“I give myself permission to be seen, loved, and celebrated”…
I write these very words out in my journal this morning and I suddenly have a feeling of wanting to be sick.
Why?
Because this is a claiming.
It is claiming that despite all the ways that I am vulnerable and authentic… there is a deeper level.
Despite appearing to allow myself to be loved… there is definitely still much deeper levels.
And if I’m honest with self… I really do need to give myself permission to celebrate self and let other’s celebrate me as well.
My fear starts to rise as I think of being naked in a new way. Letting my light shine even brighter and more than that letting others play with that light. And it will be me giving permission for this opening and releasing.
?(My face)
The other reason I feel slightly sick to my stomach is as I write the words out I have a picture of my next level of being “seen” looks like.
It’s something that is going to piss MANY MANY people close to me off. It is going to potentially have backlash for my family and my friends.
Yet, it is authentic. It is me claiming me. It is me being seen at the next level from where I am currently am at…
AND
It is scary AF!
And even as I write this I know I’m going to step in…
I know I’m going to go make a stand that might seem silly and trivial to others but has potential to rock my world a bit. And blow it up in beautiful and challenging ways!
I’ve known this was coming. I’ve felt it for awhile.
You can’t want to be seen, loved, and celebrated and still stay partially in the shadows. This doesn’t work!
I knew the moment I started my business years ago that this day would come. That I could not have what I wanted and eventually not make this leap.
As I was journaling this out this morning my ego wanted to fight with me….
“You do let yourself be seen! Look at (fill in with B.S. excuses)”
“You allow love. And I mean think about last time you opened up your heart. We both know how that turned out”
“Celebrated??? Really girl? Pshh!”
“We don’t HAVE to go there. Really quite unnecessary!”
Yes, welcome to Addison’s Ego! Just after taking an internal stance that I know WILL be happening…my ego kicks, screams, and has a fit.
Though this isn’t about my ego today. I see it, I hear it, and truth be told I don’t care!
This IS about how easily we can convince ourselves that we are being authentic, being vulnerable, and stepping into our lives and yet still falling short of our souls.
I’m not talking about those times when you are completely and utterly lying to self! And you know it. It’s right in your face. That’s just ignoring your sh*t!
I’m talking about the little tweaks. The things and steps you were taking at one point that were truly authentic, truly vulnerable, and truly stepping out of comfort zone…. but no longer are good enough.
When you realize that the level and depth you have been playing at is no longer good enough. It’s not taking away the work that you have done or are doing but is telling you that there is MORE!
You know the more I’m taking about…
For you it might not be being seen, loved, and celebrated…
But you know that next level and area that you need to give yourself permission to dive into.
You know that area or message that keeps coming through your brain late at night or during meditation. Those inspired moments and callings from your soul that you continue to push aside.
Yes, THAT!
It is the end of the year and you can step into that or choose to stay smack dab right where you are…wanting, desiring, wondering why nothing is changing!
Actually even more than stepping in, it’s actually more about giving yourself permission to receive THAT. Giving self permission to level up your life. Until we give ourselves permission to open to our desires they will stay right at the fringe.
We are constantly having to give ourselves permission in life and re-evaluate where more permission is needed. We are constantly growing and changes and therefore so is our permissions.
And you get to choose what you are going to choose! Because permission sounds amazing but it is freeing and scary AF all in the same breath. It is vulnerable!
I don’t judge you if you choose the comfortable and choose to continue to hold yourself back. Been there, done that, step into that, then out of that… welcome to being human.
I just know that today that is not my choice.
I give myself permission to be seen, loved, and celebrated at a whole new level. To a whole new depth. And in beautiful and amazing new ways.
My soul won’t let me NOT!
My hope for you is that you do the same!
Love, Light & Blessings!
Addison Bell
