I sit here today… unprocessed.
My heart is suddenly skipping beats and changing rhythms
My stomach is gurgling and doing it’s thing
My temperature is going from hot to cold
A few days into the week and I have had some beautiful healing opportunities. Some that were so very fun, playful, and much needed food for the soul. While others were more challenging in how they chose to flow into my consciousness.
There has been massive laughter
There has been massive streaming of tears
My emotions have gone from one zone to another and back again.
Stewing in joy, playfulness, desire, sadness, nostalgia, insecurity and a heavy amount of shame.
I’m fully in the space of process land!
I awoke in the wee-hours of the morning today to a strong pull to get out of bed and do 2hrs of journaling. Letting my thoughts fly. Letting memories swirl in and out. Letting my desires call to me. Letting the shadow have it’s voice.
I wanted to write this article today about the things I was processing. I wanted to expand out into all my lessons.
But if I’m honest…
They are half-baked!
Half-baked lessons and level of consciousness from half-baked processing.
As, I am a Virgo, my personality always wanted a clear cut direct answer and wants to avoid all the messiness of the inner swirling.
I want this shit done and processed.
Want to rush through and be on the other side.
Though, I am very aware that if I don’t take the time to really process all the emotions and aspects arising…
I will simply re-ingrain them into my mind, body, and energy.
All the stirring of energy, the journaling, the tears, and turmoil will have been for nothing.
So I sit in the energies. Wherever they are in the moment.
Not diving into the negative stream and latching on but also not forcing into another mode. Seeing what is flowing in and welcoming it to flow through.
Why bring this to you today?
Why sit here and tell you about my half-baked processing and about the article I didn’t write?
Because half-baked processing is a thing!
I see it in my 1:1 client’s and in those that attend my workshops and events. People telling me that they have processed something and yet it is clearly still raw and real.
They will tell me about all the journaling and exercises they’ve done and all the books they have dove into.
They find themselves frustrated at the lack of change in a short period of time and how they’ve “done their work”. Asking why they are still doing/feeling the uproar.
Continuing to do the same work over and over again without any up-leveling to where you are processing from and never at a deeper level.
Yet this is because of a lack of fully surrendering to the actual process. Pushing through too fast. Not taking the time needed to shift the pieces and see where they land. Or trying to process only from an intellectual level. Giving space where space is needed.
When we are at the beginning of a deep process our feelings, mind, and emotions are all stirred up. It is difficult to find our truth and the lessons when we are still shaken up and nothing has had a chance to settle. And then it takes a true settling process and continuing to breathe into this space in order to finish baking our processing.
Often this is where we steal from ourselves. We go from stirred up to forced settling. We cut the process short. Thinking we should be through something faster or that going through the motions without a deeper processing will fix it.
Can we move through some difficult things quickly?
If we fully lean in and open.
If we have a practice of being a witness of our feelings/thoughts/energies.
This can speed up the process of the processing ?
But that doesn’t mean that the dust is settled or all our lessons have been found in a short amount of time.
It’s about continuing to be a witness and open to whatever comes into your consciousness. Allowing yourself to have the feelings/thoughts/emotions and knowing they are all part of the puzzle. Then also implementing the new actions in order to finish out that process. Not getting lazy at the end.
Though processing things doesn’t mean that you sit down in the muck and decided to make a nice cozy home.
It’s just an acknowledgment of shifting and it’s taking the consistent time/energy to do the things to move us through and into a more authentic place.
So, today I share my half-baked process because it is a part of life. We are always transforming and in a process. Though when we open up and don’t force it then it runs smoother, while allowing us to get the full benefit.
Look at where you might be in a major process in your own life internally. Where are you pushing too fast or making home in the muck?
As for me…
I don’t want to have to keep re-processing at the same level and so I’m committed to letting my process take me where it needs to lead.
Love, Light, & Blessings,