I’m stirred! Yep, I had a long conversation with a man that I’ve been dating last night… leaving me mind-blown.
A man that claims to be “super open-minded”?
I don’t get it..
I truly don’t understand…
I mean I’m a smart a** woman and so I get it from a conceptual level but can’t say I understand.
We sat bantering over jewelry. Me sharing that earrings are a daily staple for me and that they can add pizazz to even the most boring of outfits. Though I shared that I don’t like to wear a ton of rings unless they are one of the few that come from someone special and has meaning.
But if I choose to wear a ring I make sure it doesn’t even come close to representing a wedding ring… since I’m not married.
This promptly started a wedding ring conversation!
He said that he intended on wearing a wedding ring when he got married. Should I ever choose to get married, I shared, I would care less if my man ever wore a ring. Would not phase me in the least!
Actually it would have zero impact on me one way or the other! I truly wouldn’t care.
He sat there mouth agape!
Seriously I thought I was going to have to pick his jaw up off the floor and re-hinge it to his face.
Once he finally had reattached his jaw, he spent the next few minutes going on and on about how disrespectful it is to a marriage to not always wear your ring as a symbol and that he would never disrespect his wife by not wearing his ring. He stated he would be deeply, deeply hurt if his wife took off her ring and especially when out in public.
(Lol, red flags started a waving!! ????)
I mean this was a sign to all others that she/he was committed to only their partner. He then polled several people sitting next to him but specifically one woman sitting next to him at the bar…
She 100% agreed that she would be pissed if her groom-to-be ever took off his wedding ring. That he had woman “crawling all over him” and this is how she made sure they knew he was hers.
Now my jaw was on the floor! What?
You need to label your man/woman YOURS?
The conversation continued with them saying it had nothing to do with jealousy or trying to own someone.
I called BULLSHIT!!!
I brought up the point that they must have been into kink then since they were essentially collaring their partners finger. Lol, this didn’t go over real well.
My point not in that this was “wrong” but to get REAL and own that there was an owning thought process going on. A wanting to tell the world that this other person was OFF LIMITS!!!
It’s cool. Just OWN IT that this other person is going to be treated as you property!
But back to my share. Since I want to respect the fact that we all get to have our own ideals and thoughts. And live/ create our relationships the way we so choose as a two-some or more-some.
It’s not that I don’t get a wedding ring as a symbol of love. If I choose to get married I will wear a ring. But I sure as hell won’t have the feeling that I was breaking some vow by taking the damn thing off if I so choose…. YES, even out in public where men might talk with me or flirt with me.
?Do we need a symbol of our love to remind us?
?If you love someone that deeply do you really forget?
?How many of you that are married take time to daily stare lovingly at your wedding band and have it remind you that you love this other person?
I know these next statements are not true across the board but based on the (super official and standardized) polling that was conduct last night ?
And based off of the couples I have worked with over the years…
People can use their partners wedding ring as a way to deal with their insecurities.
In truth, it actually has nothing to do with rings!!!!
It has to do with trust in a relationship.
We don’t have trust enough in our partners to go out, live their lives, and then come back to us. We don’t truly believe their love enough and are in too much insecurity to let them simply go and be free.
Love is not holding someone hostage.
This is a lesson we ALL must learn.
I know it is a lesson that I’ve learned…over and over!
If you are truly in love with another then you need no symbol to remind you of this fact.
The engaged woman at the bars statement that she used his engagement ring to bat away at all the women hitting on him…. Really? So he’s not a strong enough man to hold himself in integrity?
I’m sorry but that does not bode well for a relationship.
A person should not feel FORCED to come back to your love when they are away from you. A person should desire to come back to your love.
They should desire it without any need of a symbol, chain, or cord. They should desire to come back to your love because they enjoy you…
Because you allow them the freedom and ability to grow and to be them.
Because you have that light about you that they are attracted too and desire
Because you truly do love them!
I’m not saying don’t wear a wedding ring!
What I’m saying is to think about why you do!
Why you want your partner to wear a ring!
And even more than that…
Do you truly trust and truly allow your partner to fly free?
Or do you demand some way to assuage your insecurities?
Interesting points that I know I will be pondering over!
Sending you all…
Love, Light, & Blessings,
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