Become Tied Up & Twisted In Your Dreamgirl

 

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Photos taken by -Photography In Wonderland

If you know me, then you know I adore music and have different artists for every mood. Music inspires my body and soul, and today, I am in a very soulful mood. I lie here in the grass on a beautiful spring day as the sun shines through my strawberry blonde hair and onto my pale white skin. Then my music library shuffles to Dave Matthews Band and the song “Dreamgirl” begins my turn-on, and then continues with “Crash Into Me.” Both of which make my soul sing with desire and orgasmic energy. It feels very fitting for this divine moment. I start singing along and thinking about how EVERY woman should have at least one man, if not more, in her life that looks at her this way. I close my eyes and dream of one of my lovers sitting next to me and staring at me with a mischievous boyish grin of desire and hope. Taking in not only the sun reflecting off of my body, but also looking deep into my soul to see all the beautiful little messy parts of me that he adores. It brings a beautiful smile to my face. I start to dream of my “Dream-man” where we continually and playfully ‘crash’ together! Chasing after one another in an animalistic playful way that is also sensual, where we are eating each other up, and can’t get enough at that moment.

Every woman should be looked at with this intense love and passion! Every woman should be considered a divine forest of intricacies that is to be discovered and devoured. Where they are viewed as some beautiful work of art that frequently hear how they turn their man on physically and emotionally. Every woman should hear how their man gets “tied up and twisted’ when thinking about their woman’s body. Where they are being chased by their man and are viewed as the most amazing dream where a man continually wants to dive deeper and deeper into her body and soul, and also where she sees all this intense desire in his eyes when he looks at her.

I meet with so many women that hate themselves and all the little imperfections that create their divine uniqueness. As a woman myself, I get it and can’t say that I love every single aspect of myself every moment of the day, but as women, we should feel like our lovers are reveling in all those little pieces. I am all for women learning to love and embrace themselves, and so this does not take the responsibility off of the woman for loving herself, but a divine masculine has the ability to show his Goddess even deeper levels of her own divinity.

In order to reach those depths of divinity, however, she needs someone to “hold” her and not just physically, but also emotionally hold space for her to open. This means beautiful orgasmic moments along with moments of tears, laughter, and if she’s anything like me, sometimes a great big mixture of the two at once. It will be like watching the most beautiful volcano erupt over and over again the deeper you take her. However, this requires a man to be in his divine masculine energy where she can fully trust and allow herself to go to these beautiful depths. When a woman is in this place, you can see the energy radiating off of her being, and her beauty seems to be increased tenfold. She is sending out love and openness into the world and bringing you right along with her on the journey.

Many men talk about wishing their woman was more playful, but you may need to help her drop into that playfulness. Women on a primal level were made to be chased, and men were meant to be our pursuers. Men should be looking at their woman like she is the most divine prize to be won over and over again, and should be tapping into their most primal instincts as men. Every time you have sex with a woman, you should be discovering her like it’s the very first time because, honestly, you have never truly had sex with this version of her before. Women are constantly changing and never the same and so explore her, devour her, hold her so close that she can surrender to not only you but herself.

Throughout daily life, I often hear comments about how we should not be “objectifying” women. I totally agree that women are people to be appreciated for more than their bodies. However, with these messages, I feel, as a society, we have turned into a place where men feel wrong or perverse for appreciating, complimenting, or being aroused by the feminine form. This is a grave misfortune because the female form is divine and is meant to be honored and appreciated.

I want to hear how a man finds pleasure in the curve of my breast or the sway of my hips. Just as much as I savor when a lover tells me that he enjoys my youthful spirit and how my eyes portray my caring heart. All of these things make up me in my divine feminine and, ultimately, who I am as a whole person… physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Compliments may be difficult for a woman based upon learned programming, but a woman in tune with herself will revel in these statements. The key is to complement a woman just for the pure pleasure of sharing your pleasure with her and not in order to simply convince her to engage in sexual play. Goddesses are meant to be worshipped just for the pure fact that they are each uniquely and divinely beautiful and in turn, a Goddess who feels worshipped will worship her god!

CALL TO MEN

Play with her; arouse her body and her mind. Fuck her wide open physically and emotionally and watch her become your Dreamgirl. Chase her! Connect to your masculine so she can connect to her feminine. Allow yourself to get unabashedly lost in your thoughts of her mind and body. Tell her how you love her and all the beauty you see deep within her. And allow her to wrap you up in the playful chains of her divine energy. Never get complacent and take her divinity for granted. Continue to hunt to learn every little inch of her and then start all over again to rediscover her day-in and day-out.

CALL TO WOMEN

Don’t settle for anything else than being ravished. Learn to let him in and drop your masculine walls that have been built up through trauma and toil. See yourself as a Dreamgirl, and he will begin to see you that way too. Play with daydreams in your head, listen to music that set you on fire, and explore each and every part of your own body and soul. Allow yourself to surrender into divine moments of bliss. Let him worship you!

 

Need help learning to own your Divine Masculine/Feminine? Help on how to arouse her fully and completely? Or find ways to ‘spice’ things up in the bedroom? Reach out to www.addisonbell.net/contact to work with me TODAY!

Musical Inspiration:

“Dreamgirl”- Dave Matthews Band

“Crash Into Me”- Dave Matthews & Tim Reynolds

Accepting ALL Fantasies & Desires


In my experience, when you begin talking with people about their sex lives they usually lower their voices and will begin whispering when discussing their desire/turn-ons. This reaction speaks volumes about our over-sexualized yet still shameful culture and how we deal with sex and sexuality.

