Relationships aren’t meant to be easy.
I’ve seen it time and again, some speaker, leader, or coach stating that a relationship that is hard means that it’s toxic or should be thrown away.
That is a lie that we’ve been served about all kinds of relationships. The idea that if it isn’t easy then there is something “wrong”. When in truth the most aligned and loving relationships have very hard times and aren’t not even close to easy.
If a relationship always feels easy, never has disagreements, never gets frustrating, then it also most likely means that you have two people not fully embodying themselves and their ideas. It often means one or both parties don’t feel comfortable being fully transparent with the other person and many times there is an avoidance of the more challenging issues.
Now the reverse isn’t necessarily healthy either! A relationship that is always hard is also most likely not aligned and can be very unhealthy. Constant fighting means that they aren’t connecting at a deeper level and are most likely bouncing off of each others triggers and traumas.
A truly healthy relationship has both ease and difficulty and usually these times come in waves as we dive deeper and deeper into our loved ones. If there are never moments of laughter, joy and ease then that relationship will lack the ability to withstand growth and joy. If there are never difficult moments where both parties dig their heels into the commitment of the relationship despite turbulence then the relationship will not be able to withstand the difficulties of life and change.
An ebb and flow of a relationship is healthy!
The idea that “hard” is bad in relationship and should be avoided will leave you jumping people throughout your lifetime and ultimately running from yourself and those aspects that are triggered by others.
Stop looking for ease in your relationships if you want real long-lasting connections.
Instead look for love of another, shared values, commitment, willingness to stay with you in the difficulty, and a person that is able to step into a space of joy.
Let’s stop cancelling relationships the moment they get challenging!