How I Lost 25lbs and Gained Sexual Empowerment Through Tantra

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From the time I was 10 years-old until I was in my twenties, I fought a bloody battle with my own body, which manifested as anorexia and bulimia. I spent 15 years in what can only be described as a hell of my own body but more than anything, a place where I was a prisoner of my own mind. I was blessed, however, to get help and eventually fully recover. I learned to come to a place of peace with my body and formed an essence of neutrality. I no longer put effort into trying to lose weight because I knew this was a slippery slop to relapse. Through the years of recovery it became apparent that I needed to work on my past sexual trauma that was keeping me stuck in not only a war against my body but in many areas of my life, especially my sexuality. I would later learn that most individuals with eating disorders also have some difficulties with their sexuality in some form or fashion. I went to therapy religiously and pushed myself to open up internal boxes that I had bolted shut. The deeper I dug the more disgusted I found for my sexuality and the more my body shut down physically.

I found myself fully recovered from my eating disorder but still struggling with my body in terms of my sexuality, and simply talking about it wasn’t fixing the physical problems that had developed. No matter how many times I sat in therapy sessions my therapist wasn’t able to help me make penetration hurt any less, nor was my doctor even able to help for that matter. Nor were they able to take away the extreme panic, the flashbacks, or the nausea I would have when a date became more sensual. So, I decided it was time to seek out another way to work through my problems surrounding sexuality. I had heard about practitioners that did hands on work and so I began Googling until I came across what would later become my Tantric Sex Coach. It took almost a year before I actually met her and agreed to do the work that was necessary for my own healing.

When I began seeing her I was completely frozen in my body, had very little body awareness, reported zero sexual desire, and although I was not overweight I held an extra 25lbs on my petite frame as a protective shield. I exercised and ate a generally balanced diet, and at the time I was at what clinicians called my “ideal body weight.” Session after session I dug into my beliefs surrounding sex, my desires, and my body and began peeling away layers of distorted beliefs. Then we began moving on to more experiential tantric sessions where I began discovering an energy in my body that I had never noticed. I began feeling the beginnings of arousal and desire and started to feel my entire body for the first time since I was a child. My physical body began to relax through tantric practices of breathing, relaxing, and being mindful of my “Kundalini” (sexual) energy.

The first time I had sex after beginning to study and integrate Tantra, I found that I was able to relax enough that I wasn’t screaming in pain, whereas in the months prior, inserting a tampon was painful. The other thing I began noticing, was that as I peeled away negative belief systems through the experiential processes, my body began unfolding as well. All of a sudden my waist began to become more slender, my hips took on a different curve, and my face went from being rounded to thin and elongated. I was in my late twenties but my body started changing in ways that I can only compare to puberty!

From my years of working in mental health, my degree in psychology, and training in Bioenergetics I knew that oftentimes our physical bodies are representations of the lives we have lived. (For more information see “The Body Keeps Score”). This mental knowledge began to play out right in front of me when I looked in the mirror, and it took me by surprise.

As I stated earlier, I did not believe in dieting and I was not attempting to lose weight but clothes that were once tight became loose and then began falling off . The more Tantra got me in touch with my body the more I was able to tune in and listen to what it desired in regards to food and exercise. I was able to savor every morsel of chocolate instead of eating a whole candy bar and not enjoying its taste. I was able to crave fruits and vegetables and the energy they provided my body. I did not eat them just because they were “healthy.” I ate fruits and vegetables because they were what my body wanted. The feelings I had of disgust at my body and sexuality, that used to induce nausea, was no longer present.

I began enjoying the movements of my body more, because for once, I felt really good and was literally not lugging around pounds of trauma. Sex was fun and lasted longer and longer because I was enjoying the dance and movement of the intimacy. I began having orgasms that shook my whole body for hours. I would leave one of my lovers, and my stomach muscles would still be rippling from the energy of the previous sex session. I would awake the next morning feeling like I had spent 2 hours at the gym. For the first time in my life I would walk, dance, or engage in other movements just because it brought me pleasure.

I began to love my body more for whatever it looked like through the practice of tantra. Tantra translates as “weave” and this is what I started to do with my sexuality and my body. A big piece of tantra is learning to honor, and one of the things we honor is the inner “God/Goddess” in everyone. So I began taping into that divinity of my own spirit. I developed new belief systems surrounding why I was here on this earth and in this physical body. I found a beauty within that made me want to take care of my myself as a whole. I started to understand that our thoughts manifest our world; for example, if you focus on being “fat,” that is exactly what your reality becomes.

