Play Is Messing Up My Life 😝

Yep, it is the culprit for all my struggles right now.

I was not raised to play! I was raised to sit still, look pretty, and act like a porcelain doll. 
People look at me with disbelief when I say I did not play as a child.
They don’t believe me. All children play!
But it’s the truth.

Play was NOT part of my routine as a child!
Sure I would play in my head but there was no running, shouting, and feeling of complete utter freedom in growing up.
📦I was stifled. Contained. And boxed in. 📦

I also didn’t play as a teenager. I did NOT go through the typical teenage rebellion. The most common compliment I received as a teenager was “responsible” and “level-headed”. I carried the weight of abuse, my families needs, and a life beyond my young years.
I had no room to breathe.
📦I was stifled. Contained. And boxed in. 📦

This is why I spent 15yrs passive aggressively killing myself with raging Anorexia and Bulimia.
I never learned the lightness of life. It took many, many years for me to even begin to understand what it means to play.

I remember a specific meeting with my now siSTAR
She started talking about this strange word…”Play”
“How does one play”, I asked.
She looked at me with great confusion. 🤯

I had to learn to play. Like going to school…
I went to the school of play and still am working on my degree. 👩‍🎓

And it is still a lesson I am having to learn over and over.
📦Now I stifle. Contain. And box myself in. 📦

With serious “adult things”.
With responsibility.
With weight of my Ego.

After years of learning, leaning, and stepping in I have learned. I have a lightness and playful spirit that wasn’t present at 7yr or 17yr.
But play isn’t my “go to”
It requires a stepping in. It requires conscious effort to let go.

When I get misaligned from the playful spirit that is truly the core of all of us…
I see my life crash, crumble, and become dark.
The blissful life that I live starts to fade in luster

🤬When I don’t play my business struggles
🤬When I don’t play my relationships flounder
🤬When I don’t play money becomes a struggle
🤬When I don’t play I get moody and unsettled
🤬When I don’t play life is gray.

It’s not truly that play messes up my life
It’s that my immediate response to lean away from play messes up my life.

💣💣Play is the HARDEST thing I do in my life 💣💣

💥But it’s essential.
💥It’s my breathe.
💥It’s my heart.
💥It’s my love.

Without a constant PLAY the Blissful Life can’t be enjoyed
No play means no Bliss!

So today I PLAY!
I play for myself.
I play to show the world it’s importance
I play to lead my tribe!

www.addisonbell.net