How I Lost 25lbs and Gained Sexual Empowerment Through Tantra

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From the time I was 10 years-old until I was in my twenties, I fought a bloody battle with my own body, which manifested as anorexia and bulimia. I spent 15 years in what can only be described as a hell of my own body but more than anything, a place where I was a prisoner of my own mind. I was blessed, however, to get help and eventually fully recover. I learned to come to a place of peace with my body and formed an essence of neutrality. I no longer put effort into trying to lose weight because I knew this was a slippery slop to relapse. Through the years of recovery it became apparent that I needed to work on my past sexual trauma that was keeping me stuck in not only a war against my body but in many areas of my life, especially my sexuality. I would later learn that most individuals with eating disorders also have some difficulties with their sexuality in some form or fashion. I went to therapy religiously and pushed myself to open up internal boxes that I had bolted shut. The deeper I dug the more disgusted I found for my sexuality and the more my body shut down physically.

I found myself fully recovered from my eating disorder but still struggling with my body in terms of my sexuality, and simply talking about it wasn’t fixing the physical problems that had developed. No matter how many times I sat in therapy sessions my therapist wasn’t able to help me make penetration hurt any less, nor was my doctor even able to help for that matter. Nor were they able to take away the extreme panic, the flashbacks, or the nausea I would have when a date became more sensual. So, I decided it was time to seek out another way to work through my problems surrounding sexuality. I had heard about practitioners that did hands on work and so I began Googling until I came across what would later become my Tantric Sex Coach. It took almost a year before I actually met her and agreed to do the work that was necessary for my own healing.

When I began seeing her I was completely frozen in my body, had very little body awareness, reported zero sexual desire, and although I was not overweight I held an extra 25lbs on my petite frame as a protective shield. I exercised and ate a generally balanced diet, and at the time I was at what clinicians called my “ideal body weight.” Session after session I dug into my beliefs surrounding sex, my desires, and my body and began peeling away layers of distorted beliefs. Then we began moving on to more experiential tantric sessions where I began discovering an energy in my body that I had never noticed. I began feeling the beginnings of arousal and desire and started to feel my entire body for the first time since I was a child. My physical body began to relax through tantric practices of breathing, relaxing, and being mindful of my “Kundalini” (sexual) energy.

The first time I had sex after beginning to study and integrate Tantra, I found that I was able to relax enough that I wasn’t screaming in pain, whereas in the months prior, inserting a tampon was painful. The other thing I began noticing, was that as I peeled away negative belief systems through the experiential processes, my body began unfolding as well. All of a sudden my waist began to become more slender, my hips took on a different curve, and my face went from being rounded to thin and elongated. I was in my late twenties but my body started changing in ways that I can only compare to puberty!

From my years of working in mental health, my degree in psychology, and training in Bioenergetics I knew that oftentimes our physical bodies are representations of the lives we have lived. (For more information see “The Body Keeps Score”). This mental knowledge began to play out right in front of me when I looked in the mirror, and it took me by surprise.

As I stated earlier, I did not believe in dieting and I was not attempting to lose weight but clothes that were once tight became loose and then began falling off . The more Tantra got me in touch with my body the more I was able to tune in and listen to what it desired in regards to food and exercise. I was able to savor every morsel of chocolate instead of eating a whole candy bar and not enjoying its taste. I was able to crave fruits and vegetables and the energy they provided my body. I did not eat them just because they were “healthy.” I ate fruits and vegetables because they were what my body wanted. The feelings I had of disgust at my body and sexuality, that used to induce nausea, was no longer present.

I began enjoying the movements of my body more, because for once, I felt really good and was literally not lugging around pounds of trauma. Sex was fun and lasted longer and longer because I was enjoying the dance and movement of the intimacy. I began having orgasms that shook my whole body for hours. I would leave one of my lovers, and my stomach muscles would still be rippling from the energy of the previous sex session. I would awake the next morning feeling like I had spent 2 hours at the gym. For the first time in my life I would walk, dance, or engage in other movements just because it brought me pleasure.

I began to love my body more for whatever it looked like through the practice of tantra. Tantra translates as “weave” and this is what I started to do with my sexuality and my body. A big piece of tantra is learning to honor, and one of the things we honor is the inner “God/Goddess” in everyone. So I began taping into that divinity of my own spirit. I developed new belief systems surrounding why I was here on this earth and in this physical body. I found a beauty within that made me want to take care of my myself as a whole. I started to understand that our thoughts manifest our world; for example, if you focus on being “fat,” that is exactly what your reality becomes.

