I see you…
 
Always working so hard and yet never thinking it is good enough despite your best efforts. I see you looking out at others comparing your insides with their outsides.
 
Screaming within that if you just did it this way or that THEN it would be better.
Then they would love you more…
Then you would finally be seen…
Then you would get it right.
 

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Tuck that crazy shit back in!

The emotions rise in my body
I feel them and they feel as if they are going to drown me.
Logically I know this does not make sense. Things are great!
I have no reference point for all of this emotion and ego.
I’m sick and tired of this crazy shit.

I don’t want those around me to see the crazy. I want to push them away and hide from them and from myself. Yet at my core I crave to be held, comforted, and seen in my crazy. I desire to hold it at bay and yet the waves rush over me almost bringing me to my knees.

Most of the time I let it flow. I will allow my emotions to rise and flood the plains of my being.
But this craziness has been going on long enough.
These storms do not seem to be passing and instead building, intensifying, and I’m missing the beauty that I logically see all around me.

Time to act like Moses. I’m parting the red seas of this crazy.
I’m all about processing through emotions but there comes a time when ENOUGH is ENOUGH!
If I allow myself to get taken by these storms then I will lose even more time, energy, and focus.

Sometimes you need to DECIDE you are not swimming in your crazy any longer.
That you are going to make a conscious CHOICE to choose the blissful aspects of life.
That you are going to honor and see that there is emotion
But also that you aren’t going to let it rule.

I can allow the tears to flow while also choosing to move forward and not stay stuck. I can feel the anger rise in my system that wants to be released and I use this anger to push me forward instead of hold me back. I can hear my Ego and prove it wrong. I can journal and give it all breath for a few minutes.

There IS a time to process!
There IS a time to allow yourself to really fall apart and let yourself feel.
Then there is a….

Time to tuck that crazy back in!

And start Living
And not just living but THRIVING
IN BLISS!
https://addisonbell.net/bliss-coaching/