Sexual Drought!

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I lay there and have a strong desire to be held in that moment. To be held and kissed, and penetrated on a multitude of levels. It’s funny because a piece of me WANTS sex in that moment and then another piece is stuck in a sense of ambivalence about the whole thing. As I ponder, I think about how things have changed so quickly for me in the sex department. Guy A just wasn’t a fit even though he was really nice, but I’m not one to string people along if the chemistry is not there. Guy B and I aren’t really speaking at the moment and we both need a breather. Guy C is simply going to be labeled an asshole in my book from here on out. And my negative mood and complete absence of sexual desire for a week or so sent Guy D packing for the hills. So I think, “Well, this royally sucks. I am officially in drought territory!”

We’ve all been there. Where we are wanting to connect intimately and sexually with another human but for some reason our options are limited. Now, I will say that often these “options” are self-limited because we have standards for who, when, and in what manner we have sex. For myself, I am very careful with who I choose to have sex with because I know that this person is going to become part of me from there on out. Then there are also the times when you mentally want to have sex but your body is not on board. In times of stress it is harder for us as humans, and especially women, to become aroused and open to engaging in sex. So you could desire it mentally but your body may not respond to these thoughts and efforts. These and many other scenarios can lead to what I call the sexual drought!

Our sexuality is attached to our creativity and our mental and also physical well-being. When we are not engaging in sex, we can sometimes notice deficits in other areas of our lives. That being said, I don’t necessarily think a sexual drought is a bad thing, if managed correctly and is only for a short period of time.

My belief is that this time gives one the ability to reflect on where they are with their sexuality, what they need, what they may look forward to trying in the future, and simply to re-evaluate the types of sexual relationships they want to engage in. This can also be a great time to check in with yourself on how you are treating yourself sexually. Are you simply having sex for the sake of having sex? Are you taking the time to connect with your own body? And are you honoring your body in sexual relationships with others? This is a great time to reintegrate with yourself.

So how do we manage this drought period and come out better for it? Here are a few tips:

Touch yourself: During this drought period it is important that you maintain a sense of your own body. This can be as simple as taking the time to spread lotion on every area of your body and really tune in to all the sensations you are experiencing in that moment. Really sink in to your own touch. This also goes for taking the time to masturbate. This does not mean pull out the porn and lose all track of your own body. This means take the time to really FEEL your body – to feel how it is to be touched in different areas and focus on energy going from the bottom of your spine up to the top of your head. Feel as your Kundalini energy rises and build it up to a point where you can circulate it through your body. This type of self-touch will keep you from losing touch with yourself when not having sex. It will keep your brain chemicals in an open and creative space and keep your mood at a higher vibration.

Let others touch you: There is no reason for you to be devoid of touch completely. This is when you find other alternatives for touch than sex. If you plan on seeing a friend, then ask for a hug. It’s probably easier for women, but go ahead, step out of your comfort zone, and admit to someone that you need a heart-connected hug. If you know any children, then ask them for a hug (in a non-creepy way). I know frequently if I am in need of a hug I will ask my young nephews and they are totally willing to “bear hug” Aunt Addison! Children’s love can be so pure that sometimes this is exactly the type of energy you need. If those two ideas do not work, then reach out to a massage therapist and get some good focused attention. One of the best ways to keep your sexual energy up is to get a tantric bodywork session with myself or another practitioner. This allows for not only touch, but touch that stimulates sexual energy through practices we can help teach..

Keep your passions: Anything that keeps you engaged and passionate about life will also keep your sexual energy and overall passion alive. When we are focused on lack, then that is exactly what gets called into our lives. So if you are taking the time to engage in things you love and enjoy, then you are calling in just the right energy for a fun and playful sexual relationship.

Give yourself meditative time: This does not necessarily mean to sit cross-legged on the floor in silence for hours at a time. What I mean by meditative time is to take the time to breathe and really think about what you want out of your next sexual relationship. Think about where you are headed in your life and what your current desires are overall. Spend time manifesting that next wonderful sexual relationship.

For more tips and ideas to getting your sexual life back on track TODAY… book an appointment HERE.