I find it amazing that, as soon as I truly “let myself go” my body took on the shape that I had literally almost killed myself for only years prior! With the help of Tantra I have found a fun and orgasmic sex life but also a true connection with my body.

Now as a Sex/Relationship Coach & Tantric Practitioner, I feel blessed to be able to help people gain the same benefits that I had received when I got into Tantra. I revel in the changes I see physically and energetically in clients as they begin to do this work. It is extraordinary to see people release things that have clung to their spirits like mud. I feel incredibly honored to be able to walk through pain, tears, shame, nightmares and joy with my clients the way that some outstanding people have done for me.

So although I will NEVER give dieting advice, here is a review of some elements that you can include in your life to help you find a body and life closer to what you desire:

  • Stop focusing on your weight in a negative way! The more you focus on how unhappy you are with your body the more you will tell the Universe that this is the body you want. If you think you’re fat you will be fat! Instead focus on aspects about your life and body that you enjoy.
  • Become more mindful of your body in diet and exercise. When you are eating, make sure you are focusing more on the taste of the food and the energy it gives off. When you are exercising, focus on how your body is enjoying the movement. Don’t deprive your body from foods that it really wants. If you want chocolate, then eat it – but eat it mindfully.
  • Have more SEX! There are many health benefits of good sex, but one of them is weight loss and toning. This will only work if you are having deep, connective sex, otherwise you will not be releasing the correct chemicals into your brain, and your orgasms won’t be deep enough to give you the full benefit. This goes for men and women.
  • Start working with a Tantric practitioner to release stored traumas from your body. When we are carrying around negative energy we are simply not able to live our best lives. Studies have shown that we can also physically carry these traumas through fat stores, cancers and other physical representations.

Reach out to Addison Bell, Sex & Relationship Coach and Tantric Practitioner, TODAY to find help in creating a better life and body for yourself!

www.addisonbell.net/contact

Hideous Situation Of Love

b5d277a59f8e5390355cc641d238103dI sit there talking to this man and I find a little corner of my heart making space for love towards this man. We chat about a recent date of his, and I laugh with him about his slyness with coming up with amazing adventures. I love hearing about one of his lovers, specifically because it fills me with joy to know that he is happy and to see the beautiful relationship he has built. I am new and so stand in awe of the magnificent love. However, in his haste to get things out of his mouth and find clarity within himself, he stumbles over his words and unbeknownst to him, they come out all wrong. I suddenly try to eradicate that little piece of my heart that was just implanted with love… but it won’t budge. My heart clenches, my chest aches, and my eyes struggle to hold back the tears in the dark. I lose touch with everything being said and have a vivid image of my heart bleeding all over this beautiful bedroom. He chatters on about general life without realizing I deeply need triage.

Love sucks! Yep, I said it, love is one of the most beautiful and terrible things we humans experience. I say this because although love in its purest form is true beauty, our humanness gets in the way. At the same time, love makes life worth living, in my humble opinion. Love keeps me going and in all its different expressions, it pushes me forward. Love comes in so many shapes and sizes and does not necessarily mean a state of romance. Love is simply an energy and feeling that is ever changing.

I was born with a deeply sensitive heart. You can’t tell me not to love someone! When you enter my life and moreover my inner circle, then I am going to love you. I see the beauty in people, and I can’t help but love their souls. Unfortunately/ fortunately, I can count 1…2… 3…4 people I ‘shouldn’t’ love but somehow my brain can’t convince my heart to build a wall. I love big, and I love deep. I love until it physically aches in my chest and my soul. Despite the initial plans for a relationship, I can’t help where this heart of mine wanders. I am like the ocean, and so, therefore, my heart flows in the same wild manner. I can tell myself a thousand times to not fall in love and block my heart off, as well as about the ramifications of unrequited love, and the eventual pain that comes with loving deeply, yet my love persists.

As much as I would love to say I live unattached… that’d be a big fat lie. If my soul sings around another person, then I become attached. Not attached in a sense I would hold someone. That is not love! If I love someone, then if the time comes to let them go, despite the pain I might feel, I love them enough to let them fly. I become attached in the manner of wanting to be in their presence, see their beauty, feel their joy, and be a support for their sorrow.

