You say you don’t deserve her. You’re absolutely right!
She is a magnificent Goddess, and you haven’t earned her blessings. You don’t deserve how she glows with excitement when she is passionate about something or when she finds something humorous. You don’t deserve how she has that little-crooked smile that lights the whole fucking world on fire with the energy it projects.
You don’t deserve this part of her because instead of helping her reach deeper into that beauty, you pull her down in negativity, rationality, and facts. Your energy discourages her fire.
You don’t deserve how she worships you like a God in the bedroom and helps you reach the depths of your being with orgasm. You don’t deserve to see her depth in this way, in the midst of your lovemaking when she is at the edge of orgasm and vulnerability floods her face. You don’t deserve this beautiful exchange of energy and the love that she can’t help but share in these moments.
You don’t deserve it because instead of jumping in, you disconnect and use her as a sex toy. You steal this beauty and diminish her power in these moments. You instead use her, fuck her, and leave her body packing on the trauma that she will have to remove to get back to her light. You can’t handle her vulnerability and her true surrender.
You don’t deserve her funny little moments when she looks a mess, but is sexy as hell. You don’t deserve the openness of her heart in these moments or the tears that sometimes escape from her eyes. You don’t deserve to know the depths of those tears and that, no matter how magnificent she is, she still struggles with herself.
You don’t deserve it because you can’t truly hold it. You don’t want to truly hold her here because it pushes you out of your comfort zone. You don’t deserve it because you are the reason for some of those tears and you don’t care to take the time or effort to make things right. You don’t deserve an open heart when yours is so closed off.
You don’t deserve her mind. The mind that works a mile a minute with new ideas. Beautiful fantasies, desires, and ways to make the world a better place. You don’t deserve to know her thoughts. Thoughts that are both complex, silly, spiritual, and at times dark.
You don’t deserve it because you don’t truly listen; you judge, and you pull her imaginings apart like you are scolding a child. You pull her back to earth with your ‘knowledge’ and reality. You don’t treat her mind like the beautiful feminine resource it is, and you diminish her with your hyper-masculine.
NO, you currently don’t deserve her! But she chose you for a reason. You are a deserving person but need to wake up and see her beauty. You need to step into your divine masculine and see her as the Goddess she is and then, and only then will you truly have earned her in all the ways she needs to be earned. You need to cherish her, encourage her, see her, hold her, and devour her… then you will deserve her. Then she will reopen her heart, her mind, and her body to take you to a new depth that you have yet to experience. Then you will have earned her magnificent light!
But there is work required, and until you start to do that work… You don’t deserve her!