I could settle for this…
And it would be average…ordinary… and fine.
I could live up to societies standards of a life and relationship
It would make some family members ecstatic
It would make certain things easier and I wouldn’t be constantly rocking the boat.
It wouldn’t be a bad life…
But it would not be hot, fiery, and passionate
It would not be filled with belly laughter
Or orgasms where I am touching the big toe of God.
It would be expected
And I would tame back down
Back down to that girl that doesn’t reach outside of her comfort zone
The girl that accepted average and ordinary
The girl that was happy with scraps
It truly wouldn’t be a horrible life!
There would be some loving feelings
There would be fond memories
There would be moments of laughter
There would be sweet moments of connection
I would wear white… I would wear my pearls… remove my nose ring… have work professional… and always wear a bra.
You would hold my hand
You would say kind things.
There would be a level of happiness.
I see the vision of this white picket fence life.
The one as a child I was sold into.
And I know this moment and God is offering me a possible path.
But every day I would compromise my true soul
I would have to disconnect from the fire that calls inside of me and the deep desires that bubbles in my very core!
I would have to bury my past and my growth
I would have to hide pieces to stay in line
I would have to sacrifice my own womb
It wouldn’t be a bad life…
But it would not be the one that was meant for me!!!!
I was meant for the rollercoaster
I was meant for the messy but wholly passionate
I was created to radiate with love and desire
I crave to have my womb filled with creativity and creation
I want to be led but I also desire to lead my life from my soul. To follow the energy.
The former wouldn’t be a bad life
And I feel this so strongly
But I simply can’t sacrifice my expansion
I’m not average and ordinary.
My soul is screaming to run
And spirit has shown me the path
And so run I must.
Leaving potential heart-ache in the present
Creating misunderstanding and uncertainty
But leaving a world of true possibility and genuine gratitude and love.
But one must open their heart to feel that love and gratitude.
To hear the true words being spoken
To take the connection falling away and bloom it into new growth in other lands.
To simply stay open.
And waiting only prolongs the inevitable.
But as for me…
I won’t stay in an “okay” life
I was simply made for more!
So here I come deeper love…deeper sex… and deeper expansion of self.
This girl will remain on fire!
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