most of what we communicate has nothing to do with the words that come out of our mouths. What communicates the most is tone, posture, eye contact, and other micro-expressions.
When we are healing a relationship, it is imperative that we first off watch our non-verbal communication in order to not send unintended message and also that we utilize the non-verbals to help actually heal. An act of simply making soft eye contact can help in helping you communicate and reconnect, especially if you take the tantric perspective of looking left eye to left eye which creates a deeper emotional connection. Simply showing someone that you are looking at them and seeing them can make a huge difference. As well as using more open posture and stances in order to show an openness to the relationship.
Again, this can be difficult when moving through conflict with someone but so very important to allow the right messages to get sent!
Lighten things Up & Love
When we have been through conflict and are re-healing it can be easy to fall into the habit of making things too serious. At times the best way to reconnect in a relationship is not to focus on all the heaviness but instead find areas that you can have fun or communicate in more light-hearted way. This is not saying to avoid anything a bit heavier but to simply not get stuck in this and to allow depth to redevelop over time.
If you can find things to laugh, joke, or light-heartedly chat about then you are creating more positive energy and opening things up to love. In truth if you can get back to a state of seeing the other person from a place of love then you are on the healing road despite what happens in the future of the relationship. After all, if there is no love in a relationship then there is no point in keeping it around!
Sex It Up
Alright, a few things here before you get too carried away. First off this is for healing in romantic relationships and I don’t mean you should run to the bedroom to fix everything. Though in romantic relationships there is a healing energy that can happen when we engage in touch and pleasure. This can allow us to truly drop into ourselves, get us out of our ego’s and more engage with all our feelings and sensations.
Now, if you are in a huge argument jumping into bed angry will potentially exacerbate the situation or create an exchange of negative energies. However, if you and our partner are working over time to heal a romantic relationship then touch and physical connection is a very important element and one that can easily get left out of the equation. A slow and soft love making session can be truly healing if approached with a loving intent.
Do Your Own Work
The truth is if you are not doing your own work in any relationship then you are not going to be able to authentically reconnect with another. Taking time to stop to notice your ego and where you have gone wrong, judged, or acted out of alignment with self, allows not only the relationship to grow but also you yourself.
The saying goes that hurt people, hurt people and so allowing yourself to heal your wounding and recognize your triggers makes you a healthier person to engage in relationships. The fact is that our relationships are the places where we project and get to see ourselves and then offer a huge opportunity for us to expand within ourselves.
If you do not take time to look at your own action, then the likelihood of you repeating those very actions are high. If you truly want to heal a relationship, then it will ultimately have to start with you going within.
Focus in Only on The Relationship
Everyone has something to say and there are a whole lot of people out there that enjoy the drama of seeing two people struggle. When we are having a fallout with someone oftentimes others can have the best of intentions in wanting to help and support, but they can actually get in the way of the healing process.
This is instead how rumors get started. We get angry for things that we weren’t angry about prior because others begin to point out flaws in the person you are in a fallout with and even more negative energy gets stirred. Let’s be honest that stories easily get altered in the retelling and that it doesn’t matter how old you are, gossip happens and can only eat away at relationships. As well as the retelling of our wounding over and over only reaffirms our victim stories within ourselves.
If at all possible avoid getting other people involved but if this is not possible then take the time to process but try to find a neutral party. Find someone who can help find a place of being healing and solution focused instead of jumping into the emotion of things with you. Also finding a support person that does not mind calling you out on your side of things since relationships always require two people’s actions and reactions.
Work to keep the healing and processing of the relationship between you and the other party as much as possible. This helps to not only stop misunderstandings and gossip, but it also requires you to communicate and express yourself to the other person.
Relationships require work because they are required to transform as we grow, or they will eventually fall apart. Though relationships are so vital to the pleasure and enjoyment of life. Don’t give up on a relationship just because it requires you both to step into healing, growing, and some uncomfortable work. This simply means you are being given the opportunity to make your relationship stronger and more enjoyable then before!
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