The lights are low and my breath is heavy. I have a sweet merlot sitting on the table next to a glowing candle that flickers with the heat of passion. The back of a hand touches my cheek and then runs down my collarbone. Ripples of pleasure run down my belly. Then those same hands swirl around my areola while the other softly pinches, tugs, and twists at my other nipple. I can smell the sweet fragrance of coconut and lavender mixed together in an erotic blend. A hand with coconut oil softly massages my inner thighs and starts to methodically caress my labia. By this point my blood has begun to pound in my ears, and I am getting lost in the rhythm of my heartbeat. The same hand is all of a sudden stroking my tender clit while a glass dildo with glorious little bumps and edges begins to fuck my pussy. In and out, slow at first and then a bit more forcefully. The orgasmic energy is radiating from my toes and little moans and cries of “Oh that feels amazing, oh fuck, ughh” slip through my lips. Looking down at my breasts, I see they are swollen and swaying with the rhythm. I can feel the orgasm building and building within not only my pussy but also my entire body. I feel my toes begin to curl, I throw my head back, and my pussy grabs for the dildo so hard it can barely twist. I scream out in euphoria! I stay in that blissful state for a few minutes while the same hand tenderly strokes my breasts, my hips, and my belly as I come back down to earth. I take a deep inhalation of air, filling my entire body, open my eyes, and once again am amazed at the power of self-pleasure to reconnect me with myself.

Yes, the above scene could very easily have happened in the arms of a lover, but in order to surrender to a lover you first need to learn to love yourself, admire your own orgasmic beauty, and take control of your own orgasm.

As children we are often shamed for masturbation and for spending time exploring our own bodies. We are told it is dirty, shameful, and sinful to enjoy the beautiful bodies God gave us. However, despite the antiquated messages we often receive, one recent study found that 92% of women 18-30yrs old are masturbating regularly, and 2/3 of these women are doing so 3+ times/week! Another study found that 45% of women of all ages masturbate a minimum of once per month. Statistics for men are even higher, and men have been shown to masturbate more often later in life than females. Other studies have found that we are a nation taking pleasure into our own hands… literally!

There are many benefits to self-pleasure. However, in order to attain all these benefits it will take more than a quick “get off.” Instead, it will require taking the time to engage in mindful masturbation. This goes by different names… conscious masturbation, tantric masturbation, slow masturbation, etc. They all basically mean that you are taking the time to first focus in on your body’s natural sensations. Then you are using your breath to grow the orgasmic fire within you. Also, you are not in a race to the finish line and are willing to listen to what you want, need, and what truly feels good in the moment. Not that fantasy is bad in masturbation (believe me, I use it all the time), but if you are wanting to be truly mindful then trying to simply focus within yourself and not get lost in all those lovely little fantasies is a great idea for getting the full experience.


So why is masturbation such a powerful sexual tool?

  • Gives you a natural high– Masturbation increases your levels of dopamine, endorphins that create a “feel good” effect, and Oxytocin, which is the hormone that creates love and bonding in the brain.
  • Rids the body of toxins– The body is naturally able to flush out any toxins/bacteria that are present in the vagina. For women this helps to protect and rid the body against UTI’s, yeast infections, and any other harmful toxins that may be present. The same flushing effect also takes place in male masturbation.
  • Body-Confidence– Women who take the time to masturbate show more confidence in both their bodies and in owning their desire as a whole. When people of either sex masturbate they are taking time to get to know their bodies and build an appreciation for the pleasure it can provide.
  • Keeps your Sexing fresh!- Whether you are having a sexual “dry spell” or not, masturbation allows for us to keep our bodies functioning and producing all the juicy sex hormones. This allows our bodies to function properly when we are presented with opportunities to have sex or simply around erotic materials.
  • Makes for Better Sex- When we know our bodies and how they are best turned on it is easier for us to ask for what we want/need in the bedroom. Also, when we are comfortable in our own orgasm we may find it easier to surrender to a partner.
  • It’s safe- You can get sexual enjoyment without the fear of getting an STD/STI, becoming pregnant or getting someone else pregnant, and without the stress of being with a new partner. There are no negative side effects!
  • Allows play in Fantasy Although mindful masturbation is amazing… sometimes it’s fun to play with fantasy. Spending time alone allows you to try out different scenarios without having to fully commit with a partner. For example, one of my fantasies is a rape fantasy. I am not ready to step fully into that situation in reality, but I am able to prepare and play with the idea in my head until I am ready to test it in real life.
  • It’s FUN!

So kick back and enjoy all the orgasmic energy your body wants to provide! If you are needing any additional help with learning how to ride those orgasmic waves please feel free to reach out to me at or fill out my “Work With Addison” form.