Although people often will whisper their desires and turn-ons, it is always fascinating that the more shameful or taboo desires tend to often be the ones that create the highest level of sexual energy in the body. These desires are those you think but you never dare speak, the desires that you hold in the back of your mind and hope no one else find out.

So yes, there are people who are whispering… “ I really like it when my man is rubbing my clit during penetration” or “It is so hot when she grabs my ass when she is sucking on me.” However, they shame or fear they experience while admitting it is almost palpable in a human being when they begin talking about those things that turn them on. You see their skin start glowing, the voice starts cracking, and the whole energy around them changes. Some of these turn-ons could be:

– I like being spanked or whipped

– I enjoy dominating my partner OR being submissive

– I consider myself heterosexual but enjoy same sex energy at times

– I really want to try a threesome

– I like/want to try anal sex

– I like my hair pulled

– I enjoy bondage

– I fantasize about gang-bang/ rape

– It’s a turn-on when he/she uses hot wax, ice, or peppermint on my body

– I like squirting

– ECT!

Now, to some people the above may not be not a big deal, but to many people, these desires are shamefully the things that fuel their fantasies and masturbation sessions, though they are never spoken out loud. So although these ideas are creating a furnace of desire, we tamp them down and engage in “okay” sex and/or beat ourselves up for these thoughts that light us up with desire. So in order to not feel shame we have the same old boring sex again and again due to an inability to own our desires. As a side note this often contributes to extramarital affairs where we can satisfy the above desires without feeling so shameful or find a partner who is willing to explore fantasy in the bedroom.

Not so long ago I found myself in this very predicament of shaming one of my turn-ons. I had been doing some sexual exploration and one night found myself in the middle of a steamy sexual encounter. During this experience, I found myself incredibly turned on to the point that I could barely breathe. The person I was playing with began doing things that literally took my breath away but at the same time made my heart pang with anxiety. I am very non-judgmental when it comes to others’ fantasies, sexual orientation, likes/dislike, etc. However, like many people I sometimes unconsciously have a different set of rules when it comes to myself. I had never played this way prior, and part of me did not WANT to be enjoying what was happening, because in my true Virgo spirit I worried about what it would “mean.” I was truly enjoying myself, no one was getting hurt, and everyone was consenting, but my shame came barreling in afterwards to dampen the experience. Thankfully, I was able to recognize the reaction afterwards and have since been able to drop down into my body and simply enjoy similar encounters.

So what makes us deny these aspects of ourselves that could bring us so much pleasure? The answer is fear!

There are many aspects of fear that play into the denial of desires. We worry about what others in our lives will think of us and how our partners will react. Will he/she leave, freak out, or think negatively of the desires? Also, we fear having to face ourselves and the inner judgments we hold, even if unconsciously. With certain elements we can even fear the act itself due to past history. An example of this might be having a desire for bondage but also having a fear concerning it being too close to a past sexual assault.

Along with fear comes shame! This involves a general belief that you as a person are bad based upon thoughts or actions. If we are convinced that having sex, enjoying sex, or exploring sex makes us a bad/lesser/sinful person then we are not going to own those desires and will often bury pieces of our sexual energy as we deny these desires. The shame comes from the fear that was often instilled in us at some point in our lives through religion, parents, society, etc.

So how do we begin enjoying ALL things that turn us on and give us that heart pounding thrill?

1. Find acceptance in yourself! – Outside of the noise of others’ opinions and biases, what do you think about the desire? What keeps you from allowing yourself to indulge in this particular turn-on? Explore the biases you may have and where they come from. Acknowledge where your ego may be coming into play.

2. Take time to really accept yourself as a sexual being in general. Take action to honor the feelings in your body without shame by simply being with your sensations. If we can’t accept our sexuality as a whole we are not going to be able to manage the new desires that emerge. Are you willing to really be in the full intensity of your desire, or are you creating a pleasure ceiling for yourself? Do you trust yourself enough to go there?

3. Say it out loud- Find a friend or someone you can get really honest with and talk about it. When I am having fear about stepping into a new fantasy or with a new turn on it is often helpful to have a listening ear and second opinion. It’s even better if you can talk about it with a sexual partner. Truth is if someone judges you for your sexual desires then they have a lot of work to do on themselves. We don’t have to understand someone’s turn-on to be respectful!

4. Safety- if the problem is fear due to past sexual experiences, then find a way you can explore in a safe manner. This can be easily remedied by making sure you find a safe partner and set up boundaries and safe words. You can also start slowly. If you have a fantasy about bondage then start out with tying your hands and not necessarily jumping straight into your arm and legs being tied and having a gag ball in your mouth. This approach promises a greater chance at success and an enjoyable experience.

5. Just stop! I know, way easier said than done, but there comes a time when you can no longer ponder, theorize, or pull part every element of a desire. The truth is you may never know why something turns you on as opposed to something else. Judging yourself for your desires isn’t doing you any good. Sometimes the only thing to do is let go, drop into the sensation, and accept that this is simply what you want in the moment!

 

Have fun, ladies and gentlemen, playing in your desires, fantasies, and with your entire sexual being!

If you are interested in body-work or sexuality coaching feel free to reach out to me at addisonbelltantra@gmail.com or www.addisonbell.net/contact