“I’m going to set boundaries…”
“I’m going to set boundaries…”
“I’m going to set boundaries…”
You give yourself this pep talk over and over again. You focus in determined for the things you need to do for yourself and in order to meet your needs/desires/goals.
Yet, in the moment you fail to set the boundaries that you know are needed. You convince yourself that you are a good person for helping to see this other persons needs and give of yourself. You teeter on the edge of martyrdom.
I mean you are helping to meet someone else’s needs and forgo your own!
The problem being that you can’t meet someone else’s needs when you are still so empty. It would be one thing if you were overflowing with joy, abundance, energy, finances, and vibing high but you are pouring from an empty cup.
You try to fill yourself up with small “hits” of pleasure but it’s not enough. You aren’t filling yourself from a soul level but instead from a surface level. You aren’t doing the hard self-care of setting boundaries, buckling down, doing your soul work… Instead it’s easier to escape into these quick pleasure hits. It’s easier to simply leave… physically and mentally. It’s easier to never have to set the boundaries.
You convince yourself you are meeting someone else’s needs by this lack of boundaries, when in truth you are meeting NO ONE’s NEEDS…
Not even your own!
That other person is not getting the best of you.
You are just draining yourself and reveling in the negative energy of all the things that should, could, need to be getting done. And the mix messages within self and especially to other are bountiful.
You scream and demand for boundaries….
You don’t understand why other’s don’t hear you and respect you.
You push people away and pull other people in just to see the same events happening over and over again…
You set rock solid hard core boundaries that have no movement…. these are too rigid and fail because they aren’t YOU
You feel torn…on one hand you really do want to be able to give and share of yourself with those around you. These people that you care about and people that are entering your life. Yet, you also desire to be selfish and have your own needs met.
And right now no one’s needs are getting met because…
You aren’t giving the best of yourself… to self or other.
It is often that when we are trying to set boundaries, and we do much of this at the beginning of a year, that we try to set these massive wall like boundaries in our lives. And concrete walls aren’t human.
We usually focus on the huge boundary breaks.
But often this is actually not where the problem lies.
Yes, there are those people and times when a huge boundary break will happen. We work through these in those big moments.
Though these are not usually what is pulling at you and draining you. These are not usually the ones that need to be focused on.
Usually the small boundary breaks and the presentation of these breaks to others in your life are where things fall apart and you feel chaotic.
They are not the INTENTIONAL leaning in and flexibility that is a requirement of relationship, life, and our boundaries in general. Because the healthiest boundaries do have fluidity.
No these are the boundary breaks that you are making day in and day out and you don’t see or you simply don’t acknowledge.
?This is the time you set aside for yourself but a family member calls to chit chat about drama
?This is the project you internally don’t want to do but you do it anyways because you think you “should”
?This is the person that just drops by continually throwing your world out of whack
?This is the blowing off of a “slight” disrespect that eventually becomes big
?This is letting someones inappropriate expectation of you go without correction
Again we aren’t talking about those conscious intentional choices we make to flex a boundary or simply reset a boundary. Because that is actually a healthy and beautiful growth and acknowledgement of self/other. That is listening to your core and your spirit on how things need to flow.
But true, small boundary breaks will eat away at us!
They will become huge boundary breaks and we will look around at our lives and wonder why no boundaries ever stick. And they will eat away at all the good in our lives….
?and ALWAYS our relationships
And surprise, surprise….
It’s no one else’s doing but our own. We manifest our own worlds. We teach people how to treat us. And although it would be amazing if we all were telepathic and just knew… our boundaries must be verbalized directly.
And when we aren’t respecting our own boundaries this shows our lacking inner game of self-love, self-respect, and self-worthiness…
And BAM…. this shows up in our world.
Also, as I said we manifest our own worlds….
If you continue to focus on and put energy/attention to those that aren’t respecting your boundaries then this is what you will get more of in your world.
If you are constantly going over how this person or that person isn’t respecting your boundaries then you are telling the Universe… please send me more people that won’t respect my boundaries.
If you constantly are focusing on the “squeaky wheels” in your life then you will manifest more “squeaky wheels”. You are validating them to continue stepping over your boundaries by giving them your time, attention, and energy.
If you don’t know your own boundaries then you can’t hold onto these boundaries.
So what does one do?
1) Look at where you are letting your own boundaries go or you see cracks
2) Look at where maybe you have set too harsh of boundaries and maybe more fluidity needs to be present
3) Focus in on the energy and people in your life that are currently respecting your boundaries in order to manifest more of this energy
4) Fill yourself up! Truly up and not with surface level crap self-care. No, with the hard stuff and the soul guided filling.
5) Respect and honor that when you are not meeting your own needs it is bullshit to think that you can meet anyone else’s needs. There will always be the energetic component missing.
Boundaries can be tough but they can set us up for beautiful energy in our lives. They can create harmony in our lives, our relationships, and most importantly within self. They will allow us to meet our own true needs and thus be able to truly provide others with a heart of love and support.
Your worthy of respect from others and respect of self!
Love, Light, & Blessings,
Boundaries are a huge part of our sexual relationships. And luckily I will be teaching a LIVE TRAINING on January 5th …
The REAL Sexual 1, 2, 3’s
Steeping into tips, trick, techniques to guarantee a better bedroom and sex life. We will talk about many practices to improve your sexual energy and to make your sex life better solo or coupled!