I had a lover tell me once years ago when I was having a low period in my sex…
That all I needed was to let him blindfold me…. tie me up… open the door to a hotel room… and let as many random guys as he deemed fit come in and use my body.
THIS was supposedly what was going to fix me!
THIS was his answer to fixing the fact that I wasn’t feeling connected to my body.
THIS was how I was meant to move through energetic blockages.
I remember thinking… WTF?? That does not sound like an experience that at that moment would have reconnected me to my body. Honestly, his statement to me in the moment shared so much.
Though the interesting thing was not that it was…
“I would like to see this” or “this is my fantasy”
No, it was stated that this is what I NEEDED…
And I could tell you several other scenarios from that lover and others where I’ve had men telling me what my body NEEDS…
And usually, it’s not…
“You need a good massage, some really deep cuddling, and then need me to explore your body. Allowing you to ride the orgasmic waves for hours”
I bring this up because I awoke this morning, like many mornings, and read several messages from complete strangers telling me what I NEEDED sexually.
Apparently at least a small part of the male population on my feed believes that….
*I’ve never had a “real man”
*I NEED to have a threesome… with them included
*I need to just have more sex… and with them
*That I need a more fulfilling c*ck
*That I need to be f*cked up the a*s
*That I need to be held down and forced to take it
Yeah….
All of these are crazy! Some are just egotistical and them placing their desire off on me. The others are just entering the land of scary.
Now, I do not believe all men are walking around sending the above types of messages or even saying things like my ex-lover?
I am blessed to know many beautiful conscious men. And I know many men that would adore ravishing their woman as she slowly opens and heals. I’ve seen it. I’ve experienced it. And I know some of you reading this are those types of men.
Though I ask you to think because even a conscious man (or woman) has their moments.
Have you ever told your woman?…
“You just need to relax”
“You just need to get into it more”
“You just need to have more sex with me”
“You just need to get a toy/this new kink/adventure”
Many men end up walking this land of ego by telling their partners what they need in the bedroom without even realizing they are doing it.
Oftentimes these can also be times where a man is mirroring his fantasies on the woman. Telling her that she needs something that in truth he just desires.
I believe that the average man, due to the difference in how the genders experience sex, thinks that just having more or different sex will solve many sexual problems.
Men are also often fixers in a relationship. They hear their woman is having a problem and so they try to fix it. They try to fix it by telling the woman what she NEEDS…
How dishonoring!!!
How Ego-Based!!!
How very Unconscious!!!
In truth when it comes to sex a woman is the only one that will know what she needs to do to step deeper into her sex. Now if she is struggling then she might need to explore….
But usually female sexual exploration is to go within and tune into the sexual energies within our own being. To maybe try new things but not go diving off the sexual cliffs.
I have had my fair share of times when I was younger where I thought and believed partners when they told me I just needed this or that. Each and every time I listened to them about what my very own body needed… I was very sorry. It would end at best with me just more frustrated with self OR at times with extra layers of trauma to unload.
So when I get up and read messages telling me what I NEED I feel the need to share…
#1 – Pissed off and triggered. I could lie and say it has no impact but that’s not true. I get irritated by the audacity of people that only know me from videos and my writings.
#2- Saddened by the ego and also the women that I know (because I work with some of them) that think their man knows their body more than them
#3 – Wanting to encourage EVERYONE… yes, EVERYONE to look at where you are placing your own egoic needs, desires, and fantasies onto others. Not simply in the sexual realm but on all fronts. Where are you thinking you know better than someone’s very own soul and spirit?
Is that person asking for guidance and suggestions? If yes then give them from a place of understanding that at the end of the day they will know best what is aligned. If no, then why the heck are you putting your nose in someone else’s business?
And as a side note to the men that like to send me messages telling me what I need sexually. F-OFF!!!
Even if I was in a place where I was struggling with my sex or desiring the things you share. YOU, my dear men, would not be my choice to go to, to receive these pleasures because I only date conscious men…
and when you TELL me what I need you drive a further wedge between yourself and your divine masculine conscious state.
Blessings!
Addison
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