I would never suggest anyone to ever watch or read the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy. There are a million things wrong with these stories from a sexual education and from a healthy relationship perspective that makes me want to cringe. That being said, there is a reason that this storyline has captivated millions. Out of all the erotic stories that are published each year, this particular story was able to break through the sexual stigma of our society to open up many women to different types of play and their own arousal. Why? What happens in these books that some women have found engrossing? Ask a woman that knows these stories and each will answer differently, but a common theme includes the male character, Christian Grey.

I think there are things Christian Grey does in these stories that men need to take note of… the things that have THEIR WOMEN aroused and intrigued. The pieces that actually have nothing to directly do with the BDSM, the money, or the physique of the millionaire man captured in these tales. Things that a man could use tonight to get their woman into an orgasmic state.

Warm your woman up: In the books, there is not one scene where the female character, Anastasia (Ana), isn’t thoroughly aroused prior to having sex. Christian Grey spends a great deal of time talking to Ana and making sure she is in a state of arousal before penetrating her. He shares his delight in her body, gets her into a state of anticipation before touching her, and talks to her throughout sexing. Now in the books, Ana seems to live in a state of arousal, making it easier on Christian, but nevertheless she is aroused when they have sex. Often times, she is begging to be penetrated and thus is able to jump into deeper level orgasms.

Sadly, this is NOT the case in most sexual scenarios in our world today. We are rushing, and thus do not take the time to warm up a woman’s heart, mind, and pussy before sex. It takes a woman 20-40 minutes before she is ready for any penetration. So slow down and seduce your woman’s heart and mind before you touch her.

Tease/Play: Christian Grey is a huge tease throughout the books and is always making light physical contact with Ana. This is similar, yet different from the above point of warming her up prior to sex. Making sure you take the time to touch her body in a teasing way to begin to get the orgasmic energy moving is vital to female orgasm. However, don’t just tease her in the bedroom, but tease her outside the bedroom with kisses, touches, and caresses. Another aspect that can’t be forgotten is that Christian Grey begins to become playful throughout the series and will verbally tease and play with Ana, allowing her to drop deeper into her body and ‘let go.” If you want your woman to surrender to her feminine nature and thus her orgasm, then this playful teasing not only will connect you in relationship terms, but will also contribute to a heart connection that a woman needs in the bedroom.

Go Down on Her!: So, let me tell you that going down on a woman can be one of the most orgasmic and heart-expanding experiences she can have in sexing and Christian Grey knew this… do you? I hear a woman complaining all the time about how their man expects to receive a blowjob but does not put the same focus on reciprocating in this fashion. Also, going down for a minute or two is not going to do much of anything for a woman. Slow the heck down and take time to devour her entire vulva and begin some light finger penetration. Cunnilingus can be a very connective and rewarding practice for couples because of the level of vulnerability and openness that is required. Simply, be like Christian Grey and go exploring your woman’s genitals!

Staying in the Masculine/Leading: One of the most powerful elements that Christian Grey uses to get the girl is to be in his masculine and leading. A divine feminine wants to be led, energetically held, and allowed to surrender herself into her pure divine energy. A divine feminine needs to trust her partner’s masculine and his ability to lead her and support her; otherwise, she will stay too much in alignment with her own masculine energy, which will impact sexing for both parties.

How do you do this? Well, getting in touch with your divine masculine can be a process for a man, but a good start is to find purpose in your actions, make decisions in the relationship, don’t run when she is in her emotions, and simply do things like opening doors and physically leading her as well. Take initiative in and out of the bedroom.

Look at your Woman with Awe: In the books and movies, Christian looks at Ana with complete awe! He notices her intricacies and the beauty that is within her that she has yet to find within herself. All women want to have a man that looks at her with wonderment and revels in her beauty seen and unseen. Women read these books, watch these movies, and try to fill themselves with what they are not receiving in their daily lives.

Stop, and really look at your woman. Feel her physically, and more importantly, emotionally. Let her know you see her. She might just orgasm on the spot! Women want to be cherished and acknowledged for their inherent beauty beyond just the physical. Slow down and adore her and you will be giving her one of the best gifts in the world.

Respect her limits: A pattern of many guys is a continual pushing past a woman’s boundaries. I know you might be sitting there and thinking that you have not ever done this, but the truth is most men have done this in small ways. One of the turn-on’s to Christian Grey is that he asks Ana her boundaries in the bedroom and they have frank conversations when he desires to push one of her boundaries in the bedroom. He listens to her safe word and at no point continues to push forward if that word leaves her lips. Unfortunately, I cannot say the same for many men. This one is simple… show her you are worthy of trust by setting up boundaries and then not steamrolling right over them and not always pushing for more.

Add some thrill: Christian Grey knew how to bring some excitement into the bedroom. Not every woman is going to want to engage in BDSM, but adding some newness to sexing is a huge turn-on if done right. Introduce new scents, a blindfold, ice cubes, or even just having sex in a location that is not your bedroom into the mix. Now, don’t jump off the cliff and start somewhere extreme because this might have the opposite effect, but little additions can be fun and keep things spicy. Even just surprising her with a date night or flowers can release the orgasmic energy in a woman. Remember, we need to first and foremost make love to her heart before her pussy.

Your woman chose you for a reason, not Christian Grey. So with a little bit of attention, love, and connection, you can add an incredible amount of intimacy to your life.