My job in life is NOT to tip toe around your feelings!
As a general rule as a healthy human, I think it’s good to consider other peoples feelings. To acknowledge that your words can have a massive impact in the positive or the negative with those in your world.
If you purposely choose to say things in a vindictive,, mean-spirited, or way that you know will purposely trigger another then your motives should be checked. What is your purpose in saying what you are saying? Could it be reframed to not ripe someone’s emotions to shreds?
These are all things a healthy adult that cares about their fellow human will think about before sharing. And sometimes we all mess it up and our intent comes out wrong.
That being said, it is often not what we say to someone that “hurts their feelings” but what they are saying to themselves to expand what was said that creates the hurt.
Earlier today I was in a conversation with someone in my life and found the need to set a boundary. I was sharing about an element of my life. Something that really didn’t impact them in any way. They disagreed with my choices and opinions and the energy shifted to that of anger and resentment.
“Fine, do what you want. Ruin your life.”
Again, this issue had very little impact on the other person so I set a boundary that I didn’t think it was appropriate to keep talking about the topic. Keeping a healthy energy with this person mattered more to me than something that really was irrelevant to our relationship.
Well, the boundary blew things up… “You hurt my feelings! How dare you tell me that you won’t talk to me about this anymore. I was just supporting you. You have no right to hurt my feelings”.
I was flabbergasted! I didn’t say anything against this person. Simply that it wasn’t healthy to talk about this topic because it was creating a negative energy where one wasn’t needed. I was shocked by the reaction and more shocked by hearing a ringtone in my ear.
I flashed back to being a kid and told to be “kind” and “sweet”. The message that you should tiptoe around other people’s feelings and that their feelings meant more than the things happening within. The subtle message of ‘don’t share your truth’ if others could take issue.
Well, luckily I have moved through these childhood lessons but often have to come to the realization that others still firmly buy into this type of thinking. Believing that others feelings are more important than their own well-being.
And while I care very much about being loving and respectful to those in my life. I find it inappropriate when we are asked to not speak our truth in efforts to avoid hurting others.
Also, it is no one else’s responsibility to mollycoddle our feelings.
Now, as someone that has had her feelings hurt by others truth’s, sometimes it does hurt. Sometimes you wish it was said in a different way or it shakes up your shiz. But healthy growth minded individuals can respect someone for owning their truth. Then it’s our jobs to see what is triggered within with what is really being stated.
We can ask for respectful sharing. We can ask for no name calling and that what is said is purposeful and not just to hurt. We can even express that the feedback we are receiving is creating an emotional trigger but at the end of the day our feelings are our problem.
When we give the power over our feelings to someone else and blame others we lose the power within ourselves. We lose responsibility for our own growth.
If your feelings are hurt then there is no shame in acknowledging that and going to process what needs to be processed. But if you get angry at people for boundaries and their truth then you are simply asking for relationships filled with lies and resentments.
Let’s keep it healthy my beautiful followers!
Speak your truth and claim your feelings.
Love, Light, & Blessings,
Addison
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