I find it amazing that, as soon as I truly “let myself go” my body took on the shape that I had literally almost killed myself for only years prior! With the help of Tantra I have found a fun and orgasmic sex life but also a true connection with my body.

Now as a Sex/Relationship Coach & Tantric Practitioner, I feel blessed to be able to help people gain the same benefits that I had received when I got into Tantra. I revel in the changes I see physically and energetically in clients as they begin to do this work. It is extraordinary to see people release things that have clung to their spirits like mud. I feel incredibly honored to be able to walk through pain, tears, shame, nightmares and joy with my clients the way that some outstanding people have done for me.

So although I will NEVER give dieting advice, here is a review of some elements that you can include in your life to help you find a body and life closer to what you desire:

  • Stop focusing on your weight in a negative way! The more you focus on how unhappy you are with your body the more you will tell the Universe that this is the body you want. If you think you’re fat you will be fat! Instead focus on aspects about your life and body that you enjoy.
  • Become more mindful of your body in diet and exercise. When you are eating, make sure you are focusing more on the taste of the food and the energy it gives off. When you are exercising, focus on how your body is enjoying the movement. Don’t deprive your body from foods that it really wants. If you want chocolate, then eat it – but eat it mindfully.
  • Have more SEX! There are many health benefits of good sex, but one of them is weight loss and toning. This will only work if you are having deep, connective sex, otherwise you will not be releasing the correct chemicals into your brain, and your orgasms won’t be deep enough to give you the full benefit. This goes for men and women.
  • Start working with a Tantric practitioner to release stored traumas from your body. When we are carrying around negative energy we are simply not able to live our best lives. Studies have shown that we can also physically carry these traumas through fat stores, cancers and other physical representations.

Reach out to Addison Bell, Sex & Relationship Coach and Tantric Practitioner, TODAY to find help in creating a better life and body for yourself!

www.addisonbell.net/contact

Become Tied Up & Twisted In Your Dreamgirl

 

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Photos taken by -Photography In Wonderland

If you know me, then you know I adore music and have different artists for every mood. Music inspires my body and soul, and today, I am in a very soulful mood. I lie here in the grass on a beautiful spring day as the sun shines through my strawberry blonde hair and onto my pale white skin. Then my music library shuffles to Dave Matthews Band and the song “Dreamgirl” begins my turn-on, and then continues with “Crash Into Me.” Both of which make my soul sing with desire and orgasmic energy. It feels very fitting for this divine moment. I start singing along and thinking about how EVERY woman should have at least one man, if not more, in her life that looks at her this way. I close my eyes and dream of one of my lovers sitting next to me and staring at me with a mischievous boyish grin of desire and hope. Taking in not only the sun reflecting off of my body, but also looking deep into my soul to see all the beautiful little messy parts of me that he adores. It brings a beautiful smile to my face. I start to dream of my “Dream-man” where we continually and playfully ‘crash’ together! Chasing after one another in an animalistic playful way that is also sensual, where we are eating each other up, and can’t get enough at that moment.

Every woman should be looked at with this intense love and passion! Every woman should be considered a divine forest of intricacies that is to be discovered and devoured. Where they are viewed as some beautiful work of art that frequently hear how they turn their man on physically and emotionally. Every woman should hear how their man gets “tied up and twisted’ when thinking about their woman’s body. Where they are being chased by their man and are viewed as the most amazing dream where a man continually wants to dive deeper and deeper into her body and soul, and also where she sees all this intense desire in his eyes when he looks at her.

I meet with so many women that hate themselves and all the little imperfections that create their divine uniqueness. As a woman myself, I get it and can’t say that I love every single aspect of myself every moment of the day, but as women, we should feel like our lovers are reveling in all those little pieces. I am all for women learning to love and embrace themselves, and so this does not take the responsibility off of the woman for loving herself, but a divine masculine has the ability to show his Goddess even deeper levels of her own divinity.

In order to reach those depths of divinity, however, she needs someone to “hold” her and not just physically, but also emotionally hold space for her to open. This means beautiful orgasmic moments along with moments of tears, laughter, and if she’s anything like me, sometimes a great big mixture of the two at once. It will be like watching the most beautiful volcano erupt over and over again the deeper you take her. However, this requires a man to be in his divine masculine energy where she can fully trust and allow herself to go to these beautiful depths. When a woman is in this place, you can see the energy radiating off of her being, and her beauty seems to be increased tenfold. She is sending out love and openness into the world and bringing you right along with her on the journey.

