The truth is that certain values CANNOT co-exist! There will always be a prioritizing of values.
So what are you values and what are you prioritizing?
This all came to me the other day when chatting with a client and him sharing that one of his top values was to be authentic/honest and another being to not hurt others.
Immediately my internal conflicting statements light started going off!
Because if we are being authentic with self and living honestly then we will indeed hurt others. Hopefully not intentionally or from a state of malice but we WILL create situations where they will get hurt.
On the flip side if we are always walking around and attempting to not hurt others feelings then we will be out of alignment with authenticity.
As well as the fact that when we are not being in authenticity then we are hurting others because we are not being honest and transparent with them. We are hurting the relationship and thus them by hiding ourselves.
When discussing “not hurting others”… this is a value we can not truly live by and when attempting to hold tight to this perceived value, end up in guilt/shame. We have zero control about what triggers another.
Lets take cheating… So a man is cheating on his wife and has kids at home. He has verbalized his discontent in the relationship, need for sexual connection, etc. and that if things don’t change he was going to have to look outside of the marriage. THIS conversation might create “hurt” in the woman. He might choose to not “hurt” his wife and kids by throwing their world into chaos with divorce and thus going outside the marriage to meet his needs not being met in the marriage…which could create “hurt” if she finds out. He might choose to not cheat but then there is low energy and he is always unhappy at home…causing “hurt” in his kids/wife because he is not being authentic. He might choose not to cheat and get out of the marriage and his now ex-wife is left “hurt” and financially struggling.
?One woman might say that him removing his finances, the connection they did have, and time with the kids was the greater hurt!
? One woman might say that him being sulky and inauthentic was the biggest hurt!
?One woman might say that him having a relationship with another woman was the biggest hurt!
I’m not supporting going out and cheating on your lovers, spouse, or partner. Though I’m trying to show that “hurt” can often be in the eye of the beholder.
Now if the prioritized value was authenticity… then we simply follow what our core tells us is the way.
Though I digress…
When we don’t take time to look at what our values are and then what we choose to prioritize… then we are out there swimming lost. This is a soul disconnected way of living.
We will always come to a point where one value must win out over another and if we want to live from a place of alignment then we better have an idea over what the hierarchy is!
?Freedom & reliability
?Hard work & Joy
?Comfort & Growth
One value must always supersede another but the issue is that most people are not stopping to become aware of first what their values truly are and secondly what they are choosing to prioritize.
Awhile back, and actually I’m getting ready to jump into this personal work again soon, I wrote out all my values. I prioritized them. In looking at my values I quickly realized that at times I was prioritizing values that were not at the top. For me this meant that I was not always acting out of full alignment.
If you find this same issue when doing a values inventory this could mean one of two things.
#1 The perceived values that you think are you values aren’t actually your true core values. In that case look at what are your true values.
#2 You just aren’t living in accordance with your core and you might be allowing life to determine your values instead of going internal for them.
But prioritize them you must!
Also, look at your goals. Are your goals in alignment with you values? Are your values going to support or hinder your goals? This is a whole different article but an important one to also look into.
I challenge you to go and list out all your values and then start eliminating until you get down to your top 5 values in order. Then journal on if these values are how you are currently living your life.
Sending you all…
~Love, Light, & Blessings~
Addison
www.addisonbell.net
