He’s a bit of a fixer-upper!
Have you ever watched the children’s movie “Frozen”.
I have but I’ve never listened intently to some of the words of one song.
While camping the other day this song came on and I recognized it as a song from Frozen. I quickly became quite concerned about some of the words.
“So he’s a bit of a fixer-upper,
but this we’re certain of
You can fix this fixer-upper
Up with a little bit of love!”- Frozen
And as I listened my mouth gapped.
This is HORRIBLE to be teaching children
But the truth is that I see this ideal in my adult couples and particularly when working with my female clients. They believe that if they simply love their partner enough that he/she will completely change.
The truth is that if you are trying to fix your partner then you are not truly loving THEM. You are instead loving the idea of them.
Love can bring out many beautiful aspects of a person
Love can add energy for a person to make desired changes
Love can help someone expand into the next level
But this is only if THEY are wanting to expand, change, and blossom. It has nothing to do with that other person. It has all to do with that person reaching deep within themselves.
And at the end of the day our core personalities are just that… our core.
If you can not accept and love someone just as they are right now, at this moment, then you should not be in a romantic relationship with them.
There is no such thing as a “fixer-upper”!
And this thought process of being able to make a romantic partner more desireable by changing them is why so many individuals find themselves years into marriage… disconnected, resentful, and wondering why he/she won’t change.
It’s not their responsibility to change!!!!
It’s YOUR responsibility to let go of the idea that they need to change.
You don’t have the right to try to change anyone.
You have only the responsibility to self to do the inner work and change work that we each must do for our own lives.
And each and every one of us has more than enough work to do within self for a lifetime without trying to FIX another.
If someone expresses desiring a change… lending helping and support is beautiful
At times if someone is not putting out their best selves… then sharing your observations can be. helpful
But that person has no requirement to change.
And if this is the basis of a long-term relationship then you are setting yourself up for failure.
If your partner is trying to “fix you” then they don’t really love YOU
Just like if you are trying to fix another.
Instead, go try to fix yourself and see what unfolds in your life and your reality. We each must be the change we desire to see in the world, as Gandhi stated.
Fixing another human being is simply a losing battle! And it is a 100% battle of your ego.
We can have characteristics from our partners that drive us crazy but if you can’t live with that person with all their perceived flaws and baggage…
Then exit the situation because love is not changing someone.
And if you are viewing your relationship as a fixer-upper then I suggest that you do some deep soul searching of if you will be able to stay with that person if they never choose to make any of the changes you desire for them.
Would you still love them?
Would you still want to be in a relationship?
Just a few questions to think on…
provided to you by Addison Bell & Frozen
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