Dating a woman in this day and age is not an easy task!
Generations of women raised in the 70’s, 80’s, 90’s, and 00’s were raised to be “independent women”!
Raised that we don’t need a man and should be able to do it all by ourselves. That loving self is enough and a relationship does not define us. Our careers are just as important and we should be at the top of our game in all areas.
Well, now we have many women the are just that… independent to the point that the dating game of old has changed and changed massively.
I often sit with my male clients and they will share how they desire a relationship but are struggling to find the right woman. I will hear comments such as…
“I really like her. She will tell me she’s enjoying the relationship but yet feels distant”
“I don’t understand why she doesn’t let me do things for her. It’s like she doesn’t want me”
“I think she is dating someone else too but I’m afraid to ask”
“She doesn’t seem to really open up in the bedroom with me. The sex is amazing but I feel she’s holding back”
So men… let me lend you a hand!
If your woman is not currently married or coming out of a marriage/long-term partnership. Then the truth is she is most likely used to doing anything and everything by herself. Meaning she has to be the man and the woman in her own life but often what ends up happening is that the masculine will take over.
Out society does not encourage the feminine energy in its flow, in its fierceness, in its emotions. Put that on top of many women working in careers that put us in masculine energy and you are left with a single woman that has some hurdles to jump to lean into her feminine.
Which in turn means that you as a conscious man need to also understand how you can assist or actually detract from this process.
Now before I get into this I want to make it very clear that I am NOT putting all the work on the man here. This is an equal process for both sides! Also, men are just as wounded and needing of different elements and so before you get your ego in a bunch… we are just focusing on the women today 🙂
1) She is used to doing all the tasks herself. Lifting the heavy water bottles up 2 flights of stairs. Checking to make sure all the bills are paid, schedule is in order, and house repairs gets done. So when you offer to help her the first few times and she says that she’s “got it”.
Know that she probably does have it in that moment but you can still let her know that you are there to help if she needs. Don’t stop asking if she desires help in the future because you got turned down once. It is also a great thing to point out because it might simply be a pattern of not accepting help. One that she simply doesn’t notice.
2) As much as there is a stereotype of women being “needy”, the truth is that in today’s dating world women are finding men becoming the needy one’s. Your woman is probably juggling a million things and so if you get upset that she is not answering your messages immediately then you are going to drive her away. She is probably managing enough and so doesn’t want to have to manage you.
Being able to show your new woman that you can hold space for her while she is out living her life is going to help her to be more at ease with you when you are connecting. There is a way to be connective and yet give her the space she needs to run her world. If you are being needy and insecure at the dating phase then how is she ever able to trust in allowing herself to fully drop into her feminine and be “held”.
Though on that same line, it is going to be important that you spend some truly connective time together without your cell phones and also with longer spans of time. If all you give your new lady is 30mins here, a lunch date there, and an occasional date night every few weeks, then she is going to have a very hard time truly stepping into trust and security with you and her feminine around you.
3) Your single woman has probably had her heart broken many times. Has probably learned at some point to close off elements of self and based on statistic… you can just assume had some bad sexual experiences.
So if you expect her to jump into a relationship or even just the bedroom with abandon then you are most likely going to be disappointed. Give her time to ease into the relationship. To fully relax in, get a feel, and find trust. In order for her to open in the bedroom she has to trust you and that simply takes time. It is you continuing to show up and let her know that you have a desire to get to know her at a deeper level but not pushing.
4) Slow the commitment roll!!!! If she is a smart single woman then YES she is dating more than just you still after the first date or two. She knows there are tons of fish in the sea and needs to make sure that she is exploring those other fish if she is to find the right one. But even more than that allowing herself to explore herself internally with each new man. So if you desire commitment then a conversation must be had.
Also, if she is running her own life consistently then she is used to thinking things through in order to make the right choice. Meaning commitment is going to be slower than you potentially would like AND the same goes for the full opening of her heart.
Steadiness and the ability to hold space is essential in today’s dating world and something that the single woman is craving. Finding a man that knows how to affirm the beauty of her feminine sides and allow her really to dance in this essence is priceless.
You as a man can remind her of her beauty (not necessarily physical) to allow her opening. You as a man can continue to present the opportunity to hold space and lean into a state of receiving. You as a man can tease her, be playful, and bring out her sexual without being pushy.
These are all things that will help you in your dating of the single woman in today’s world.
Wishing you are beauty and connection in your dating and relationships!
Love, Light, & Blessings!