Sometimes I just need a break from spiritual growth and need to jump into some mindless entertainment. I recently was having one of these moments of needing to just escape the world, my feelings, and my head chatter and so decided to pick-up a fiction book. In the book the main character is turned into a siren. Greek mythology portrays Siren’s as women that were like mermaids that could also turn into winged creatures and would sing sailors to their deaths. These were women that were beyond gorgeous that had this entrancing song and way of movement that men couldn’t resist. Once a siren had a man in her grasps he was her’s to use. However, as these creatures are portrayed in the book I was reading, they are devastatingly beautiful until they are not fed, then they lose control and end up going straight for men’s hearts and tearing the man to bits.
Rules. Standards. Lines in the sand.
This is how we treat our relationships
I’m almost 5 years old in this picture. Whenever anyone sees this picture they remark that I look like a porcelain doll and the truth is I can remember this being about this age when I was told to hush, act like a lady, and just sit down, be quiet, and look cute. I can tell you that despite my almost obsession with swirly dresses and dolls…that I in no way shape or form wanted to just be seen as cute. I would sit still, look pretty, and really would just daydream of world domination… Read more
I stand looking over the edge. I can feel the pulsing in my body and the desire I have to leap. Yet I can also feel my heart racing a mile a minute and the fear to step back from this cliff. On one hand my body is craving this adventure and has been speaking to me for awhile about this particular life cliff. Read more
The cool against my skin
The feeling of goosebumps blossoming out from my core
The heat of my hands as they vibrate
The opening in my chest…
I feel like Orgasm Goldilocks!
I lay there as this first gentleman begins to stroke my body
I give soft but meaningful direction
I need the strokes soft and long and then a little shorter and quicker.
I share my own sensation but he isn’t listening to direction and so when I say left he makes no move to change things up. I say right and he continues to do exactly what he was doing.
I agree for him to enter me but the lack of direction has now got me into my own brain and nothing seems to be working. I logically know he is there but yet my body barricades against this touch because he isn’t listening and my body can’t relax knowing I can’t trust. I can’t surrender to the orgasm. He isn’t “bad” but I’m left unfed by the encounter.
To the constant female warrior:
You are always the strong one. The one that holds it together for everyone else. The one that is dying inside, but puts on a smile for those around you. You are the one that can have tears streaming down your face in the car because your heart has been broken and yet you are able to pull it together to walk into a room like a Goddess. Everyone is always complimenting you, but the truth is they don’t truly see you, they don’t see your heart and your true soul, and so it means nothing. They simply see your allure, but so you walk around feeling unseen and unknown. Read more
You say you don’t deserve her. You’re absolutely right!
She is a magnificent Goddess, and you haven’t earned her blessings. You don’t deserve how she glows with excitement when she is passionate about something or when she finds something humorous. You don’t deserve how she has that little-crooked smile that lights the whole fucking world on fire with the energy it projects.
You don’t deserve this part of her because instead of helping her reach deeper into that beauty, you pull her down in negativity, rationality, and facts. Your energy discourages her fire.
You don’t deserve how she worships you like a God in the bedroom and helps you reach the depths of your being with orgasm. You don’t deserve to see her depth in this way, in the midst of your lovemaking when she is at the edge of orgasm and vulnerability floods her face. You don’t deserve this beautiful exchange of energy and the love that she can’t help but share in these moments.
You don’t deserve it because instead of jumping in, you disconnect and use her as a sex toy. You steal this beauty and diminish her power in these moments. You instead use her, fuck her, and leave her body packing on the trauma that she will have to remove to get back to her light. You can’t handle her vulnerability and her true surrender.
You don’t deserve her funny little moments when she looks a mess, but is sexy as hell. You don’t deserve the openness of her heart in these moments or the tears that sometimes escape from her eyes. You don’t deserve to know the depths of those tears and that, no matter how magnificent she is, she still struggles with herself.
You don’t deserve it because you can’t truly hold it. You don’t want to truly hold her here because it pushes you out of your comfort zone. You don’t deserve it because you are the reason for some of those tears and you don’t care to take the time or effort to make things right. You don’t deserve an open heart when yours is so closed off.
You don’t deserve her mind. The mind that works a mile a minute with new ideas. Beautiful fantasies, desires, and ways to make the world a better place. You don’t deserve to know her thoughts. Thoughts that are both complex, silly, spiritual, and at times dark.
You don’t deserve it because you don’t truly listen; you judge, and you pull her imaginings apart like you are scolding a child. You pull her back to earth with your ‘knowledge’ and reality. You don’t treat her mind like the beautiful feminine resource it is, and you diminish her with your hyper-masculine.
NO, you currently don’t deserve her! But she chose you for a reason. You are a deserving person but need to wake up and see her beauty. You need to step into your divine masculine and see her as the Goddess she is and then, and only then will you truly have earned her in all the ways she needs to be earned. You need to cherish her, encourage her, see her, hold her, and devour her… then you will deserve her. Then she will reopen her heart, her mind, and her body to take you to a new depth that you have yet to experience. Then you will have earned her magnificent light!
But there is work required, and until you start to do that work… You don’t deserve her!
If you know me, then you know I adore music and have different artists for every mood. Music inspires my body and soul, and today, I am in a very soulful mood. I lie here in the grass on a beautiful spring day as the sun shines through my strawberry blonde hair and onto my pale white skin. Then my music library shuffles to Dave Matthews Band and the song “Dreamgirl” begins my turn-on, and then continues with “Crash Into Me.” Both of which make my soul sing with desire and orgasmic energy. It feels very fitting for this divine moment. I start singing along and thinking about how EVERY woman should have at least one man, if not more, in her life that looks at her this way. I close my eyes and dream of one of my lovers sitting next to me and staring at me with a mischievous boyish grin of desire and hope. Taking in not only the sun reflecting off of my body, but also looking deep into my soul to see all the beautiful little messy parts of me that he adores. It brings a beautiful smile to my face. I start to dream of my “Dream-man” where we continually and playfully ‘crash’ together! Chasing after one another in an animalistic playful way that is also sensual, where we are eating each other up, and can’t get enough at that moment.
Scenario 1: We have just come out from an extraordinary concert that has my heart dancing from the beautiful music. As we walk down the sidewalk, he grasps my shoulders and pushes me to the right, and I get jokingly scolded as he explains that he needs to be between me and traffic. In this moment, he wants to be my protector.
Scenario 2: I patiently sit and wait for him to come around to my side of the car and open the door. I have to take a second to breathe past my conditioning of doing things for myself and just allow. He opens the door, I place my hand in his, and he gives me a gentle kiss before guiding me to our destination as I thank him for his thoughtfulness.
Scenario 3: We are lying on the couch and just chatting as he shows me some interesting pictures and videos on social media. The conversation turns slightly sexy, and there is definitely a sexual tension in the room, but I feel frozen and am not making any moves. Then he suddenly stands up, grasps my hand, says he wants me, and pulls me up the stairs to his bedroom where we have an evening of play.