Love = Vulnerability

Definition:

Vulnerability: The quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally.

There is no way around vulnerability in love. To love is to be vulnerable and take the chance the other person in your life will treat that vulnerability with respect. There are no guarantees. Even in loving children, pets, careers, etc. we choose both the love and the pain. All relationships in their human form must end and so with that ending comes an inevitable degree of pain. Whether that pain be now or 50 years later, all true love will also bring a level of pain.

This pain may be someone purposely hurting you. It may be someone accidently hurting you because we are all humans with our own wounding. It may be losing a relationship for a variety of reasons, including death. However, the pain may be simply standing there naked in our own skin and having to deal with inner demons and being seen. We live in a world where we build walls not only between ourselves and other people, but also within ourselves.

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” 
― C.S. LewisThe Four Loves
So, why do it?

Consequently, we can’t love if we are not vulnerable. We would cut off all positive feelings and energy in the relationship and then love in that relationship would no longer exist. We can’t hit those ecstatic states we dream about in love without taking the risk. As the above quotes explains, we can live cut off from the pain of love, but we won’t actually be living. The natural state of our souls is a state of love and so we would be cutting ourselves off from our own soul, which is unsustainable.

Love in all its forms gives us:

  • Motivation/Drive
  • Passion
  • Connection
  • Meaning/Purpose
  • Joy

Love is complicated, and so there are no quick fix tips. There are many things you can do when you find yourself in love and a state of vulnerability. However, the best advice I can give is simply to breathe! Breathe through the pain, the vulnerability, and your Ego. Breathe while sitting in the glory and ache of it all! Share and process with those you trust. Allow yourself to feel the whole gamut of emotions! Then have gratitude because to feel, to love, to be vulnerable is to be alive. And to truly live is the best adventure!

For Help with your love life… Reach out TODAY! www.addisonbell.net

The Art of Thank You

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The phone falls from my hand after I read the text that rips my heart apart and brings my Ego to the forefront. A lover just dropped a major bomb in my life and I feel frozen. Then I crumble like a million pieces of sand on the floor of my living room as a stream of tears floods my face. I feel both “too much” and “not enough” in this moment and simply want to die… THANK YOU!

It’s my first bodywork session and I am both excited and nervous as shivers run down my spine and butterflies dance in my stomach. I feel like I am becoming one with the table and the soft strokes that help my body open up to sensation and begin teaching me to reconnect with my body. The moment comes for the session to end where I open my eyes and the most beautiful flowers have been laid upon my chest. I hear my mentor call me a Goddess and she tells me to feel and see my divine beauty in that moment… THANK YOU!

I’m in the back of the car with a lover (now ex-lover) and he is very drunk from the evening. It has been a very long night and the very last thing I want in this moment is to be touched. However, he starts kissing on me and grabbing at my breasts. I tell him no and that he is drunk. I tell him no and push him across the backseat. He grabs me aggressively and the soft kisses turn cold and hard as he takes things further despite my protests… My stomach turns to rock as I realize what’s about to go down in this back seat and I’m not physically strong enough to stop it… THANK YOU!

Someone takes a leap of faith and is vulnerable with me… Thank you.

$600 unexpected bill for new tires… Thank you.

A smile and hug from a friend… Thank you.

An empty hollow feeling in my gut… Thank you.

 

“Your mantra is thank you. Just keep saying thank you. Don’t explain. Don’t complain. Just say thank you. Say thank you to existence.” – Mooji

 

It is easy to be grateful when things in your life are going great or when you are having one of those soul-opening moments where your Kundalini energy is flowing to the point that you feel one with the Universe. These are the moments in my life that I am overflowing with love and gratitude. These are those moments that you can’t get enough of out of life and the times when the people in your life shine especially bright. During these times, it is important to be present and take in all the yummy feelings and use them to propel you forward to manifesting your dreams.

What about the other moments, though? The moments where we find ourselves laid out on the floor in a puddle of tears with our faith in ourselves, humanity, and life in question. Those moments where everything seems to be falling apart or those moments when nothing is falling apart but we just feel empty and that sometimes feels worse. These are often the hardest times to have gratitude. It’s hard to be grateful when your perception is that things are going wrong.

