Sex Coach / Expert Author/ Tantric Practitioner
Time to kick my own ass!
I sit doing mindset work for an online course I am taking this week. (Yes, the best coaches have coaches)
As I begin journaling out the answers I feel the emotions begin to arise within me. It is funny because it is a huge conglomeration of different emotions.
🔥You say you want to manifest your heart desires!
🔥You do countless exercises to help you imagine and get in the vibration of your goals.
🔥You read, you visualize, you journal, and you act “as if”.
📰📰NEWSFLASH📰📰….. ITS NOT GOOD ENOUGH!!!!! Read more
Yesterday I was sitting and am waiting for an appointment at my office and was tuning into the music playing in the background.
Then I could hear the words, “I will praise you in this storm” begin to play. It was from a Christian song that I know well and used to listen to years ago when in difficult times. This song hold memories of times that I did not think I could ever get through. In those years I did not take things day by ay but truly moment by moment. Read more
You’re blocking the message and you know it!
You’re running from it and trying to hide in every corner possible and yet you say that you want the growth, the change, the blissful life.
You think you want it.
You think you are listening.
You think you are in alignment.
But really you are hiding. Really you are avoiding the issue.
You are focusing in on the small meaningless aspects.
You are getting caught up…
On semantics of words.
On the little nuances.
On your pride.
On your Ego.
Instead you debate… internally and externally.
Instead you do everything BUT what needs to be done.
You are doing all of this to avoid the discomfort. I get it!
I do it too. We all do!
But it’s the recognition that sometimes we are sweating the small stuff.
You are casting the whole painting as crap
But really you are only focused in on one splash.
The painting is too profound.
You might have to getting uncomfortable with the power.
So better not look at all!
Instead let’s smoke, drink, social media, or overwork
Instead let’s live another day disconnected
Instead let’s take external action but not make any changes in the internal
Instead let’s pick apart another’s message apart to not have to hear them
Instead let’s bitch, complain, and wish…wish, and wish, and wish
But God forbid let’s not actually change. Let’s not actually put our Egos away in order to really listen and get the message that we are needing.
I do it. You do it. It’s time to face it.
Not shame ourselves.
Not go even deeper into our Ego B.S.
No it’s time to simply see it for what it is! And make the changes we need to make. Open our perspective up and steep back from the painting. See all the brush strokes together. To ask our hearts and our souls what we are meant to be getting from each interaction and moment.
Asking, “What is my message here?”
To discover what you are needing to look at and where your particular escape from your messages is coming from in your life.
You are meant to receive your messages with ease and clarity.
You are meant to always know the next right step.
You are meant to have the blissful life.
If only you give yourself permission to step back from the details and be penetrated.
I wait for my coffee to finish brewing and glance out my window into the grey cloudy sky. Behind the clouds you can see the morning sun wanting to peak through and light up the sky.
The clouds are swirling and passing and I find myself enthralled at their graceful movement through the sky. Read more
I’m almost 5 years old in this picture. Whenever anyone sees this picture they remark that I look like a porcelain doll and the truth is I can remember this being about this age when I was told to hush, act like a lady, and just sit down, be quiet, and look cute. I can tell you that despite my almost obsession with swirly dresses and dolls…that I in no way shape or form wanted to just be seen as cute. I would sit still, look pretty, and really would just daydream of world domination… Read more
I stand looking over the edge. I can feel the pulsing in my body and the desire I have to leap. Yet I can also feel my heart racing a mile a minute and the fear to step back from this cliff. On one hand my body is craving this adventure and has been speaking to me for awhile about this particular life cliff. Read more
I don’t belong here and never have
I don’t belong in this town that you see fake painted faces and smiles
I don’t belong in these four walls that hold pictures and memories
I don’t belong in this body of pale skin, red hair, and freckles.
I don’t belong here and never have
Ignoring it, hiding, pretending it’s not happening…
Isn’t going to fix it
It’s not going to go away because you hide in the shadows
Or simply just don’t want to deal.
Choosing not to choose is a choice!
Tuck that crazy shit back in!
The emotions rise in my body
I feel them and they feel as if they are going to drown me.
Logically I know this does not make sense. Things are great!
I have no reference point for all of this emotion and ego.
I’m sick and tired of this crazy shit.
I don’t want those around me to see the crazy. I want to push them away and hide from them and from myself. Yet at my core I crave to be held, comforted, and seen in my crazy. I desire to hold it at bay and yet the waves rush over me almost bringing me to my knees.
Most of the time I let it flow. I will allow my emotions to rise and flood the plains of my being.
But this craziness has been going on long enough.
These storms do not seem to be passing and instead building, intensifying, and I’m missing the beauty that I logically see all around me.
Time to act like Moses. I’m parting the red seas of this crazy.
I’m all about processing through emotions but there comes a time when ENOUGH is ENOUGH!
If I allow myself to get taken by these storms then I will lose even more time, energy, and focus.
Sometimes you need to DECIDE you are not swimming in your crazy any longer.
That you are going to make a conscious CHOICE to choose the blissful aspects of life.
That you are going to honor and see that there is emotion
But also that you aren’t going to let it rule.
I can allow the tears to flow while also choosing to move forward and not stay stuck. I can feel the anger rise in my system that wants to be released and I use this anger to push me forward instead of hold me back. I can hear my Ego and prove it wrong. I can journal and give it all breath for a few minutes.
There IS a time to process!
There IS a time to allow yourself to really fall apart and let yourself feel.
Then there is a….
Time to tuck that crazy back in!
And start Living
And not just living but THRIVING
IN BLISS!
https://addisonbell.net/bliss-coaching/