?You Love The Idea of Me! ?
I get told all the time by people that they love me.
And I love to be loved but the truth is that most of them don’t really love me…
They don’t love me because they don’t really know me
They love the idea of me that they have created in their head
It is a figment of their imagination and has nothing to do with me.
I’ve told by clients consistently that they love me but they don’t have to sit with me in my dark and scary moments. My moments of drowning in my ego where it’s hard to get a breath. When they see these things they turn away. These times where I am lazy, unsexy, emotional, and angry. They love the idea of me…
The one who holds space for them.
The one that is entirely present for an hour for them without judgment
The one that can be a break from their normal interactions
I’ve been told by lovers that they love me but they don’t take the time to see my true depth. They don’t penetrate me deep enough to get the unraveling and uncracking of the shell. The uncracking where the orgasm is so amazing that I shatter in their arms in tears and anger and other store emotions. They love the idea of me…
The one that is sexy, playful, and seductive
The one that brings pleasure into their lives and gives them a break from the mundane
The one that can be arm candy and laugh
I’ve been told by family that they love me but they don’t allow the true growth. They get stuck in the ideal version of their sister, daughter, niece, or in-law. They don’t walk those new and interesting new lands of growth nor do they wish too. They don’t see the moments of great joy and the smallest sprouts of change that happen daily. I’m stuck at 5yr, 13yr, 25yr… never to truly grow in their eyes. They don’t see the girl that is playful, funny, full of life, and full of passion. They love the idea of me…
The one that can be the glue in the family
The one that is the perfectionist
The one that holds space
The one that is always getting accolades and following rules.
This is not true love in any of these situations. If you are unwilling to see and hold all parts of someone… all the little facets, little pieces, and intricacies then you don’t truly love them. When someone shows you a new piece of them and you turn away… you are turning away from love.
Now in truth we can never know someone 100%! It’s an impossibility since we don’t know ourselves 100%. Thus, meaning we are always in a discovering and uncovering process in relationships. Though we work very hard at shutting this process down… It’s easier to just make a version of them up in our mind and stick with that version. Hyper-focus on one aspect ignoring all others.
However, there are those rare people and relationships that want MORE. Want to truly love you. That want to keep learning you, uncovering you, and helping to walk into expansion with you. The people that truly love you.
The lover that wants me just as much as hot mess as in the sexy little black dress. And that wants to hold space for me in my tears just as he wants my laughter and bliss.
The friend that is continually inquiring and wanting to understand. Who loves on me the most when just listening as I sort through.
The family of choice that pushes me to grow and expand but yet is willing to sit with me just the way I am in the moment. And enjoys who I am and am becoming.
Do they love me perfectly? No, they don’t but their imperfect love is enough because they are striving to hold me as I am. Not just trying to love the idea of me but to love the heart and soul of me.
Look at your life. Look at your relationships. Are you loving the heart and soul of the people you claim to love? Or are you loving the figment of your imagination? Are you allowing their expansion and growth or shutting them into a box?
?Love Big, Love Deep, & Love True ?
Sending you Love, Light, & Bliss! 
?
Addison Bell
