Sexual Communication

My cheeks are flushed, my body is radiating heat, and little moans escape my lips. His breath is heavy on my neck as we dive deeper and deeper into a state of passion. The little moans escaping my lips tell him that I am enjoying his touch and he sporadically shares little insights of enjoyment… “Oh, yes,” “You’re amazing,” “Oh, right there,” as I watch his body tremble over and over again with orgasmic energy. As we continue in our play, he enters a state of deep intensity and shifts my positioning. We are in the midst of a passionate animalistic moment when all of a sudden I find myself taken from bliss quickly to severe pain. “Oww! That really hurts. You feel fucking amazing but that’s too deep.” We take a second and try moving slower and less deep but the angle simply isn’t working for my body today. He rapidly switches my position again and we fast approach a deeper state of intimacy. At one point our moans, heavy breath, and sighs are the only form of communication as we are so close that our bodies could melt into each other. We stop several times in our hours of sexing between orgasms to talk with each other about life and our turn-ons… what we like, what we don’t like, and even share a few fantasies until we end the night in a beautiful silence that says more than any words could say.


couple-pillow-talk_pijs35Communication is vitally important in relationships in order to build intimacy. One of the times that it is significant to communicate is in the middle of sex, like the above event. This does not mean we need to stop and have full in-depth conversations while trying to merge sexual energies, although if that’s what is needed then that is an option. There are many different aspects to communicating during these intimate moments and they don’t have to shut the sexing down.

Share your enjoyment! – Sex requires a state of vulnerability and one way to help your partner know you are enjoying things is to tell him/her. Take the time to give your partner kudos for the moments when they are touching you in all the right ways. Allow those deep moans and sexy sighs to slip through those lips and if something is working really well, directly say so… “Wow, that feels amazing!,” “I love when you do that,” etc. Also, making sexy observations can help turn your partner on or simply communicate you are enjoying the situation… “Your breasts look amazing from this angle,” “Your skin is so incredibly soft, ” “You have a beautiful ass,” etc. If you are not verbalizing, then your partner is never going to learn what is working and what your turn-ons are. Your orgasm and pleasure is your responsibility so start talking!

Make adjustments – As much as it’s important to tell your partner if something feels good, it also is vital to tell them if something isn’t working. Like in the above example, sometimes in the midst of things working they suddenly aren’t working and that doesn’t mean anyone is doing anything wrong. What feels fantastic one time may not feel so amazing the next depending on a variety of factors. There are many different ways to ask for adjustments during sex, but no matter how you go about it use direct requests. In the middle of sex, if I need a small adjustment just to increase my overall pleasure then my favorite way to ask is to recognize something that I am really enjoying and then ask for the adjustment. However, when you are engaging in more adventurous play it is important to set up safe words in order to communicate more effectively if things need to quickly change in the situation. Safety should be of the upmost importance during sex due to not only the physical components but also the emotional components. Unless you are able to have those meaningful conversations to communicate your safe words then I strongly suggest avoiding any risky sexual play until you and your partner have come to a more open and communicative place in your relationship.

 Share fantasies – Sometimes in the midst of sex or to get aroused, it can be fun to share fantasies. It can raise the heat in the moment when you tell your partner to envision something. For example, in the midst of sex one day, while my lover is penetrating me, he shared how he could envision us at a club with other men in my mouth as he was having sex with me. He shared how he thought my positioning was the perfect position for other types of play. I played along and began laying out what would be happening in that situation. This mental picture quickly took things to a new level in our sexing that night. Sharing fantasies while having sex or just in daily conversation can tell us more about our partner both sexually and non-sexually. It adds a level of vulnerability into the mix of a relationship.

 Open up your throat chakra – If you want to make sex better then verbalizing will help bring your sexual energy higher by opening up your throat chakra. This helps to keep a healthy flow of energy and so letting those sighs, moans, and screams out will help drop you into a deeper orgasmic state.

 

All of this being said, it is important that your verbalization is authentic. Oftentimes, people will verbalize just because they believe that’s what they are “supposed to do,” which will actually take away from the intimacy and connection in the moment. If you are screaming out then make sure it’s because you are truly in the throws of passion and not just because you think it is what your partner wants! Be authentic and be open during your lovemaking.

Give it a try tonight with your partner!

