Orgasm Goldilocks

I feel like Orgasm Goldilocks!

I lay there as this first gentleman begins to stroke my body
I give soft but meaningful direction
I need the strokes soft and long and then a little shorter and quicker.
I share my own sensation but he isn’t listening to direction and so when I say left he makes no move to change things up. I say right and he continues to do exactly what he was doing.
I agree for him to enter me but the lack of direction has now got me into my own brain and nothing seems to be working. I logically know he is there but yet my body barricades against this touch because he isn’t listening and my body can’t relax knowing I can’t trust. I can’t surrender to the orgasm. He isn’t “bad” but I’m left unfed by the encounter.

👑Who Made You King of Anything? 👑

👑Who Made You King of Anything? 👑

You sit there telling me about me.
Yet, you don’t even truly know me.
You judge me based upon the little pieces that I have allowed you to see of me. You think you know all about me but you know nothing.

You have this distorted fantasy of who I am, where my hang-ups are, and who I need to be
Who made you King of Anything??
Who made your word more powerful than my own? Your desires more worthy? Read more

💝You Love The Idea of Me! 💝

💝You Love The Idea of Me! 💝

I get told all the time by people that they love me.
And I love to be loved but the truth is that most of them don’t really love me…

They don’t love me because they don’t really know me
They love the idea of me that they have created in their head
It is a figment of their imagination and has nothing to do with me.

I’ve told by clients consistently that they love me but they don’t have to sit with me in my dark and scary moments. My moments of drowning in my ego where it’s hard to get a breath. When they see these things they turn away. These times where I am lazy, unsexy, emotional, and angry. They love the idea of me…

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Orgasm Blame Game

Orgasm Blame Game

It’s early evening when I receive the text, and I am relaxing outside and trying to get some work done. I see the name, and I am immediately intrigued because it is rare these days that I see this name on my phone screen. He wants to come over for a little while, and I know that he has plans beyond just chatting. I sit, staring at my phone for a few minutes, pondering my options. On the one hand, I know that I really need and desire some focused attention. On the other hand, I have some major emotional blocks with him right now and am still holding a traumatic event in my body. I have the choice to lean into the vulnerable here or to shut down and completely shut him out. I finally decide to step into vulnerability and see if I can allow my own opening with his help. Read more

😫I need it. I can’t move forward without it. I’m stuck! 😫

😫I need it. I can’t move forward without it. I’m stuck! 😫

These are the things that I state as I tear through the boxes in my home looking for a little pink book. This particular book holds business focused journaling, plans, and writings that were in the works of being created. But in the chaos of moving I can’t seem to find it.

I look high, I look low, I even look in the kids toy bins but this little pink book can’t be found. I seriously spend about an hour tearing through stuff. Read more

Moving & Clearing

I’ve been in the process of moving over the last two weeks and I’m amazed.
Amazed at all the little junk that a person can accumulate
It’s the little tiny shit that is the biggest pain

The moving of the big furniture is heavy and hard but there is a feeling of accomplishment. 
I see the big furniture.
It’s very present.
What I didn’t see was all the tiny and tedious items
The things that take up space but goes unnoticed
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