The other day I sat with a new friend. She was shocked as I told her stories about myself a few years back. When I was still opening up to myself and the world around me.
I share the stories from my heart space but she could only see the woman before her that has built confidence, sexual assuredness, self-love, and an abundant life.
She doesn’t truly see that old girl. The one that just simply wanted to be loved and hated herself to a degree that words can’t ever explain. She doesn’t see the girl that felt massive wonderment at opening and expanding intp the scary world of deeper sexuality. The one that tried things that were a little too much for her at the time and the girl that was so scared to be ravished.
She doesn’t see the parts of “that girl” that still live in me.
Yes… the insecure, the desiring, the fearful girl that lives deep within. The one that I must see, feel and touch into every once in a while and throw some breadcrumbs.
The fearful girl.
The self-destructive girl.
The traumatized girl.
The wild girl.
The shy/quiet girl.
And so many others. Many pieces of me!
The pieces that get stirred and triggered. The pieces that have been healed but not forgotten.
We forget about these aspects of self and we don’t see how we are like Russian nesting dolls. Building on our former self… over and over.
No matter if we do the inner work or not… these younger selves will and do impact us on a daily level. It is from where our foundations have been built.
The difference between healed and unhealed is that one allows us to witness and love these parts. Seeing and feeling all the lessons that we’ve gained from those younger selves. We take care of and share these aspects.
The unhealed… well this is when our younger selves come up and we confuse it with the us of today. We don’t see how our reactions are based off of our foundational pieces. And the foundation cracks and earthquakes of self are often present. We hate, disregard, and block instead of love. And we hide these parts from others in our lives.
Guess what? It’s better to see and own these older selves than have them come up and sabotage our lives. To own their power and strength.
Because the girl Addison that was massively self-destructive was also passionate about wanting to feel better at any cost. She was resilient (not healthy but resilient) about finding ways to deal with her emotions and move forwards with her life. She was a huge dreamer.
So when the feeling of being self-destructive comes up in me now… I see the passion and power that is right behind that emotion.
But we must first see and own our own pieces before we can share them with others.
And even once we share them… no one else will ever be able to fully grasp those aspects.
Though in a healthy and vibrant growing relationship…we try. We desire to know more and feel more of another. We want to know when their other pieces get triggered.
But in most relationships… we only desire to see the parts that meet our needs. We struggle to handle the messy and sometimes dark pieces of another. We have our own insecurities rise when another pieces stir our own pieces. Getting jealousy, needy, resentful, etc.
We are never dealing with one person in a relationship. We are dealing with thousands of other people that have become before the person you see before you. And every day you are with and experiencing a new person.
So when we put someone on a pedastal
When we think we “know them”
When we stop inquiring
When we stop acknowledging the ever changing us.
This is when we get into hot water within self and within a relationship. This is where we become inauthentic and start throwing up masks.
It’s about taking the time to connect with the pieces of you and the pieces of another. Its about the fun and adventure of diving deep and seeing all the layers.
Unveiling ourselves like the Russian nesting doll!
To be more us and more vibrant.
Light, Love, & Blessings,
Addison
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Wanting to start your year on a positive foot?
Embracing your beautiful energy and connecting with others?
Desiring to learn a truly connecting life?
Reach out for 1:1 coaching, online course, and training at
https://addisonbell.net/contact/
Or join me on Feb 11th for Lover’s Toga Party in DFW!
Fun Couples event for Valentines Week!
https://addisonbell.net/event/lovers-toga-party/