Spice up your sex life TODAY!… fill out my application for coaching and bodywork at www.addisonbell.net/contact

The Art of Thank You

thank-you-1

The phone falls from my hand after I read the text that rips my heart apart and brings my Ego to the forefront. A lover just dropped a major bomb in my life and I feel frozen. Then I crumble like a million pieces of sand on the floor of my living room as a stream of tears floods my face. I feel both “too much” and “not enough” in this moment and simply want to die… THANK YOU!

It’s my first bodywork session and I am both excited and nervous as shivers run down my spine and butterflies dance in my stomach. I feel like I am becoming one with the table and the soft strokes that help my body open up to sensation and begin teaching me to reconnect with my body. The moment comes for the session to end where I open my eyes and the most beautiful flowers have been laid upon my chest. I hear my mentor call me a Goddess and she tells me to feel and see my divine beauty in that moment… THANK YOU!

I’m in the back of the car with a lover (now ex-lover) and he is very drunk from the evening. It has been a very long night and the very last thing I want in this moment is to be touched. However, he starts kissing on me and grabbing at my breasts. I tell him no and that he is drunk. I tell him no and push him across the backseat. He grabs me aggressively and the soft kisses turn cold and hard as he takes things further despite my protests… My stomach turns to rock as I realize what’s about to go down in this back seat and I’m not physically strong enough to stop it… THANK YOU!

Someone takes a leap of faith and is vulnerable with me… Thank you.

$600 unexpected bill for new tires… Thank you.

A smile and hug from a friend… Thank you.

An empty hollow feeling in my gut… Thank you.

 

“Your mantra is thank you. Just keep saying thank you. Don’t explain. Don’t complain. Just say thank you. Say thank you to existence.” – Mooji

 

It is easy to be grateful when things in your life are going great or when you are having one of those soul-opening moments where your Kundalini energy is flowing to the point that you feel one with the Universe. These are the moments in my life that I am overflowing with love and gratitude. These are those moments that you can’t get enough of out of life and the times when the people in your life shine especially bright. During these times, it is important to be present and take in all the yummy feelings and use them to propel you forward to manifesting your dreams.

What about the other moments, though? The moments where we find ourselves laid out on the floor in a puddle of tears with our faith in ourselves, humanity, and life in question. Those moments where everything seems to be falling apart or those moments when nothing is falling apart but we just feel empty and that sometimes feels worse. These are often the hardest times to have gratitude. It’s hard to be grateful when your perception is that things are going wrong.

The problem is often it’s just that… a perception. When we are in the middle of a situation, it is difficult to see the positives that can come from a difficult situation or in turn the negatives that can come from what was perceived as a positive situation. Tremendous growth and transformation can occur at our lowest points and a situation that feels heavenly one moment can turn devastating in the next. As humans, it often takes time and sometimes space to get a different perspective on a situation. We don’t see how our thoughts, feelings, and beliefs are manifesting our whole life into being, how we are creating the reality in which we live.

There are many times that things are not getting worse but we are simply beginning to pull back the veil of new learning and transformation. Without these events, nothing would change and our needed growth would not occur. So, it is the perception of how things “are” that is creating the problem and this perception in turn stirs our difficult feelings. The more energy we place in resisting something, the more we struggle and manifest more of this same negative vibration.

This is where the mantra of “Thank you” comes into play. When we simply say thank you (and mean it), we immediately let go of a level of resistance against that event or person. We are validating that everything and everyone we experience in life comes to teach us in some way. Some of these lessons feel better than others in the moment but all are important. Even those times when we search our minds and can’t find any possible lesson… I promise there is a lesson to be learned even if it may take years to become clear.

All of that said, I do not believe that saying “Thank you” will necessarily change all feelings about all situations; however, it does begin your journey through these feelings in a more positive cognitive space. If we begin with thank you then we begin by noting there is something positive to come from the moment and being grateful for our simple existence. Yes, there are going to be times when it may be harder to be in full alignment with “Thank you.” We don’t always understand the events in our lives so when someone’s sick, dies, or a traumatic event occurs, it can be especially hard to have any form of gratitude, but in that gratitude one can begin to find healing and often greater alignment with the Universe.

Thank you, just thank you!

 

Give it a try TODAY! No it won’t fix all your problems immediately but with practice it will begin to change your life.

