Our relationship broke up because of TV!
A month or so ago, I was dating a man that on the outset looked like it could be aligned. I started making big plans with in my head. In the beginning he was kind, sweet, and all his stories painted him out to be a very giving man. He would prop himself up on how considerate he was of his partners both in and out of the bedroom.
Prior to jumping deeper into the relationship he seemed to be offering everything my heart was needing at the time… Love, stability, laughter, good sex, and commitment.
He spoke about how he adored giving in the bedroom and how he loved deep connection outside of the bedroom. I can be a very giving person and so I felt this was an amazing fit.
So when we got into the bedroom the first time I was surprised when he glossed over quite a few steps but I believed it was simply because of the heat of the moment.
A few times in and I realized we were developing a pattern. He wanted me to be happy but was unwilling to do the actual work to make that happen and to open me up mind, body, and soul.
He wanted the results but didn’t want to dedicate the time.
Though… I strongly believe that relationships can work through sexual differences! Some communication and discussion about needs and desires and I believed we could overcome this hurdle. He had never explore tantra or come across women that demanded more of their sex and so I understood that I was stretching him beyond his knowledge base.
So we continued on…
As we went on, I started to see self-centered behaviors popping up frequently elsewhere and a lack of engaging in the topics and conversations that I found interesting.
No inquiry. No effort. And a closed mind.
Yet, he stuck to the fact that he was a ” compassionate & giving man” because he was making effort in grand ways such a dinners out, vacations, & making time
(even if it wasn’t quality time)
Then came the TV…
the true downfall of our relationship funnily enough.
It seems silly but we had multiple occasions where he wanted to hang out and watch TV. Generally I don’t watch TV but also am okay snuggling up every once in awhile.
But instead of trying to find something we both wanted to watch…
He chose what made him happy. I shared with him my preferences for certain kinds of shows/movies and yet we continued to watch what he desired.
Then once day, a movie had come out that I noted wanting to watch and it was a movie that I thought would spur some connective conversation.
Well.. he refused.
And therefore The TV finally broke us up!
Because this one move showed that despite his verbalization of giving… he only wanted to receive. He wanted me happy but wasn’t willing to put any energy towards feeding me.
He didn’t want a partnership but just someone beside him as he did all the things he wanted.
His reaction to tv was representative of his lack of interest in my dreams, goals, desires in other areas of my life. He was willing to give as long as it did not require him to be uncomfortable or put in any effort. Unwilling to open up his mind to things outside of his comfort zone.
Wanted amazing sex but didn’t want to take time
Wanted joyous moments but didn’t want to listen to my needs
Wanted a partnership but didn’t want to do anything he didn’t like
So why share this?
Reason #1 – If you think you are a giving person in relationships… make sure your actions are living up to what you are speaking. Are you simply hiding behind those labels to make you feel better about yourself or are you listening to what the receiver needs?
Are you only giving when it makes you comfortable? Or are you wanting to connect with your partner where they need connection?
Relationships are give and take.
Reason #2- Little things show us the truth of our relationships!
How we sex is how we do everything!
The bedroom is incredibly important but so are all the other aspects of the relationship. Your willingness to watch a tv show, help with the daily responsibilities, take times to connect, or simply follow through on a request…. says SO MUCH about your investment in the connection!!!
When we eventually broke up he seemed surprised.
Reason #3- Communication isn’t always verbal. We are constantly communicating with those in our lives but especially with our romantic partners. Not all things in a relationship need to be concretely stated and we do need to learn to listen to patterns, nuances, and the energy of a relationship. While we should never expect others to read our minds or assume what another is thinking/feeling… it is an important aspect to pay attention to, in order to gain a full picture of our partner.
In my practice as a sex & relationship coach, sex at times can break up a relationship but the struggle can usually be found in so many other areas. If you are selfish in the bedroom then you are selfish other places as well. If you are not tuning into your partners energy in life then you will struggle with tune into that same energy when it comes to physical intimacy.
Today I challenge you to look at the aspects of your relationship that you are currently struggling with and where those same issues can be found in other areas. Many times the core of an issue spiders outwards to impact the entirely of a connection.
One of the most helpful things to do if you care about a relationship is to look at where the core of the breakdown is happening and not get so focused on the overarching menial behaviors.
It wasn’t truly the TV that broke me and my ex-partner up but instead a difference in our goals and values in relationships.
Love, Light, & Blessings,
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