How I Lost 25lbs and Gained Sexual Empowerment Through Tantra

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From the time I was 10 years-old until I was in my twenties, I fought a bloody battle with my own body, which manifested as anorexia and bulimia. I spent 15 years in what can only be described as a hell of my own body but more than anything, a place where I was a prisoner of my own mind. I was blessed, however, to get help and eventually fully recover. I learned to come to a place of peace with my body and formed an essence of neutrality. I no longer put effort into trying to lose weight because I knew this was a slippery slop to relapse. Through the years of recovery it became apparent that I needed to work on my past sexual trauma that was keeping me stuck in not only a war against my body but in many areas of my life, especially my sexuality. I would later learn that most individuals with eating disorders also have some difficulties with their sexuality in some form or fashion. I went to therapy religiously and pushed myself to open up internal boxes that I had bolted shut. The deeper I dug the more disgusted I found for my sexuality and the more my body shut down physically.

I found myself fully recovered from my eating disorder but still struggling with my body in terms of my sexuality, and simply talking about it wasn’t fixing the physical problems that had developed. No matter how many times I sat in therapy sessions my therapist wasn’t able to help me make penetration hurt any less, nor was my doctor even able to help for that matter. Nor were they able to take away the extreme panic, the flashbacks, or the nausea I would have when a date became more sensual. So, I decided it was time to seek out another way to work through my problems surrounding sexuality. I had heard about practitioners that did hands on work and so I began Googling until I came across what would later become my Tantric Sex Coach. It took almost a year before I actually met her and agreed to do the work that was necessary for my own healing.

When I began seeing her I was completely frozen in my body, had very little body awareness, reported zero sexual desire, and although I was not overweight I held an extra 25lbs on my petite frame as a protective shield. I exercised and ate a generally balanced diet, and at the time I was at what clinicians called my “ideal body weight.” Session after session I dug into my beliefs surrounding sex, my desires, and my body and began peeling away layers of distorted beliefs. Then we began moving on to more experiential tantric sessions where I began discovering an energy in my body that I had never noticed. I began feeling the beginnings of arousal and desire and started to feel my entire body for the first time since I was a child. My physical body began to relax through tantric practices of breathing, relaxing, and being mindful of my “Kundalini” (sexual) energy.

The first time I had sex after beginning to study and integrate Tantra, I found that I was able to relax enough that I wasn’t screaming in pain, whereas in the months prior, inserting a tampon was painful. The other thing I began noticing, was that as I peeled away negative belief systems through the experiential processes, my body began unfolding as well. All of a sudden my waist began to become more slender, my hips took on a different curve, and my face went from being rounded to thin and elongated. I was in my late twenties but my body started changing in ways that I can only compare to puberty!

From my years of working in mental health, my degree in psychology, and training in Bioenergetics I knew that oftentimes our physical bodies are representations of the lives we have lived. (For more information see “The Body Keeps Score”). This mental knowledge began to play out right in front of me when I looked in the mirror, and it took me by surprise.

As I stated earlier, I did not believe in dieting and I was not attempting to lose weight but clothes that were once tight became loose and then began falling off . The more Tantra got me in touch with my body the more I was able to tune in and listen to what it desired in regards to food and exercise. I was able to savor every morsel of chocolate instead of eating a whole candy bar and not enjoying its taste. I was able to crave fruits and vegetables and the energy they provided my body. I did not eat them just because they were “healthy.” I ate fruits and vegetables because they were what my body wanted. The feelings I had of disgust at my body and sexuality, that used to induce nausea, was no longer present.

I began enjoying the movements of my body more, because for once, I felt really good and was literally not lugging around pounds of trauma. Sex was fun and lasted longer and longer because I was enjoying the dance and movement of the intimacy. I began having orgasms that shook my whole body for hours. I would leave one of my lovers, and my stomach muscles would still be rippling from the energy of the previous sex session. I would awake the next morning feeling like I had spent 2 hours at the gym. For the first time in my life I would walk, dance, or engage in other movements just because it brought me pleasure.

I began to love my body more for whatever it looked like through the practice of tantra. Tantra translates as “weave” and this is what I started to do with my sexuality and my body. A big piece of tantra is learning to honor, and one of the things we honor is the inner “God/Goddess” in everyone. So I began taping into that divinity of my own spirit. I developed new belief systems surrounding why I was here on this earth and in this physical body. I found a beauty within that made me want to take care of my myself as a whole. I started to understand that our thoughts manifest our world; for example, if you focus on being “fat,” that is exactly what your reality becomes.

I find it amazing that, as soon as I truly “let myself go” my body took on the shape that I had literally almost killed myself for only years prior! With the help of Tantra I have found a fun and orgasmic sex life but also a true connection with my body.

Now as a Sex/Relationship Coach & Tantric Practitioner, I feel blessed to be able to help people gain the same benefits that I had received when I got into Tantra. I revel in the changes I see physically and energetically in clients as they begin to do this work. It is extraordinary to see people release things that have clung to their spirits like mud. I feel incredibly honored to be able to walk through pain, tears, shame, nightmares and joy with my clients the way that some outstanding people have done for me.