Want to change your life?

Apply to work with Addison at www.addisonbell.net/contact

See Me! : The Importance of Feeling Seen In Relationship

I am wearing a sleek black dress, high heel shoes, a pretty garter belt, and stockings. There are no plans of having sex tonight but I did want to feel sexy in my own skin. Most of all, I wanted him to think I looked beautiful. When I walk into the room, I want his jaw to fall open and for him to have a dozen fantasies cross his mind. Throughout the night, I tease with playful statements. Nothing. Nada! He doesn’t see me sitting in this car, wearing my heart on my sleeve, and wanting to be acknowledged. Really, for him to see that I am hurting and that a smile or hug from him could fix a world of hurt. I am craving to be seen in this moment! The more I am ignored, the more my Ego begins to make up stories about what he is thinking. I don’t verbalize it but mentally I scream… “SEE ME!”

The word intimacy can be broken down into “in-to-me-see” because, really, in any type of relationship that is what we are craving at the core. As humans, we want to be seen and acknowledged. As female humans, I dare to say that we crave this even more. I hear all the time from female friends, clients, and family members the statement, “He just doesn’t see me…” From a feminine perspective, when we feel our lovers are not seeing us, it can cut right to our hearts. This not only impacts our heart but also our minds, which, with enough time and lack of attention, will seep into not only other areas of the relationship but many areas of our lives. When a woman isn’t feeling seen, then she is going to have a more difficult time orgasming or even getting turned on enough to have sex. She is going to begin to emotionally armor up which eventually leads to the huge energy blocks I work with daily in my practice. Also, she may begin to find people in her life to make her feel seen and wanted. This is when a woman begins putting her friends and other lovers before her primary man… or begins an affair. Women not being acknowledged by the people closest to them are likely to carry these feelings into their daily life and interactions, wearing down on their self-esteem and overall connection to themselves.

I dare say that it also hurts men when they believe they are putting effort into a relationship to hear the above words. Yes, some men may not be putting in the effort and aren’t trying to please their women but that is a whole different article… the “He’s Just Not Into You” article. The problem is that most men want to connect with their partners and do not want this chasm in the relationship. Oftentimes, they are clueless that there is even a problem in the first place. They want their partner to have orgasmic sex, be confident, and have free-flowing energy because in the end, they benefit from each of these areas.

Really, the burden falls on both parties in these moments. As women, we often believe that our lovers should just know. They should put together all the physical and emotional signals. They should energetically notice that something is off. Men are often shocked when their women blow up on them and tell them they never appreciate them or worse, find them in the midst of an affair and have no reason why she felt she had to find another man. Then they may finally wake up and realize they are not putting the necessary effort into the relationship.

Men: It is easy to get lost in the daily grind of problems and stresses. It is important to take time out frequently to appreciate your lover and to do something special with them. This does not mean it has to be an overly expensive evening but just some time when you are not distracted by work, television, or kids, to really focus in on each other and connect. Also, women, as a general rule, tend to need people to listen more often than solve problems. SO it is always a good rule of thumb to ask what your woman needs in the moment, like “Honey, do you need me to listen or do you need me to help you figure out a solution?” As a man, it is important for you to learn to stand in your masculine, but be attentive enough to recognize when your partner is struggling. This requires really tuning into your own intuition and asking questions if you feel something is off. Ignoring these signals and hoping things will go away will only make things worse in these situations.

Women: Men are not mind readers and, as a general rule, not as connected to their emotions. It is easy to take one little negative interaction and then begin to attribute other actions in the same negative light. This is when it is important to check your Ego and look at the facts. This does not mean you must invalidate your emotions but simply get a little space to observe the situation. Men usually communicate in a more direct fashion than females and so if you are feeling hurt or want something more from your man, it is important to directly ask for your needs. Communicating your needs directly is you taking responsibility for your own happiness and desires. Your man is not responsible for “just knowing.” If an interaction bothers you, then state that it hurt your feelings in the moment instead of internalizing it will keep these feelings from festering. Also, make sure you are taking time to “see” your man and all he does for you and validate his efforts. If his efforts are never being validated, then he will give up trying as well.

Reach out to me TODAY for information on how to help bridge the chasm in your current relationship! Check out my Bodywork and Coaching sessions at www.addisonbell.net/contact