When you realize Instagram is mirroring relationships…
Over a week ago my Instagram account was deactivated. All I received in notification was that supposedly somewhere/somehow I broke a community standard.
I have no idea and even in going about the process of trying to restore my account I have not been given a true understanding of what I have done to offend the Instagram kings.
Though in not knowing what I did… this makes it where when I get my account reactivated that I will inevitably be walking on social media eggshells trying to make assumptions. I will be trying to fix something that is unknown.
And it got me thinking about the overall message they were sending to people and the mirror to relationships.
The message was…
‘You did something wrong in my eyes but I won’t tell you what”
AND “I won’t tell you how to fix it or how to not do the same thing again”…. “That thing i’m not fully explaining that I’m mad about”
And if you, my followers, are like me…
(and since you’re a follower, you resonant at least a bit)
And possibly grew up in a household with these same mixed messages…
Or received them in school, sports, or religious education
If so then, maybe you see the same message in your past or current relationships…
You might agree that this is not just frustrating but an abusive style of communication in any relationship (even a relationship with Instagram).
Many people, self included, had to guess and intuit their way through their childhood. Trying to figure out the thing that would make their world not crash at their feet at the smallest statement, phrase or action.
Thus meaning many took this mental training into their adult relationships. Having to be on guard and guessing at all times as a protective mechanism. Or a learned behavior that we should expect others to mind-read our internal thoughts.
Where one person in the relationship is saying they are angry/furious/etc but not willing to actively communicate what they are upset about and have honest and open communication.
While the other either avoids things or asks for clarification but simply receives nothing or more anger. “You know what you did”, potentially despite their verbalization being unclear to the other party.
Yet, it is expected that the one person fixes their behaviors that they have no clarity around… this is the read my mind or intuit my boundaries element in many connections.
And this non-constructive and abusive mechanism is being used even in our social media systems.
We live in a world where we are supposed to read others minds.
While on the other hand we live in a world where we push people too “be themselves”, be more “selfish (as in self-filling)”, “don’t care what others think”. etc.
Yet the prevalent message that many receive mixed in is that, we are to be mind readers. That those old programs of constantly guessing at what our loved one’s want and need are required.
That we should just “know”.
I see this in my partnered client’s all the time.
A belief that because one person has a full understanding of their perspective that the other person should suddenly have that same clarity and understanding. That it means a lack of care, love, or connection if another person doesn’t read your mind.
These moments are usually easy to find when you think thoughts or say things such as…
“If s/he loved me then I wouldn’t have to explain”
“They know what they did…”
“I shouldn’t have to explain to you what I’m angry about”
These are an assumption that others inner frameworks are the same as ours. And on the opposite side the person refusing to explain is losing out on an opportunity to connect and open their minds outside of self.
If you are someone that consistently see’s this pattern over and over in your life…
Then what part of you hasn’t been healed and keeps manifesting this type of interaction again and again.
You can’t force someone to actually connect and work through things. You also need to look at what part of you thrives off of the abusive nature of this kind of relationship.
Doing your personal work to look at where this type of interaction is gripping an old part of self will allow you to release these old patterns and move forwards.
All relationships require both sides and open communication on the issues in the way that each can understand and process.
So, as I sit here wondering about what I did “wrong” around my Instagram account….
I ask you to look within and see where you fall in the spectrum of this type of interaction. Are you the person that looks down upon another for needing more clarity or are you the person jumping through hoops to try to understand?
Both sides are unhealthy and require healing.
But when that healing happens then it is amazing how fluid and flowing relationships of all varieties can become. You easily recognize when things need to be dealt with in a relationship and are more open to hearing and understanding another.
Don’t be like Instagram. Do your work!
Grab the Fire Within!
*Side note: After writing this article my Instagram was finally restored!!! @AddisonBellCoach
Get on Addison’s Waiting List for Coaching today and flame the fires of your life, love, and relationships.
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