Sex Coach / Expert Author/ Tantric Practitioner
Let me tell you a story about me, Addison Bell, when I was about 20 years old. It’s not a pretty story. Actually, it’s quite the opposite, and so I desire to give a warning that this is not going to be beautiful and sexy. It is also a part of the story I don’t usually tell both because it saddens me to think of and also because the person I speak of is no longer the person I see in the mirror. Read more
“My body is tense and tight as are my emotions and heart. I feel little love, appreciation or compassion let alone toleration. Or perhaps that is all I feel. I am tolerating life. I am tolerating work. I am tolerating my family. There is no feeling of interconnectedness, no desire washing through me. I feel lost, alone, depressed without reason, fatigued and sore. I feel loveless and angry. I feel an ever growing panic inside of my soul. As if my life is being stolen and for what? Read more
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I lay there on the table in front of the crowd, and I can hear the small whispers as I settle into my positioning. I feel the whispered breeze the air conditioner is creating above me that sends a shiver down my spine and listen to the pitter patter my heart is giving off. I take a deep inhale as I prepare my mind and body to enter the realm of orgasm. I have a hard time quieting my mind at this moment because for the last few weeks, I’ve had a significant amount of stress that has been greatly impacting my orgasm, and all these eyes are watching me are wanting to see orgasmic energy. There is an expectant energy oozing from the crowd of smiling faces. Read more
From the time I was 10 years-old until I was in my twenties, I fought a bloody battle with my own body, which manifested as anorexia and bulimia. I spent 15 years in what can only be described as a hell of my own body but more than anything, a place where I was a prisoner of my own mind. I was blessed, however, to get help and eventually fully recover. I learned to come to a place of peace with my body and formed an essence of neutrality. I no longer put effort into trying to lose weight because I knew this was a slippery slop to relapse. Through the years of recovery it became apparent that I needed to work on my past sexual trauma that was keeping me stuck in not only a war against my body but in many areas of my life, especially my sexuality. I would later learn that most individuals with eating disorders also have some difficulties with their sexuality in some form or fashion. I went to therapy religiously and pushed myself to open up internal boxes that I had bolted shut. The deeper I dug the more disgusted I found for my sexuality and the more my body shut down physically.
Scenario 1: We have just come out from an extraordinary concert that has my heart dancing from the beautiful music. As we walk down the sidewalk, he grasps my shoulders and pushes me to the right, and I get jokingly scolded as he explains that he needs to be between me and traffic. In this moment, he wants to be my protector.
Scenario 2: I patiently sit and wait for him to come around to my side of the car and open the door. I have to take a second to breathe past my conditioning of doing things for myself and just allow. He opens the door, I place my hand in his, and he gives me a gentle kiss before guiding me to our destination as I thank him for his thoughtfulness.
Scenario 3: We are lying on the couch and just chatting as he shows me some interesting pictures and videos on social media. The conversation turns slightly sexy, and there is definitely a sexual tension in the room, but I feel frozen and am not making any moves. Then he suddenly stands up, grasps my hand, says he wants me, and pulls me up the stairs to his bedroom where we have an evening of play.