I feel like Orgasm Goldilocks!

I lay there as this first gentleman begins to stroke my body
I give soft but meaningful direction
I need the strokes soft and long and then a little shorter and quicker.
I share my own sensation but he isn’t listening to direction and so when I say left he makes no move to change things up. I say right and he continues to do exactly what he was doing.
I agree for him to enter me but the lack of direction has now got me into my own brain and nothing seems to be working. I logically know he is there but yet my body barricades against this touch because he isn’t listening and my body can’t relax knowing I can’t trust. I can’t surrender to the orgasm. He isn’t “bad” but I’m left unfed by the encounter.

💝You Love The Idea of Me! 💝

I get told all the time by people that they love me.
And I love to be loved but the truth is that most of them don’t really love me…

They don’t love me because they don’t really know me
They love the idea of me that they have created in their head
It is a figment of their imagination and has nothing to do with me.

I’ve told by clients consistently that they love me but they don’t have to sit with me in my dark and scary moments. My moments of drowning in my ego where it’s hard to get a breath. When they see these things they turn away. These times where I am lazy, unsexy, emotional, and angry. They love the idea of me…

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Orgasm Blame Game

It’s early evening when I receive the text, and I am relaxing outside and trying to get some work done. I see the name, and I am immediately intrigued because it is rare these days that I see this name on my phone screen. He wants to come over for a little while, and I know that he has plans beyond just chatting. I sit, staring at my phone for a few minutes, pondering my options. On the one hand, I know that I really need and desire some focused attention. On the other hand, I have some major emotional blocks with him right now and am still holding a traumatic event in my body. I have the choice to lean into the vulnerable here or to shut down and completely shut him out. I finally decide to step into vulnerability and see if I can allow my own opening with his help. Read more

🍲🥑🥦I pop something in the microwave to stay warm as I am cooking. I begin thinking back over my day. 🍲🥑🥦

I think about how it has truly been a microwave type of day!

Everyone wanting results NOW but not willing to put in the work. 
I can vividly see the face of one consult as I told him that three minutes of penetration with his woman isn’t going to cut it for her orgasm and that actually he needs to be spending 20-40 mins on her prior to any penetration!

The Average Woman is a Prostitute
pros·ti·tute (ˈprästəˌt(y)o͞ot/)

(noun) 1. a person, in particular a woman, who engages in sexual activity for payment.

The above is Google’s definition of a prostitute, and this is the common definition across many sites. A person engaging in sexual activity for some form of payment. Thus making today’s average woman a prostitute, married, single, doesn’t matter, we have become a gender that sells our bodies. Read more

Are You Full or Are You Remaining Hungry?

Let me tell you a story about me, Addison Bell, when I was about 20 years old. It’s not a pretty story. Actually, it’s quite the opposite, and so I desire to give a warning that this is not going to be beautiful and sexy. It is also a part of the story I don’t usually tell both because it saddens me to think of and also because the person I speak of is no longer the person I see in the mirror. Read more

There!

When I get there, my life will be perfect. When I get there, I will be happy. When I get there, I will be able to focus on my family/friends. When I get there, I will be able to do the things I’ve always wanted to do. There, There, There… but never Here.

I’ve said it, and I bet you have said it too. The comments about how things will be different when you have reached a goal. The problem being that, for most of us, this goal is a constant moving target or it never creates the total life change that we expect. We keep on a lifelong search for our happiness, joy, time, and perfect life that never comes. We put our joy off until the ‘perfect’ man/woman comes into our life, until we get that new promotion, until we have enough money in the bank, until we are fully enlightened, until… we die. Read more