Many men talk about wishing their woman was more playful, but you may need to help her drop into that playfulness. Women on a primal level were made to be chased, and men were meant to be our pursuers. Men should be looking at their woman like she is the most divine prize to be won over and over again, and should be tapping into their most primal instincts as men. Every time you have sex with a woman, you should be discovering her like it’s the very first time because, honestly, you have never truly had sex with this version of her before. Women are constantly changing and never the same and so explore her, devour her, hold her so close that she can surrender to not only you but herself.

Throughout daily life, I often hear comments about how we should not be “objectifying” women. I totally agree that women are people to be appreciated for more than their bodies. However, with these messages, I feel, as a society, we have turned into a place where men feel wrong or perverse for appreciating, complimenting, or being aroused by the feminine form. This is a grave misfortune because the female form is divine and is meant to be honored and appreciated.

I want to hear how a man finds pleasure in the curve of my breast or the sway of my hips. Just as much as I savor when a lover tells me that he enjoys my youthful spirit and how my eyes portray my caring heart. All of these things make up me in my divine feminine and, ultimately, who I am as a whole person… physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Compliments may be difficult for a woman based upon learned programming, but a woman in tune with herself will revel in these statements. The key is to complement a woman just for the pure pleasure of sharing your pleasure with her and not in order to simply convince her to engage in sexual play. Goddesses are meant to be worshipped just for the pure fact that they are each uniquely and divinely beautiful and in turn, a Goddess who feels worshipped will worship her god!

CALL TO MEN

Play with her; arouse her body and her mind. Fuck her wide open physically and emotionally and watch her become your Dreamgirl. Chase her! Connect to your masculine so she can connect to her feminine. Allow yourself to get unabashedly lost in your thoughts of her mind and body. Tell her how you love her and all the beauty you see deep within her. And allow her to wrap you up in the playful chains of her divine energy. Never get complacent and take her divinity for granted. Continue to hunt to learn every little inch of her and then start all over again to rediscover her day-in and day-out.

CALL TO WOMEN

Don’t settle for anything else than being ravished. Learn to let him in and drop your masculine walls that have been built up through trauma and toil. See yourself as a Dreamgirl, and he will begin to see you that way too. Play with daydreams in your head, listen to music that set you on fire, and explore each and every part of your own body and soul. Allow yourself to surrender into divine moments of bliss. Let him worship you!

 

Need help learning to own your Divine Masculine/Feminine? Help on how to arouse her fully and completely? Or find ways to ‘spice’ things up in the bedroom? Reach out to www.addisonbell.net/contact to work with me TODAY!

Musical Inspiration:

“Dreamgirl”- Dave Matthews Band

“Crash Into Me”- Dave Matthews & Tim Reynolds

Sexual Communication

My cheeks are flushed, my body is radiating heat, and little moans escape my lips. His breath is heavy on my neck as we dive deeper and deeper into a state of passion. The little moans escaping my lips tell him that I am enjoying his touch and he sporadically shares little insights of enjoyment… “Oh, yes,” “You’re amazing,” “Oh, right there,” as I watch his body tremble over and over again with orgasmic energy. As we continue in our play, he enters a state of deep intensity and shifts my positioning. We are in the midst of a passionate animalistic moment when all of a sudden I find myself taken from bliss quickly to severe pain. “Oww! That really hurts. You feel fucking amazing but that’s too deep.” We take a second and try moving slower and less deep but the angle simply isn’t working for my body today. He rapidly switches my position again and we fast approach a deeper state of intimacy. At one point our moans, heavy breath, and sighs are the only form of communication as we are so close that our bodies could melt into each other. We stop several times in our hours of sexing between orgasms to talk with each other about life and our turn-ons… what we like, what we don’t like, and even share a few fantasies until we end the night in a beautiful silence that says more than any words could say.


couple-pillow-talk_pijs35Communication is vitally important in relationships in order to build intimacy. One of the times that it is significant to communicate is in the middle of sex, like the above event. This does not mean we need to stop and have full in-depth conversations while trying to merge sexual energies, although if that’s what is needed then that is an option. There are many different aspects to communicating during these intimate moments and they don’t have to shut the sexing down.

Share your enjoyment! – Sex requires a state of vulnerability and one way to help your partner know you are enjoying things is to tell him/her. Take the time to give your partner kudos for the moments when they are touching you in all the right ways. Allow those deep moans and sexy sighs to slip through those lips and if something is working really well, directly say so… “Wow, that feels amazing!,” “I love when you do that,” etc. Also, making sexy observations can help turn your partner on or simply communicate you are enjoying the situation… “Your breasts look amazing from this angle,” “Your skin is so incredibly soft, ” “You have a beautiful ass,” etc. If you are not verbalizing, then your partner is never going to learn what is working and what your turn-ons are. Your orgasm and pleasure is your responsibility so start talking!

