I lay there and have a strong desire to be held in that moment. To be held and kissed, and penetrated on a multitude of levels. It’s funny because a piece of me WANTS sex in that moment and then another piece is stuck in a sense of ambivalence about the whole thing. As I ponder, I think about how things have changed so quickly for me in the sex department. Guy A just wasn’t a fit even though he was really nice, but I’m not one to string people along if the chemistry is not there. Guy B and I aren’t really speaking at the moment and we both need a breather. Guy C is simply going to be labeled an asshole in my book from here on out. And my negative mood and complete absence of sexual desire for a week or so sent Guy D packing for the hills. So I think, “Well, this royally sucks. I am officially in drought territory!”
We’ve all been there. Where we are wanting to connect intimately and sexually with another human but for some reason our options are limited. Now, I will say that often these “options” are self-limited because we have standards for who, when, and in what manner we have sex. For myself, I am very careful with who I choose to have sex with because I know that this person is going to become part of me from there on out. Then there are also the times when you mentally want to have sex but your body is not on board. In times of stress it is harder for us as humans, and especially women, to become aroused and open to engaging in sex. So you could desire it mentally but your body may not respond to these thoughts and efforts. These and many other scenarios can lead to what I call the sexual drought!
Our sexuality is attached to our creativity and our mental and also physical well-being. When we are not engaging in sex, we can sometimes notice deficits in other areas of our lives. That being said, I don’t necessarily think a sexual drought is a bad thing, if managed correctly and is only for a short period of time.
My belief is that this time gives one the ability to reflect on where they are with their sexuality, what they need, what they may look forward to trying in the future, and simply to re-evaluate the types of sexual relationships they want to engage in. This can also be a great time to check in with yourself on how you are treating yourself sexually. Are you simply having sex for the sake of having sex? Are you taking the time to connect with your own body? And are you honoring your body in sexual relationships with others? This is a great time to reintegrate with yourself.
So how do we manage this drought period and come out better for it? Here are a few tips:
Touch yourself: During this drought period it is important that you maintain a sense of your own body. This can be as simple as taking the time to spread lotion on every area of your body and really tune in to all the sensations you are experiencing in that moment. Really sink in to your own touch. This also goes for taking the time to masturbate. This does not mean pull out the porn and lose all track of your own body. This means take the time to really FEEL your body – to feel how it is to be touched in different areas and focus on energy going from the bottom of your spine up to the top of your head. Feel as your Kundalini energy rises and build it up to a point where you can circulate it through your body. This type of self-touch will keep you from losing touch with yourself when not having sex. It will keep your brain chemicals in an open and creative space and keep your mood at a higher vibration.
Let others touch you: There is no reason for you to be devoid of touch completely. This is when you find other alternatives for touch than sex. If you plan on seeing a friend, then ask for a hug. It’s probably easier for women, but go ahead, step out of your comfort zone, and admit to someone that you need a heart-connected hug. If you know any children, then ask them for a hug (in a non-creepy way). I know frequently if I am in need of a hug I will ask my young nephews and they are totally willing to “bear hug” Aunt Addison! Children’s love can be so pure that sometimes this is exactly the type of energy you need. If those two ideas do not work, then reach out to a massage therapist and get some good focused attention. One of the best ways to keep your sexual energy up is to get a tantric bodywork session with myself or another practitioner. This allows for not only touch, but touch that stimulates sexual energy through practices we can help teach..
Keep your passions: Anything that keeps you engaged and passionate about life will also keep your sexual energy and overall passion alive. When we are focused on lack, then that is exactly what gets called into our lives. So if you are taking the time to engage in things you love and enjoy, then you are calling in just the right energy for a fun and playful sexual relationship.
Give yourself meditative time: This does not necessarily mean to sit cross-legged on the floor in silence for hours at a time. What I mean by meditative time is to take the time to breathe and really think about what you want out of your next sexual relationship. Think about where you are headed in your life and what your current desires are overall. Spend time manifesting that next wonderful sexual relationship.
For more tips and ideas to getting your sexual life back on track TODAY… book an appointment HERE.