Heart-Centered Sex Coach / Expert Author/ Tantric Practitioner
See it published on YourTango.com
Want to get that new partner screaming our name in bed? Here are the steps to help!
Let’s be honest, new partner sex can be awkward at times as both people learn the others likes and dislikes. Sex often can make or break a relationship and so with a new partner it can be stressful and a major time of focus and decision-making. If a partner isn’t able to satisfy us in bed then they may soon become an ex-partner. Read more
As of late, I have been under a bit of scrutiny from several people about my sex coaching business, everywhere from friends to family to other colleagues who all have misconstrued beliefs about what sex coaches do. Honestly, I am not shocked because the truth is that sex coaching is fairly new in mainstream consciousness. If you met ten sex coaches, they would also all have a slightly different way of coaching and different elements that are included in this coaching. Even in my local area, I can think of several sex coaches, and every single one of us approaches coaching in a different manner. Some use more direct talking methods, some incorporate more spiritual practices, some use more straight education, and others are more experiential. This is on top of the fact that sex is still a taboo topic in our society, so it’s no wonder that I get both horrified and intrigued looks when I share with others the career I am so passionate about.
There’s a vast variety of questions and assumptions that people have when hearing that myself and my fellow colleagues are sex coaches. That being said, the one that comes up the most is, “Are you a prostitute? So you have sex with your clients?” Read more
As of late, I have been under a bit of scrutiny from several people about my sex coaching business, everywhere from friends to family to other colleagues who all have misconstrued beliefs about what sex coaches do. Honestly, I am not shocked because the truth is that sex coaching is fairly new in mainstream consciousness. If you met ten sex coaches, they would also all have a slightly different way of coaching and different elements that are included in this coaching. Even in my local area, I can think of several sex coaches, and every single one of us approaches coaching in a different manner. Some use more direct talking methods, some incorporate more spiritual practices, some use more straight education, and others are more experiential. This is on top of the fact that sex is still a taboo topic in our society, so it’s no wonder that I get both horrified and intrigued looks when I share with others the career I am so passionate about.
There’s a vast variety of questions and assumptions that people have when hearing that myself and my fellow colleagues are sex coaches. That being said, the one that comes up the most is, “Are you a prostitute? So you have sex with your clients?” Read more
A sheet and blankets are laid out on his bedroom floor with pillows all around for everyone’s comfort. A candle is lighting the bodies of my two helpers, and the way the candlelight dances off their skin brings a warmness to my cheeks. They have both graciously met to help me practice some new techniques I want to integrate with my clients, but before we have even started, my body is already ALIGHT with orgasmic energy. The wine I drank earlier has me feeling slightly lose, but I focus in on what I have come here to do. Read more
From the time I was 10 years-old until I was in my twenties, I fought a bloody battle with my own body, which manifested as anorexia and bulimia. I spent 15 years in what can only be described as a hell of my own body but more than anything, a place where I was a prisoner of my own mind. I was blessed, however, to get help and eventually fully recover. I learned to come to a place of peace with my body and formed an essence of neutrality. I no longer put effort into trying to lose weight because I knew this was a slippery slop to relapse. Through the years of recovery it became apparent that I needed to work on my past sexual trauma that was keeping me stuck in not only a war against my body but in many areas of my life, especially my sexuality. I would later learn that most individuals with eating disorders also have some difficulties with their sexuality in some form or fashion. I went to therapy religiously and pushed myself to open up internal boxes that I had bolted shut. The deeper I dug the more disgusted I found for my sexuality and the more my body shut down physically.
I’m in the middle of receiving a personal tantric bodywork session… I laugh, I cry, I laugh and cry at the same time, and then, I suddenly go to a peaceful spiritual place where I see vivid white. Prior to leaving the session, I receive amazing grounding, but leave feeling like Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde, and I am surprised at my reaction. I am driving home and suddenly feel slightly drunk. I have not had one drop to drink, but I feel disoriented and am feeling sick to my stomach as I pull in my driveway. I was told to go home and eat grounding foods, but right now, I feel like vomiting all over this apartment, though eating and water are essential for me, right now, to get back to myself. I go to my bedroom and strip and put on the biggest t-shirt and leggings I can find and curl up on the couch for the rest of the evening (Yep, super sexy). I have very interesting dreams throughout the evening and wake up feeling like I was hit by a truck, both physically and emotionally. I start 5, 10, 50 emails to my mentor to process what is stirred up, but truly have no words to capture what feels like intense crazy. Instead, I ground, I breathe, and I do all the things my training has taught me in managing after an intense session. I have to paddle my way through these waves of emotions and know I will be better for it.
Scenario 1: We have just come out from an extraordinary concert that has my heart dancing from the beautiful music. As we walk down the sidewalk, he grasps my shoulders and pushes me to the right, and I get jokingly scolded as he explains that he needs to be between me and traffic. In this moment, he wants to be my protector.
Scenario 2: I patiently sit and wait for him to come around to my side of the car and open the door. I have to take a second to breathe past my conditioning of doing things for myself and just allow. He opens the door, I place my hand in his, and he gives me a gentle kiss before guiding me to our destination as I thank him for his thoughtfulness.
Scenario 3: We are lying on the couch and just chatting as he shows me some interesting pictures and videos on social media. The conversation turns slightly sexy, and there is definitely a sexual tension in the room, but I feel frozen and am not making any moves. Then he suddenly stands up, grasps my hand, says he wants me, and pulls me up the stairs to his bedroom where we have an evening of play.
One sensation was a beautiful energy expanding across my pelvis and a quickening of my breath. The other reaction was a flash of fear—yes, fear.
This particular lover was a larger man, and we had not had sex before. It was a little daunting to be faced with the possibility that my body would struggle to accommodate him and that he wouldn’t be able to read my body, and plow ahead too quickly.
I lay there and have a strong desire to be held in that moment. To be held and kissed, and penetrated on a multitude of levels. It’s funny because a piece of me WANTS sex in that moment and then another piece is stuck in a sense of ambivalence about the whole thing. As I ponder, I think about how things have changed so quickly for me in the sex department. Guy A just wasn’t a fit even though he was really nice, but I’m not one to string people along if the chemistry is not there. Guy B and I aren’t really speaking at the moment and we both need a breather. Guy C is simply going to be labeled an asshole in my book from here on out. And my negative mood and complete absence of sexual desire for a week or so sent Guy D packing for the hills. So I think, “Well, this royally sucks. I am officially in drought territory!”
I am sitting in my car in rush hour traffic when I feel it happen. I am listening to music and a song that always touches my heart comes on over the speakers, and I just feel tears start rolling down my cheeks. I am thankful that I’m in traffic and not really moving because the tears come faster and overtake my vision. The tears are a release of sadness, anger, hope, and disappointment; they are also releasing of energy that was never mine to begin with, energy that I picked up throughout the day. I let the tears roll down my face, leaving glistening wet stripes covering my cheeks and a puddle of collected tears on my shirt. I don’t try to brush them away. All of a sudden a feeling of frustration with myself overcomes me because although I am experiencing all these emotions, I am also feeling very grateful for my life. I have had some amazing sessions this week, had some heartfelt moments, great sex, and a list of about a million other little blessings that transpired over the week.