Make adjustments – As much as it’s important to tell your partner if something feels good, it also is vital to tell them if something isn’t working. Like in the above example, sometimes in the midst of things working they suddenly aren’t working and that doesn’t mean anyone is doing anything wrong. What feels fantastic one time may not feel so amazing the next depending on a variety of factors. There are many different ways to ask for adjustments during sex, but no matter how you go about it use direct requests. In the middle of sex, if I need a small adjustment just to increase my overall pleasure then my favorite way to ask is to recognize something that I am really enjoying and then ask for the adjustment. However, when you are engaging in more adventurous play it is important to set up safe words in order to communicate more effectively if things need to quickly change in the situation. Safety should be of the upmost importance during sex due to not only the physical components but also the emotional components. Unless you are able to have those meaningful conversations to communicate your safe words then I strongly suggest avoiding any risky sexual play until you and your partner have come to a more open and communicative place in your relationship.

 Share fantasies – Sometimes in the midst of sex or to get aroused, it can be fun to share fantasies. It can raise the heat in the moment when you tell your partner to envision something. For example, in the midst of sex one day, while my lover is penetrating me, he shared how he could envision us at a club with other men in my mouth as he was having sex with me. He shared how he thought my positioning was the perfect position for other types of play. I played along and began laying out what would be happening in that situation. This mental picture quickly took things to a new level in our sexing that night. Sharing fantasies while having sex or just in daily conversation can tell us more about our partner both sexually and non-sexually. It adds a level of vulnerability into the mix of a relationship.

 Open up your throat chakra – If you want to make sex better then verbalizing will help bring your sexual energy higher by opening up your throat chakra. This helps to keep a healthy flow of energy and so letting those sighs, moans, and screams out will help drop you into a deeper orgasmic state.

 

All of this being said, it is important that your verbalization is authentic. Oftentimes, people will verbalize just because they believe that’s what they are “supposed to do,” which will actually take away from the intimacy and connection in the moment. If you are screaming out then make sure it’s because you are truly in the throws of passion and not just because you think it is what your partner wants! Be authentic and be open during your lovemaking.

Give it a try tonight with your partner!

Spice up your sex life TODAY!… fill out my application for coaching and bodywork at www.addisonbell.net/contact

Sex Is NOT Safe: The Energetic Dangers of Sex

1fe6de148d75fc60bb5f501aeadf719bWe learn early on that that sex can lead to unwanted pregnancies and STD/STIs. Schools do a wonderful job at scaring us from having sex when we’re younger by showing us images of genitals infected with diseases, the negative effects of an unwanted pregnancy, and the staggering statistics about both. I am an advocate for engaging in safe sexual practices and think it’s essential in a healthy adult relationship and as a responsible individual. One surefire way to kill any sex life or relationship is to get an incurable STD. However, what we don’t learn about as children is the other ways in which sex can be dangerous…. or amazing!

Throughout our lives, every sexual experience and every interaction builds on the next to become the filter through which we approach our lives. When we enter into a sexual relationship, we bring with us the energy of every other sexual experience we have lived previously. So if you haven’t processed or done your work around your sexuality and relationships, then you’re bringing those positive and negative energies into your new experiences.

The truth is, whether we want to acknowledge it or not, sex connects us. Yes, even one-night stands and side flings connect and change us. You are merging energy and allowing another person to engage with your most powerful energy: your sexual energy, or kundalini. Think about a heterosexual encounter, where the man is inserting his penis into a woman’s vagina. What is not seen, but what all tantra experts are aware of, is that there is an energy exchange happening in this moment. This builds a connection, as one person integrates a piece of their energy into the other’s being. Lets not forget that while all this energy is melding, our brains are also releasing oxytocin, which is a bonding hormone. This is the hormone for women that creates a bond, but is also the reason why you feel so sensual after good sex.

This bonding makes any relationship stronger and deeper. Whatever that relationship has been, adding sex adds a new layer to the relationship and creates a connection. This goes for one-night stands, long-term relationships, rapes, etc. You have just built an energetic cord to that other person. This is when sex can become messy, because these connections affect how the relationship functions, for better or worse.

This energy exchange and chemical bonding can be amazing and help us to grow and expand as individuals and couples. But it can also cause unforeseen difficulties. As I said earlier, if someone hasn’t been doing their sexual work and clearing their entire systems, then you could unwittingly take on years of their negative energy if you’re not careful. Also, if we become who we have sex with, then it is important that we make sure we want to take a little piece of that other person into our being.