So although I will NEVER give dieting advice, here is a review of some elements that you can include in your life to help you find a body and life closer to what you desire:

  • Stop focusing on your weight in a negative way! The more you focus on how unhappy you are with your body the more you will tell the Universe that this is the body you want. If you think you’re fat you will be fat! Instead focus on aspects about your life and body that you enjoy.
  • Become more mindful of your body in diet and exercise. When you are eating, make sure you are focusing more on the taste of the food and the energy it gives off. When you are exercising, focus on how your body is enjoying the movement. Don’t deprive your body from foods that it really wants. If you want chocolate, then eat it – but eat it mindfully.
  • Have more SEX! There are many health benefits of good sex, but one of them is weight loss and toning. This will only work if you are having deep, connective sex, otherwise you will not be releasing the correct chemicals into your brain, and your orgasms won’t be deep enough to give you the full benefit. This goes for men and women.
  • Start working with a Tantric practitioner to release stored traumas from your body. When we are carrying around negative energy we are simply not able to live our best lives. Studies have shown that we can also physically carry these traumas through fat stores, cancers and other physical representations.

Reach out to Addison Bell, Sex & Relationship Coach and Tantric Practitioner, TODAY to find help in creating a better life and body for yourself!

www.addisonbell.net/contact

The Art of Thank You

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The phone falls from my hand after I read the text that rips my heart apart and brings my Ego to the forefront. A lover just dropped a major bomb in my life and I feel frozen. Then I crumble like a million pieces of sand on the floor of my living room as a stream of tears floods my face. I feel both “too much” and “not enough” in this moment and simply want to die… THANK YOU!

It’s my first bodywork session and I am both excited and nervous as shivers run down my spine and butterflies dance in my stomach. I feel like I am becoming one with the table and the soft strokes that help my body open up to sensation and begin teaching me to reconnect with my body. The moment comes for the session to end where I open my eyes and the most beautiful flowers have been laid upon my chest. I hear my mentor call me a Goddess and she tells me to feel and see my divine beauty in that moment… THANK YOU!

I’m in the back of the car with a lover (now ex-lover) and he is very drunk from the evening. It has been a very long night and the very last thing I want in this moment is to be touched. However, he starts kissing on me and grabbing at my breasts. I tell him no and that he is drunk. I tell him no and push him across the backseat. He grabs me aggressively and the soft kisses turn cold and hard as he takes things further despite my protests… My stomach turns to rock as I realize what’s about to go down in this back seat and I’m not physically strong enough to stop it… THANK YOU!

Someone takes a leap of faith and is vulnerable with me… Thank you.

$600 unexpected bill for new tires… Thank you.

A smile and hug from a friend… Thank you.

An empty hollow feeling in my gut… Thank you.

 

“Your mantra is thank you. Just keep saying thank you. Don’t explain. Don’t complain. Just say thank you. Say thank you to existence.” – Mooji

 

It is easy to be grateful when things in your life are going great or when you are having one of those soul-opening moments where your Kundalini energy is flowing to the point that you feel one with the Universe. These are the moments in my life that I am overflowing with love and gratitude. These are those moments that you can’t get enough of out of life and the times when the people in your life shine especially bright. During these times, it is important to be present and take in all the yummy feelings and use them to propel you forward to manifesting your dreams.

What about the other moments, though? The moments where we find ourselves laid out on the floor in a puddle of tears with our faith in ourselves, humanity, and life in question. Those moments where everything seems to be falling apart or those moments when nothing is falling apart but we just feel empty and that sometimes feels worse. These are often the hardest times to have gratitude. It’s hard to be grateful when your perception is that things are going wrong.

The problem is often it’s just that… a perception. When we are in the middle of a situation, it is difficult to see the positives that can come from a difficult situation or in turn the negatives that can come from what was perceived as a positive situation. Tremendous growth and transformation can occur at our lowest points and a situation that feels heavenly one moment can turn devastating in the next. As humans, it often takes time and sometimes space to get a different perspective on a situation. We don’t see how our thoughts, feelings, and beliefs are manifesting our whole life into being, how we are creating the reality in which we live.

There are many times that things are not getting worse but we are simply beginning to pull back the veil of new learning and transformation. Without these events, nothing would change and our needed growth would not occur. So, it is the perception of how things “are” that is creating the problem and this perception in turn stirs our difficult feelings. The more energy we place in resisting something, the more we struggle and manifest more of this same negative vibration.

This is where the mantra of “Thank you” comes into play. When we simply say thank you (and mean it), we immediately let go of a level of resistance against that event or person. We are validating that everything and everyone we experience in life comes to teach us in some way. Some of these lessons feel better than others in the moment but all are important. Even those times when we search our minds and can’t find any possible lesson… I promise there is a lesson to be learned even if it may take years to become clear.

All of that said, I do not believe that saying “Thank you” will necessarily change all feelings about all situations; however, it does begin your journey through these feelings in a more positive cognitive space. If we begin with thank you then we begin by noting there is something positive to come from the moment and being grateful for our simple existence. Yes, there are going to be times when it may be harder to be in full alignment with “Thank you.” We don’t always understand the events in our lives so when someone’s sick, dies, or a traumatic event occurs, it can be especially hard to have any form of gratitude, but in that gratitude one can begin to find healing and often greater alignment with the Universe.

Thank you, just thank you!

 

Give it a try TODAY! No it won’t fix all your problems immediately but with practice it will begin to change your life.

Want to change your life?

Apply to work with Addison at www.addisonbell.net/contact