Play Is Messing Up My Life ?

Yep, it is the culprit for all my struggles right now.

I was not raised to play! I was raised to sit still, look pretty, and act like a porcelain doll. 
People look at me with disbelief when I say I did not play as a child.
They don’t believe me. All children play!
But it’s the truth.

Play was NOT part of my routine as a child!
Sure I would play in my head but there was no running, shouting, and feeling of complete utter freedom in growing up.
?I was stifled. Contained. And boxed in. ?

I also didn’t play as a teenager. I did NOT go through the typical teenage rebellion. The most common compliment I received as a teenager was “responsible” and “level-headed”. I carried the weight of abuse, my families needs, and a life beyond my young years.
I had no room to breathe.
?I was stifled. Contained. And boxed in. ?

This is why I spent 15yrs passive aggressively killing myself with raging Anorexia and Bulimia.
I never learned the lightness of life. It took many, many years for me to even begin to understand what it means to play.

I remember a specific meeting with my now siSTAR
She started talking about this strange word…”Play”
“How does one play”, I asked.
She looked at me with great confusion. ?

I had to learn to play. Like going to school…
I went to the school of play and still am working on my degree. ?‍?

And it is still a lesson I am having to learn over and over.
?Now I stifle. Contain. And box myself in. ?

With serious “adult things”.
With responsibility.
With weight of my Ego.

After years of learning, leaning, and stepping in I have learned. I have a lightness and playful spirit that wasn’t present at 7yr or 17yr.
But play isn’t my “go to”
It requires a stepping in. It requires conscious effort to let go.

When I get misaligned from the playful spirit that is truly the core of all of us…
I see my life crash, crumble, and become dark.
The blissful life that I live starts to fade in luster

?When I don’t play my business struggles
?When I don’t play my relationships flounder
?When I don’t play money becomes a struggle
?When I don’t play I get moody and unsettled
?When I don’t play life is gray.

It’s not truly that play messes up my life
It’s that my immediate response to lean away from play messes up my life.

??Play is the HARDEST thing I do in my life ??

?But it’s essential.
?It’s my breathe.
?It’s my heart.
?It’s my love.

Without a constant PLAY the Blissful Life can’t be enjoyed
No play means no Bliss!

So today I PLAY!
I play for myself.
I play to show the world it’s importance
I play to lead my tribe!