The problem is often it’s just that… a perception. When we are in the middle of a situation, it is difficult to see the positives that can come from a difficult situation or in turn the negatives that can come from what was perceived as a positive situation. Tremendous growth and transformation can occur at our lowest points and a situation that feels heavenly one moment can turn devastating in the next. As humans, it often takes time and sometimes space to get a different perspective on a situation. We don’t see how our thoughts, feelings, and beliefs are manifesting our whole life into being, how we are creating the reality in which we live.

There are many times that things are not getting worse but we are simply beginning to pull back the veil of new learning and transformation. Without these events, nothing would change and our needed growth would not occur. So, it is the perception of how things “are” that is creating the problem and this perception in turn stirs our difficult feelings. The more energy we place in resisting something, the more we struggle and manifest more of this same negative vibration.

This is where the mantra of “Thank you” comes into play. When we simply say thank you (and mean it), we immediately let go of a level of resistance against that event or person. We are validating that everything and everyone we experience in life comes to teach us in some way. Some of these lessons feel better than others in the moment but all are important. Even those times when we search our minds and can’t find any possible lesson… I promise there is a lesson to be learned even if it may take years to become clear.

All of that said, I do not believe that saying “Thank you” will necessarily change all feelings about all situations; however, it does begin your journey through these feelings in a more positive cognitive space. If we begin with thank you then we begin by noting there is something positive to come from the moment and being grateful for our simple existence. Yes, there are going to be times when it may be harder to be in full alignment with “Thank you.” We don’t always understand the events in our lives so when someone’s sick, dies, or a traumatic event occurs, it can be especially hard to have any form of gratitude, but in that gratitude one can begin to find healing and often greater alignment with the Universe.

Thank you, just thank you!

 

Give it a try TODAY! No it won’t fix all your problems immediately but with practice it will begin to change your life.

Want to change your life?

Apply to work with Addison at www.addisonbell.net/contact

Beauty of the Double Goddess Session


I love doing a good bodywork session. I find the process beautiful and spiritual as I see my clients grow and relax into their own divine natures. Although I love all my bodywork sessions, I have a special place in my heart for those sessions where I get to share the energy with a fellow Tantric Goddess!

I recently had the opportunity to do some joint sessions with my colleague and mentor, Kendal Williams. There is an amazing energy that is created in a Double Goddess session where two women are able to create a truly memorable experience for their God. Each session is different in the way the session progresses, the depth of the session, and the energy that culminates. The beauty of these sessions is that just like unique gems each Tantric Goddess brings a different and special personal energy into the session. It’s even more special when those two Goddesses have a prior connection and so are able to synchronize their movements and add complimentary energy. Here is a short peek into one of these sessions that I hold so dear in my heart…

The session began by my fellow Goddess and mentor inviting our client into the room with a warm and genuine hug. I could tell there was caring energy already between practitioner and client, which put my heart at ease. We all spent a few minutes talking about life, weather, and Tantra. Then the gorgeous session began. We all began grounding and breathing. As we touched our God’s heart chakra, I could feel energy moving up my body, merging with Kendal’s energy and mixing with the energy from our God’s heart chakra as it opened. As I moved my hands up his spine, I could already feel his Kundalini energy rising. We asked permission to remove his garments in a manner of worship and prepared him for what would be a glorious session.

The energy in the room rose as we began to synchronize our movements on our gentleman. I could not only feel his energy but could feel the other Goddesses’ energy and it was as if a symphony of souls was taking place in that moment… His masculine strong energy, with my feminine energy, mixed with her powerful but feminine energy. I look at this very special and beautiful soul under my hands and feel his vibration rising under my strokes. Then I look across this man’s body to Kendal and see almost a glow of light around this woman as she is in a state of honoring of the same soul.

It is a beautiful dance as a chorus of energies collide. I hear a breath of ecstasy escape our God’s lips as he experiences an energetic orgasm that goes on for several minutes under our soft focus. As we begin to slow our strokes down and send loving, grounding energy into our God, I feel like crying for the beauty of the moment. I complete the bodywork with connecting third eye to third eye. Kendal steps out to get us all water as we all reenter this Universe. As we walk our God out of his session, I am overwhelmed with a sensation of gratitude to be able to share another one of these beautiful sessions with my colleague and mentor, as well as with a tantalizing masculine as he grows and expands.

Yes, these sessions are for the client but the beauty created in these moments fills my soul and pushes me to grow a little further each time I share one of these experiences. I feel blessed and more connected to my own body, to my spirit, and to those who walk into these sessions with me. This is how I am living my “Fuck Yes!” life!

