I stand there…
Back again at the scene of the crime.
Where it happened.
Where I left a piece of me behind within the hands of others.
Where more than just my body was violated.
My mind was violated.
My safety was violated.
My truth and desire were ignored
And where I lost a piece of my soul.
Which I am here to regain.
I stand there breathing in the air and the scene
Standing in the clothes I wore all those years ago.
Both me and that young girl all at the same time.
Breathing in the intense energy of this place
Breathing in the swirling of energies within myself.
Replaying scenes of the rape in my mind and jumping between that disgust and then..
Checking in with my body in the current moment and feeling a massive mind-f*ck of sexual turn-on just below the surface as I release these old energies.
I feel the shame of misplaced sexual arousal
I feel the compassion towards self knowing it is a breaking down of past barriers and blocks.
I later stand before a fire as I set fire to the past.
I feel the demons of old energies grasping to remain.
But the voice of another walking with me through this journey penetrates my psyche.
“What is the lesson”
Yes, what is the lesson of rape?
Because it does have a lesson. In truth, it teaches a great many spiritual lessons.
And in avoiding the event… stuffing it down.
Pretending it didn’t mean anything.
Thinking I should have “known better”
Attempt to rush through the healing…
It buried the lesson.
It constricted and contracted energies within.
I lost a piece of my sexual fire and passion
I lost a piece of my trust in my fellow humans
It disconnected me from my soul.
But standing there again…
Sitting amongst the energies
Allowing my feet to melt into the same places they once were and re-walk through the trauma.
I had a shield.
I had a knowledge of the blessing as well as the pain.
Yes, the blessing because just like rape has a lesson it also has a blessing. There is a gift that comes with it that is often not seen in that moment.
Though whether it be rape, a loss of a person, relationship heartbreak, etc.
When most go through pain and turmoil… they disconnect.
They either jump into the pain and the ego to a point that they get lost… losing the blessing and losing the joy of life. Making a choice to focus on the negatives which start an avalanche of a spiral downwards.
Or they shut down their hearts and ignore…. pretend. Diminish what has happened.
Moving along but still leaving a piece behind.
There is instead a middle ground.
Feeling the feelings. Loving them for the messengers they are but not wrapping yourself into them to the point where they smother you alive.
Acknowledging the lesson and yet acknowledging the humanness….
Not running from the pain but seeing where the pain is being held in your body… and releasing it.
And coming back over and over again.
I hear often people sharing with me the phrase…
“But I thought I was over it!”
And then blaming themselves for simply FEELING
Being human.
Just because something in our lives reemerges does not mean you didn’t do a good enough job healing it the first time…
Sometimes we need to heal things at a new level and perspective and an event will come back up to reteach us a lesson.
So while I stood there watching clothes burn…
Tears streaming down my face
Feeling all the feels.
I acknowledged that my spirit and body was ready to release at a new level. Was ready to open me back up to the wave of sexual energy that followed this experience.
And was there to serve as a lesson and a blessing in my life.
You can feel your pain
You can acknowledge your contrast
You can also still feeling the lesson and take ownership of what you need to take ownership over.
And you are allowed to step back into life and feeling good.
Your pain is not a prison.
It’s a messenger!
🔥Grab the Fire Within 🔥
Addison
Get on Addison’s Waiting List for Coaching today and flame the fires of your life, love, and relationships.
Apply here: www.addisonbell.net/contact
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There is something so powerful and moving about allowing yourself to sit in all your nakedness and feel your power while you at the same time witnessing another in their nakedness.
Nakedness is first and foremost an inner game.
Until we are able and willing to love ourselves as we strip ourselves down to our core…
See our light and our dark
Recognize our wounds and holdbacks
Allow ourselves to own our own power
Until we do these things with self we can never be truly naked with another person. True nakedness comes from true vulnerability and authenticity.
My question to you today is if you are ready to join this rare few?
https://addisonbell.net/naked-in-every-way-coaching
Thank you to DandelionImages for this beautiful photo!