I can remember dating a guy who was very sweet. We got along, had great conversations and were pretty compatible… until we began playing sexually. All of a sudden, after every sexual encounter I would find myself feeling nauseous. This had never happened previously, and so after checking in with myself I realized that I was taking in a piece of this man’s energy that was not jiving with my system. As soon as I broke off the relationship, I stopped having this reaction after sex. It was my body telling me that our energies were incompatible. It was also alerting me to the underlying energy that I had been overlooking in our daily interactions.

Now, there are ways to protect your own energy and ground yourself . As a tantric practitioner, I am constantly working with this strong energy. But the truth is that as much as I try, there are times when some of that energy sticks to me and I have to acknowledge the energy that belongs to others and try to release it from my system. This is where practices such as cord-cutting, grounding techniques, and meditation come into a person’s practice. Even if you are great at holding on firmly to your own energy and grounding, in the end there will be some energy exchange during sex.

This energy can be amazingly life-changing, or as dangerous as having unprotected sex with a stranger. It’s important that we protect ourselves both in the traditional sense of condoms and birth-control methods. But it’s also important to for us protect our energy.

Now you know the dangers of holding negative sexual energy… make an appointment TODAY with Addison Bell, and let her help you clear your energy systems. Fill out her application at www.addisonbell.net/contact

 

 

 

 

 

Lifes Little Orgasms

scientificamericansex0316-4-I1As I sit here in my car in the hot Texas summer, I have a sense of peace in my heart. I look out the car window and am amazed at the beautiful green trees that stand resilient against the beating heat. If you look hard enough you can see a pure white aura glowing from their steady statures. Around is a dazzling blue cornflower blue sky with white puffy clouds that make me want to dive into their marshmallow-ness. Even the soft breeze that blows through my window and dance across my skin takes strands of my hair off on a miniature dance.

I then check in on my body. Warmed skin, energy flowing deep in my belly, a soft breeze touching my cheek, and a tad bit of sleepiness in my eyes. I breathe deep into my diaphragm and note that my chest is slightly constricted from a busy, stressful day.

All of these beautiful things I would be missing out on if not for my intention to stop and really pay attention to not only my body but also my life. It is so easy to get lost in the humdrum daily grind and constant hustle – what I like to call the “hamster wheel” of life that we humans in today’s society so easily find ourselves on.

However, over the last few months I have made an extra special effort to focus in on what is happening in the present moment and tune into both my physical and emotional feelings. So today when I found myself experiencing shallow breathing and a tight chest as well as feeling really disconnected from my own energy, I knew I needed to stop, take a moment, and reconnect.

I could tell you all that I am always calm, collected, and connected…but that would be a lie. I’m totally human and get caught up in my ego and distractions like other humans. The point is that I make the effort to be a constant observer of my life in order to know when something is out of balance. Then I make the effort to make the changes necessary to rebalance my life and my emotions.

In sessions and even in blog posts I often talk quite a bit about orgasm and orgasmic energy. When I speak about this phenomenon I’m not just talking about it in a sexual manner. I’m talking about how our lives can be orgasmic!

The truth is that we can “get off” every time we have sex and still be totally out of whack energetically. Are you missing the little orgasms in your daily life? Are you simply riding the “kiddie ride” of orgasm where the peaks and valleys are shallow and safe?

The truth is that in life we make ourselves incredibly vulnerable if we sink into a Six Flags roller coaster kind of life and orgasmic experience. However, that’s unfortunately where we find the riches of life: happiness and peace. The lows make the highs even more amazing.

ce9827e8c3f270fa4ddd2118599e1737As humans we are very bad at compartmentalizing life. We cannot expect to ride these amazing orgasms in the bedroom but then be constricted in the remainder of our lives. We cannot close down aspects of ourselves and hope to be fully open to experiences that we desire.

I think this is true for both men and women but find that it particularly resonates with women. Our feminine energy and brains are especially not meant to function in this manner. Men often also think they are able to do this but the truth is that they are most likely cutting off their natural feminine energy in order to live in this way, which leads to an imbalance that possibly goes unnoticed.

Having the courage to be vulnerable to the highs, lows, and in betweens of daily life is the only way to fully experience all the wonder that this world holds. Taking the time to recognize ALL aspects of the orgasmic wave of life, including the parts that are uncomfortable, is the way to find ultimate bliss.

Go out today and recognize all the little orgasms in your life and how there is beauty in every moment of everyday if you take the time to open your heart to the world.

In order to gain more perspective and learn how to ride life’s orgasms…reach out to addisonbelltantra@gmail.com

Appointment spaces are limited and so get your coaching/bodywork slot while they are available!