The Intuitive Pussy

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My pussy speaks to me. It has a voice. At times in my life this voice has been almost inaudible while at other times it has been loud and robust. Years ago I worked very hard to silence this part of me that was connected on a soul level. The connection felt too much, too intense, and too open. Through my awakening to different sexuality practices I have reconnected with that primal area. However, despite any attempts to ever silence my pussy it continues to speak to me whether I am listening or not, and when I am not listening my pussy finds a way to make me pay attention! During these times of disconnection I feel lost and uncertain about my life and overall ungrounded-ness when not connected to my source energy. When I am connected I feel alive, I know where I am headed in life, I have energy, and every nuance of life is deeply felt and blissful.

The second chakra, otherwise known as the sacral chakra, which is located one or two inches below your naval, affects our creativity, sexuality, relationships, and pleasure, and impacts our level of grounded intuition. This is unsurprisingly also the area that is connected to our pussies as women.

Deep within all women is a treasure trove of power, light, and intuition, and one can find this treasure within our connection with our pussies. In Tantric teachings our yoni (tantric name for vagina) is seen as the “origin of life” and was honored and worshipped. Our yonis were seen as sacred and our juices/ejaculate, called Amrita which means “divine nectar,” were thought to hold healing powers. As women we are blessed with the sacred feminine energy that is connected to the universe.

In Naomi Wolf’s book “Vagina: A New Biography”, Wolfe explores the brain vagina connection and how the pussy is the cornerstone to our creativity and intimately connected with our souls.

“Female sexual pleasure, rightly understood, is not just about sexuality, or just about pleasure. It serves, also, as a medium of female self-knowledge and hopefulness; female creativity and courage; female focus and initiative; female bliss and transcendence; and as medium of a sensibility that feels very much like freedom. To understand the vagina properly is to realize that it is not only coextensive with the female brain, but is also, essentially, part of the female soul.
[…]
Once one understands what scientists at the most advanced laboratories and clinics around the world are confirming — that the vagina and the brain are essentially one network, or “one whole system,” as they tend to put it, and that the vagina mediates female confidence, creativity, and sense of transcendence — the answers to many of these seeming mysteries fall into place.”

Yet in today’s world we have distanced ourselves from this internal compass. This is the guide that tells us where our passion and energy lie and not simply in sex –it provides us with our desires for life. As I stated earlier, my pussy speaks to me whether I’m trying to listen or not. I have noticed that the less I am tuning into my pussy’s intuition the more I find myself with yeast infections, irritability, numbness, painful periods, etc. Although the more I listen to my pussy’s messages the more abundance and ease I find in my life.

So here are some ways to reconnect with your Intuitive Pussy:

  1. Take your hand, and cup your pussy, then take your other hand and place it on your chest. Breathe! Tune in and see what it has to say. Then keep tuning in and listening, because often these messages come in waves and take time to get past your embarrassment, shame, blocks, etc.
  2. Take time to look at her and really see the beauty in every little nuance. Play, caress, and spend time sending love your pussy.
  3. Try to take a few times throughout the day to really feel and be present with the sensations in the pussy. At work, at home, in the pews at church – it really doesn’t much matter where but make sure you are constantly checking in with yourself.
  4. Get a tantric bodywork session in order to release stored trauma and emotions. This will allow for energy to flow more freely and for a greater connection to build.
  5. When you find yourself in a situation where you get that gripping feeling in your sacral area and a clenching feeling in your pussy, make sure to stop and ask your pussy what it’s trying to say. Are you turned on, disgusted, scared, excited?? Pay close attention.
  6. Get into the practice of Orgasmic Meditation where you can learn to connect with your pussy, all the sensations, and also another person. Often as women we are so numb and disconnected that we need a structured practice to bring us back to ourselves.

You will be amazed as your pussy begins to speak to you and you can use it as a guidance system. This will help you in all areas of your life to make you a more energetic and connected woman.

 

All women deserve a strong connection to their pussy. Now that yours is beginning to share its voice, let me assist you in achieving that re-connection through a Tantric Bodywork Session. Email me today  at addisonbelltantra@gmail.com. Session slots fill very quickly and so get yours scheduled today. Or visit  www.addisonbell.net for more information on Tantric Bodywork sessions.