Play Is Messing Up My Life ?
Yep, it is the culprit for all my struggles right now.
I was not raised to play! I was raised to sit still, look pretty, and act like a porcelain doll.
People look at me with disbelief when I say I did not play as a child.
They don’t believe me. All children play!
But it’s the truth.
Play was NOT part of my routine as a child!
Sure I would play in my head but there was no running, shouting, and feeling of complete utter freedom in growing up.
?I was stifled. Contained. And boxed in.
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I also didn’t play as a teenager. I did NOT go through the typical teenage rebellion. The most common compliment I received as a teenager was “responsible” and “level-headed”. I carried the weight of abuse, my families needs, and a life beyond my young years.
I had no room to breathe.
?I was stifled. Contained. And boxed in.
?
This is why I spent 15yrs passive aggressively killing myself with raging Anorexia and Bulimia.
I never learned the lightness of life. It took many, many years for me to even begin to understand what it means to play.
I remember a specific meeting with my now siSTAR
She started talking about this strange word…”Play”
“How does one play”, I asked.
She looked at me with great confusion. ?
I had to learn to play. Like going to school…
I went to the school of play and still am working on my degree. ??
And it is still a lesson I am having to learn over and over.
?Now I stifle. Contain. And box myself in.
?
With serious “adult things”.
With responsibility.
With weight of my Ego.
After years of learning, leaning, and stepping in I have learned. I have a lightness and playful spirit that wasn’t present at 7yr or 17yr.
But play isn’t my “go to”
It requires a stepping in. It requires conscious effort to let go.
When I get misaligned from the playful spirit that is truly the core of all of us…
I see my life crash, crumble, and become dark.
The blissful life that I live starts to fade in luster
?When I don’t play my business struggles
?When I don’t play my relationships flounder
?When I don’t play money becomes a struggle
?When I don’t play I get moody and unsettled
?When I don’t play life is gray.
It’s not truly that play messes up my life
It’s that my immediate response to lean away from play messes up my life.
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?Play is the HARDEST thing I do in my life
?
?
?But it’s essential.
?It’s my breathe.
?It’s my heart.
?It’s my love.
Without a constant PLAY the Blissful Life can’t be enjoyed
No play means no Bliss!
So today I PLAY!
I play for myself.
I play to show the world it’s importance
I play to lead my tribe!