*Please note that these sessions are not offered through Addison Bell. In order to reach out to fellow practitioner Kendal Williams please visit her website: http://www.tantrictransformation.com

For information regarding Tantra or Coaching sessions reach out to www.addisonbell.net/contact

Softening Into The Universe

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I have spent the last two weeks in a pile of books. I have read books on sex, on Tantra, on advanced energy techniques, on the human body, on spirit, etc. Honestly, my brain feels like it’s going to explode!

The thing that struck me as I read all of these different books is that everything all came down to simply softening into the Universe. If you want better sex then you have to soften, otherwise you will be unable to connect and experience. If you choose not to soften then you will cut off portions of your experiences, and then you will truly miss out. If you want to feel your energy and/or help others move energy the key is not to grip your mind or clench onto the energy – otherwise you will lose that fragile connection. Instead you are supposed to soften into it. These same concepts apply to spirit, tantric techniques, and dare I say life.

One of the biggest lessons I have learned over the years has been the tighter you hold onto something the greater chance you have of killing that very thing. Take a second to think of the tiny bird that falls from the tree. You go over and pick it up but are afraid to have too light of a grip for fear of it escaping or hurting itself further. So you grip the tiny bird. The bird starts to wiggle, starts to peck, starts to cry out for help. The more it wiggles, the tighter you grip. One of two things is going to happen. 1) It will break free and will never let you get ahold of it again, or 2) You will squish it to death because of your desire to hold on.

I know for many this occurrence often manifests itself in relationships. Often times we love so much and care so much that instead of giving that person room to grow, progress, and be themselves we instead end up making them feel smothered. This looks like love but truly it is only taking control of someone else for our own benefit. The old saying goes, “If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. If they don’t they never were.- Kahlil Gibran”.

I have learned and continue to learn the hard way that when we soften into our lives and what the Universe has in store for us blessings will have an easier time entering our lives. It’s a hard lesson and one that, unfortunately, my monkey brain has to keep learning over and over again in life. When we try to manifest anything in our lives with force we end up blocking the very thing that we are attempting to attract. There is passion, which is a beautiful and wonderful thing, there is putting effort out to make our dreams become a reality, there is dreaming and having belief in your ability… and then there is gripping something so tightly that it dies.

I believe this process to be harder for some than it is for others based upon one’s personality, past emotional wounding, previous personal growth, and also a person’s spiritual belief. If you believe that the Universe will take care of you in the end and that you will be okay, then it is much easier to soften as opposed to an instance where you believe your God/Universe is punishing and will not take care of you and will only watch your suffer needlessly. However, softening into life is a process that only becomes easier when you put it into practice.

So how does one “soften”? There are many techniques but here are just a handful you can try:

  • Breathe! – One of the best ways to soften if you find yourself working too hard or holding too tightly to a person, thought, or situation is to take a few minutes to breathe and feel your body. Pay attention to whether they are short shallow breaths or if they are deep belly breaths. Stay with your breath until you have had a few minutes of successful deep belly breathing. It also can be helpful to picture breathing out the stress, constriction, or situation as you exhale.
  • Meditation – This goes along with the breathing but take time to try to guide your monkey mind away from the situation. There are many ways to meditate, and so find what works best for you. Remember, the main point is to try to clear your mind. You can even visually picture yourself letting go of the situation.
  • Faith – Reminding yourself of your personal beliefs surrounding life and God and the Universe can be helpful in times like these. I often will repeat a mantra such as, “The Universe is guiding me towards my highest good” in order to remind myself to surrender.
  • Letting Emotion Out – Often times people hold onto something so tightly because they are experiencing a stuck emotion. At this point, it’s best to take some time alone and have a good cry, journal without thinking, or throw a mini tantrum! This allows us to get the energy moving in our bodies and opens us up to the ability to soften and accept our humanness.

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This process is not a perfect one, and as humans we will all fall and have to get back up. The importance lies in the acknowledgment of the process and being your own Witness – that’s when things change. Certain areas of your life might be harder to let go of than others… pay attention to these areas, because they have a message. In my own life I find it most difficult to soften into giving people space based upon my own past wounding. So when I find myself clutching onto people, I know that breathing through this is going to be rockier than say softening into a situation that makes me angry. If one area is creating more difficulty than usual, then there is probably something there that needs to be explored or even simply acknowledged.

Be gentle and patient with yourselves!

Namasté!

Addison B.

 

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