The Starving Can’t Feed Themselves

What happens when you’ve gotten so hungry that you can’t feed yourself?

I was having a conversation with someone close to me the other day about my personal past in a severe eating disorder and also when I was an eating disorder therapist.

We got into the topic of the “refeeding process” which is actually a really dangerous and life-threatening time for someone.

Funny how as soon as someone starts getting fed they can be in the most danger of a heart attack or other severe physical ramification!

During the conversation, my mind kept flashing back to a much much younger me… paralyzed by fear and unable to put hand to mouth with food. Having others truly feeding me and then how my body would shortly after reject it because it was so incredibly foreign.

However, this other person persisted in telling me that at all point someone is capable of feeding themselves…

So this morning as several things present into my reality…

As I scroll through Facebook and see posts about being “independent”

Meme’s about how we have to love ourselves first before anyone else can love us

Article about how we are the only ones that will ever put ourselves first

How we have to be basically always feeding self

I ponder!

I believe that yes we have to be very focused on making sure we are feeding our own souls. I am a firm believer that you won’t ever find that true level of self-love and contentment if you are not feeding yourself. And being a pretty independent moving person I want to stubbornly stick my feet in the sand and say the this is all hard cold truth!!!

One must feed self.

But then I have this niggling piece of my mind that actually *face palm* disagrees.

Yes, part of me disagrees with all this “take care of self” propaganda that goes around.

95% of the time I think this is exactly true that we need to be feeding self and that we are the only ones that inevitably can fill our own cups.

However, if you are STARVING

For physical affection
For love
For connection
For sex
For the vital nutrients of life

And I mean truly starving…

Then sometimes someone else has to first step in and feed you a little. Someone has to see your deep need and potentially even hidden desire to be fed. And sometimes even this feeding process is painful…

Painful and uncomfortable… wanting to jump out of your very skin… ego screaming…


Sometimes we need our lover to throw us on the bed and tell us that it’s all about us that night

Sometimes we need someone to just hold us physically and not let us go as we scream and cry and yes even learn to drop-in

Sometimes we need someone to not give up on us and not allow us to give up on ourselves

Will this fully fill us…NO

Can someone continue to fill our cup…NO

Is it anyone’s responsibility to take care of us…NO

Is it our job as humans to send out love into the world?
Is it important to sometimes be in the giver role?
Is it important to sometimes learn to receive?

There are times in our lives when we do NEED
And it’s okay to have needs.

There are times when although we can’t have someone constantly filling us that an earth angel stepping in and providing a little nourishment can jump start another soul to begin feeding themselves.

If we are only ever feeding ourselves then we do miss some beautiful lessons on receiving, being loved, and surrendering.

So should we be feeding ourselves, nourishing ourselves, and stepping into our own expansion?


But let’s not forget that sometimes we do need others to guide us or assist us in the feeding process until we’ve gathered some strength.

That some of our strongest moments are when we are vulnerable and ask for help.

Go kick ass!
Go be a badass!
Go take care of self!

But be open to being taken care of too!

Sending you all…

Love, Light, & Blessings,

Feeling underwhelmed with life?
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You can truly live a life you LOVE!
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