I get it! You wanted to find your soul mate. You wanted someone you could grow old with, someone that you could quickly pin down in your “happily ever after” fantasy. The problem is that my heart and soul are too wild and free to be caged by you.
I spent the first part of my life trying to fit the stereotype of the perfect girl. I took my wild, expansive heart and shoved it in a box where it couldn’t be hurt. I allowed people to “own” me, subdue me, and steal pieces of me without fighting back. I didn’t believe I was worth the fight.
However, when a powerful soul wants to be heard, it will not be quieted…even by its owner. So after a long period in hibernation, my heart and soul are on fire. I am just getting to know who I am beyond the constant noise of the critics and those who try to tell me my dreams are silly and frivolous. I am learning to enjoy and love my relationship with myself. So NO, I am not going to give up my relationship with myself for a relationship with you!
A few dates, my dear man, do not mean that I am going to give up my freedom. Yes, I wanted to continue to see you because you were nice. AND yes, I still wanted to continue to see my other lovers because they are lovely and yummy too. No, that does not make me a whore. No, that does not make me afraid of commitment. It makes me committed to myself and my real desires—my desire to explore and find out what I like, my desire to feel different energies and allow my heart to be captivated in a million different ways, and mostly my desire to no longer put myself in a box.
I did not lie to you when we met, and I placed all of my cards on the table. I wanted to explore different relationships, but I still do not know what type of relationship lifestyle I want to ultimately live. Mono, Poly, Open—they are all still on the table in my eyes. The problem was that you thought you knew better; you thought you would sweep me off my feet and I would forget about my “silly meanderings.” You thought you were all I could ever need in a man. You thought that I still believed in childhood fairytales, and you thought you could tame my wild spirit. You were wrong!
A good relationship has room for both parties to grow, and no one should ever feel caged in. I should feel loved and supported in a relationship, but I should also feel free to grow. However, it appears my freedom is a cage to you, and so I am letting you go in order for both of us to find what sets our souls on fire. I don’t know what that will be for you, but I know that my wild and expansive heart will never be content being tamed!
