We are not even complete with the first month of 2019 and as I look around I am seeing a whole lot of people struggling but I am seeing just as many people in a state of “meh”.Read more
I wait for my coffee to finish brewing and glance out my window into the grey cloudy sky. Behind the clouds you can see the morning sun wanting to peak through and light up the sky.
The clouds are swirling and passing and I find myself enthralled at their graceful movement through the sky. Read more
Let me tell you a story about me, Addison Bell, when I was about 20 years old. It’s not a pretty story. Actually, it’s quite the opposite, and so I desire to give a warning that this is not going to be beautiful and sexy. It is also a part of the story I don’t usually tell both because it saddens me to think of and also because the person I speak of is no longer the person I see in the mirror. Read more
Do you want to know one of my favorite places in my house? It’s my bathroom. One might find this a bit strange, but let me take a moment to explain. In my bathroom, there is a corkboard where I keep little notes that the people closest to me have written. I get letters and cards throughout the year, but you have to be at a certain level with me to truly make it to the bathroom corkboard. It’s an honor reserved for those that I want their loving voices with me throughout the day and to boost me up on those days when I need boosting. In these letters and notes on this corkboard are mainly short messages that remind me that I am loved and cared about. There really are no ten-page letters of heart dripping vulnerability. Nope, these messages look more like, “I love you. You are beautiful, amazing, courageous, and funny.” Every morning when I am doing my morning routine, and throughout the day whenever I need to go into the bathroom, I get to look at these messages and occasionally will send off some energetic gratitude to the people that wrote the notes. I tell you this because these small scraps of paper on my wall are big things in my heart. They are little things, but they are, on some days, everything! Read more
When I get there, my life will be perfect. When I get there, I will be happy. When I get there, I will be able to focus on my family/friends. When I get there, I will be able to do the things I’ve always wanted to do. There, There, There… but never Here.
I’ve said it, and I bet you have said it too. The comments about how things will be different when you have reached a goal. The problem being that, for most of us, this goal is a constant moving target or it never creates the total life change that we expect. We keep on a lifelong search for our happiness, joy, time, and perfect life that never comes. We put our joy off until the ‘perfect’ man/woman comes into our life, until we get that new promotion, until we have enough money in the bank, until we are fully enlightened, until… we die. Read more
I sit there on the floor, leaning back into the arms that wrap around my body and legs that create a cradled sensation. All clothes are on, and there is zero sexual energy in the room, but instead, a quiet reverence. I specifically requested to be held, and that’s exactly what I got, which sounded great in theory, but feels incredibly vulnerable in this moment. I both want to cuddle down closer to soak in the simple touch that I was craving and simultaneously, I want to run because I can feel emotions rising in my chest from the simple process of being held without expectations. Read more
Orgasm. What do you think of when you hear this word?
Most people hear this word and equate it with sex, which is and is not the case. Orgasm can happen during sex, but it is also a life energy and a way of living. Let’s break it down to help clear up all the misconceptions that are out there surrounding the elusive word.
Orgasm or Climax:
In sex, when someone hits the highest peak and has 5–30 seconds of intense peak sensation, it usually is labeled an orgasm. What they are actually speaking about is the climax. Orgasm is all the peaks and valleys of sensation during sex and can, at times, have moments of intense sensation (climax), but is more like a wave and less of a metaphorical cliff that someone falls off sexually. There are numerous different types of sexual orgasms—skin, g-spot, emotional, clitoral, breast, spiritual, etc. The types of orgasms vary, and as we learn more about the human body and sexuality in general, this variation increases. Women will often tell me that they are not “multi-orgasmic,” but the truth is that we are ALL orgasmic and have the ability to have multiple orgasms or, in truth, ride different waves of the same orgasm for seconds to hours.
From the time I was 10 years-old until I was in my twenties, I fought a bloody battle with my own body, which manifested as anorexia and bulimia. I spent 15 years in what can only be described as a hell of my own body but more than anything, a place where I was a prisoner of my own mind. I was blessed, however, to get help and eventually fully recover. I learned to come to a place of peace with my body and formed an essence of neutrality. I no longer put effort into trying to lose weight because I knew this was a slippery slop to relapse. Through the years of recovery it became apparent that I needed to work on my past sexual trauma that was keeping me stuck in not only a war against my body but in many areas of my life, especially my sexuality. I would later learn that most individuals with eating disorders also have some difficulties with their sexuality in some form or fashion. I went to therapy religiously and pushed myself to open up internal boxes that I had bolted shut. The deeper I dug the more disgusted I found for my sexuality and the more my body shut down physically.
Revised Article seen on Elephant Journal
I want a life of adventure! Let me explain…
I spent the first part of my life living a boring and mundane existence where I followed the rules and did all that I was asked and told to do. I grew up thinking that what others thought of me was more important than what I thought of myself, and so I gave myself away again and again to the needs of others. I never learned how to play or color outside the lines of my mundane life, and the worst part is that I didn’t even see the joy I was missing. I found myself an adult having never truly experienced life, love, adventure, thrill, or excitement outside of books and my imagination.
I am sitting in my car in rush hour traffic when I feel it happen. I am listening to music and a song that always touches my heart comes on over the speakers, and I just feel tears start rolling down my cheeks. I am thankful that I’m in traffic and not really moving because the tears come faster and overtake my vision. The tears are a release of sadness, anger, hope, and disappointment; they are also releasing of energy that was never mine to begin with, energy that I picked up throughout the day. I let the tears roll down my face, leaving glistening wet stripes covering my cheeks and a puddle of collected tears on my shirt. I don’t try to brush them away. All of a sudden a feeling of frustration with myself overcomes me because although I am experiencing all these emotions, I am also feeling very grateful for my life. I have had some amazing sessions this week, had some heartfelt moments, great sex, and a list of about a million other little blessings that transpired over the week.