I apparently have commitment issues!
Recently I’ve been told by no less than three people close to me that I have commitment issues.
Which obviously led this Virgo to psychoanalyze self and the idea of “commitment issues”
And the answer is that YES to the average person I can see how this could be true.
And NO it’s not an issue… it’s me being authentic and in integrity.
So I share this for my peeps that might relate and might feel the same way. Those that have been told they have commitment issues. Or those that have felt like they’ve been forced to commit to ANYTHING in their life!
I remember years ago trying to design a logo for my business and I was told I HAD TO HAVE (which is B.S) a color scheme. I needed a logo I could commit to and stand by long-term and still enjoy years down the road.
I remember thinking that I was called to green
Then I thought pink could be nice and felt feminine
But what if in a year from then I wanted blue?
“I want it ALL!!!”
I didn’t want my choices limited!!
And so years into my business and I happily have a watercolored logo that I love.
I picked all the colors.
I knew that the me of the moment was not going to be the me of 10years down the road and that my likes and dislikes would change. I knew that as I evolved so would my brand.
Well the same concept remains when I am looking at relationships!
Even if I was to just look over the last 5 years of my life I have evolved tremendously (as I hope you have) and so have my relationships and the people that I attract into my world.
This constant evolution within self, and also that I’ve been blessed to see within my clients, shows me that while we can authentically commit to something or someone in a moment….
We can not ever commit to feeling and being the same way for life. When we commit for life we are locking ourselves into a potentially limiting situation down the road. What is authentic and in alignment now may just be entirely out of alignment years down the road.
And words of love
Moments of deep love and compassion
Can’t change the fact that we change!
And when we look at relationships much of the belief is that we will love our partners the same way forever. Which is not humanly possible.
And I understand how that notion can sting. Take it from someone with her fair share of past abandoned issues, traumas, and whom wants to feel safe, secure, and loved.
The fact remains the same… when we commit under these circumstances then we commit to getting out of alignment with tuning into self.
I jokingly told a friend the other day that I can barely commit to a flavor of ice cream and so wanted the ability to change my mind about the flavor of man I wanted. It was a joke but a part of it is true.
I struggle often with the word forever in romantic relationships because of the expectations that come with that idea. It is one of the only relationships that we think of as concrete.
Take friendships, which society knows will transform and transition… knowing that we can keep a friend for our entire lives and love them… but that the relationship will inevitably change as we change. Also, knowing that we might bring other friends into the picture and it’s totally cool!!! Getting more friends doesn’t take away the love that the initial friend had.
Yet, in romantic relationships it is seen as a flaw within self when we want to be open to experiencing a variety of flavors…. if the desire arises. It is seen as a malfunction if a person wants to make sure they stay aligned to self and don’t diminish their own growth.
Love that comes from a cage isn’t love!
Commitment that was promised years in the past does not mean it’s aligned in the now.
Now, does this mean we throw relationships away like toys… NO!!!
That is simply an unwillingness to do the hard work that is required in relationships.
Does this mean trying someone new every week… not for me at least!
That would feel like an unwillingness to dive into the depth and again the harder aspects of relationship where our learning is found. The beautiful and the not so beautiful.
But what is does mean is making sure that whatever life you are choosing and whatever you are committing to choose… you are leaving room for your growth and that it isn’t going to lead to an inability to align or remain in integrity with self in the future.
Because in truth I don’t have a commitment issue.
I have an issue making promises and commitments that are based in lies and that I know I may not be able to keep. I actually put more meaning and certainty into my commitments.
Because what I do commit to in my relationships (and life) is…
I commit to the hard conversations that help me and others to stay connected to self and aligned to purpose.
I commit to verbalizing when I need something that isn’t being fulfilled in a relationship and listening when another has that same desire (even if it’s hard ass hell.
I commit to the me of the moment while not sacrificing the me of ten years down the road.
I commit to my growth and expansion as a person
I commit to loving myself and commit to loving those in my life in amazing times, hard times, and even in the letting go process if needed.
I commit to communication!
Does this mean that me or you can’t make a life with someone. No, it just means that the hard conversations and communications must remain on the table.
I look at some of my relationships in my life and think…
“I can see this being a lifetime relationship”
But at the end of the day the most important person to commit too is to self!
I’m not telling everyone to have open or poly relationships. And in truth I would consider myself monogamish, lol.
But I do want you to take your commitments more seriously and make sure whether it is in relationship, money, work, etc., that you aren’t selling off your alignment and growth.
That your main commitment is to yourself and no one else!
~Recover Your Life! ~
Love, Light, & Blessings,
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