It’s been a very long week of expansion and contraction, and honestly, my emotions are all over the place as well as my energy. One moment, I feel like crying, and the next, I am in a pure state of divine bliss! I have had several personal growth sessions and am working on integrating them all. A few days ago, I had a rebirthing session (see Birthing A Soul: A Session of Transformation), and today, I am to have a different rebirthing process, not only to integrate the previous few days, but also to incorporate the human need for connection. Read more
From the time I was 10 years-old until I was in my twenties, I fought a bloody battle with my own body, which manifested as anorexia and bulimia. I spent 15 years in what can only be described as a hell of my own body but more than anything, a place where I was a prisoner of my own mind. I was blessed, however, to get help and eventually fully recover. I learned to come to a place of peace with my body and formed an essence of neutrality. I no longer put effort into trying to lose weight because I knew this was a slippery slop to relapse. Through the years of recovery it became apparent that I needed to work on my past sexual trauma that was keeping me stuck in not only a war against my body but in many areas of my life, especially my sexuality. I would later learn that most individuals with eating disorders also have some difficulties with their sexuality in some form or fashion. I went to therapy religiously and pushed myself to open up internal boxes that I had bolted shut. The deeper I dug the more disgusted I found for my sexuality and the more my body shut down physically.
My pussy speaks to me. It has a voice. At times in my life this voice has been almost inaudible while at other times it has been loud and robust. Years ago I worked very hard to silence this part of me that was connected on a soul level. The connection felt too much, too intense, and too open. Through my awakening to different sexuality practices I have reconnected with that primal area. However, despite any attempts to ever silence my pussy it continues to speak to me whether I am listening or not, and when I am not listening my pussy finds a way to make me pay attention! During these times of disconnection I feel lost and uncertain about my life and overall ungrounded-ness when not connected to my source energy. When I am connected I feel alive, I know where I am headed in life, I have energy, and every nuance of life is deeply felt and blissful.