We all go through times in our lives that are harder than others. A few months ago, I was seeing several men, and I was enjoying the heck out of each one of them. Each man was unique in his personality and looks, the way he approached life, and the way he approached me. Each was special in his own way. But things got pretty crazy in my life for a few months, and honestly, I lost the peppy and flirtatious me and was authentic with them about the fact that I was hurting. I wasn’t interested in sex, was pretty negative in my thinking, and had a lot of stress riding on my shoulders. Read more
Article published on Performance Insiders: https://www.performanceinsiders.com/foods-impacting-sex-life.html
Why don’t they see how I need to be loved? Why do they continue to do this when they see how much it hurts me and how unlovable it makes me feel? What is wrong with me that no one can love me the way I need to be loved?
These are the ego thoughts that fill my brain as I drive down the road after arguing with a loved one and have tears streaming down my face. I am both angry and sad, and at this moment not connecting with my higher self in any form or fashion. By the time I get home, I have a face streaked in mascara, puffy eyes, my heart chakra is aching, but I am trying to move out of the little vibration that I have found myself in after the argument. I breathe and think a bit on “love” and what I am truly looking for out of not only this loved one, but also everyone in my life.
What I know to be true is there are so many types of “love” in our world, and truth be told, we are all broken in this area. It starts the moment that you cry as a baby and wonder why you’re not being picked up and soothed. It bridges all the way to when we are adults, lying on the floor crying, and wondering why our partner isn’t picking us up to hold us and soothe us; wondering what is wrong with them or us. No one makes it to adulthood without building up wounds based on love!
Although so many of these wounds are around the same general area of “love,” they present very differently. I almost dare to say that no emotional wound isn’t in some way attached to love. For one person, this may mean they always find themselves feeling abandoned just when they need the people that claim to love them to be present. For another, it may be not being able to be touched because their mother never held them, and so it brings up feeling unlovable. And yet for another, it may be that boyfriend that would yell and hit them and then hours later claim to love them and so they learned that love=pain. We even have love wounds around the friendships that were broken and bullying that may have taken place at some point proving the person wasn’t “lovable.”
And the wounding around love goes on and on…
How many of us have had thoughts about how we feel unlovable or how we are loveable but only to a certain point because, then, we are too much to be handled… “too much,” “not enough,” etc. We think people can only handle pieces of us because if they saw the entirety, then we assume they would hate what they saw. We tell ourselves that there is something inherently wrong with us OR we continue to blame everyone around us for not being good enough to love us.
The truth is that the problem lies somewhere amidst all of that Ego talk.
We are born open to love, but as we go through life, we pick up different hurts, habits, and inclinations for how we need to be loved.
Along with this, we learn to give love in a specific way. We attach love only to sex, only to affirmations, gifts, etc. The problem being that so has our partner/friends/families and so put all that mess and complicated wiring together, and no one is ever going to be able to love us just the “right” way in all situations.
One person could be giving all their energy towards loving someone, but if it’s not how that other person is able to receive love, then it will not bridge the “love chasm.” If we are lucky, then we will have people that can help open us to moments where we are filled and feel in complete and utter acceptance. A lover or friend that listens to us and understands our love language and how to get this love across to us the majority of the time, but they too will sometimes miss the boat!
What happens when someone needs a different kind of love?
Men and women as a whole (yes, stereotyping here) are wired to give and receive love in very different ways. The masculine tends to be more physical, and this physical connection leads to a greater ability to open to love. If I’m honest, many of the men I work with are disconnected from their heart chakras and so don’t realize how blocked they are from their feelings of love until it totally busts open and then is confused towards these intense feelings they find themselves playing in. However, in order for them to feel that deep love, they need the physical to bust it open, and they attempt to give love in the same fashion. Women tend to be more wired to receiving love in a more emotions/affirmations manner and so need to have their heart chakras opened first and then are able to feel the love with receptivity that is more physical. This causes difficulties when a man is trying to express his love physically but the woman is not translating this as love, and so is left feeling unloved… and vice versa.
On top of that, different people are able to give us different types of love, and no one person will be able to fill all these areas. For example, if I am talking with a friend, they are able to provide me with a soul-sister type of feminine love that my male lovers are not able to provide for me. If I am in need of love that is more passionate and intense, then my friends are not going to fill that need, but a lover is exactly what I need.
Another thing is that we block love from people based upon our wounding. Depending on where that wounding lies depends on how we receive or repel love. Love is a deeply vulnerable thing because when we allow someone into our deepest layers of our being, then we open ourselves up to pain. There is simply no getting around it. Love = Vulnerability. While our vulnerability is a necessary and beautiful process, it is also the reason we have been burned in the past in love. It requires work to heal these areas and lean into this vulnerability and the wounding.
So when dealing with others, we are always dealing with not only what they can provide based on their wounding, but also what we can provide and receive based upon our own wounding. The key is understanding that we are all coming from a place of wounding. Some of these wounds are easily remedied and worked through while others may be harder since they have become the very groundwork in which we have built our perceptions of the world and ourselves. Though if we know this, then we begin to approach each other and ourselves in a very different manner, a softer manner, and from more of a perception of growth versus defect.
The best way to not only get in touch with how to love others and also to love ourselves is to tune into the spirit.
We as humans ARE love at our core, and so when we take the time to focus in on this unadulterated spirit, we get closer to a true acceptance and giving of love. The truth is, no one is going to be able to love us just “right” in all situations, but we can work to accept the love that is truly all around us from family, friends, and the Universe. Also, to remember that if we don’t love ourselves, then we create a barrier against others loving us.
No one will love us right… but we can be loved magnificently if we open and allow!
See Original Article on YourTango
I lay there on the table in front of the crowd, and I can hear the small whispers as I settle into my positioning. I feel the whispered breeze the air conditioner is creating above me that sends a shiver down my spine and listen to the pitter patter my heart is giving off. I take a deep inhale as I prepare my mind and body to enter the realm of orgasm. I have a hard time quieting my mind at this moment because for the last few weeks, I’ve had a significant amount of stress that has been greatly impacting my orgasm, and all these eyes are watching me are wanting to see orgasmic energy. There is an expectant energy oozing from the crowd of smiling faces. Read more
“The way a man penetrates the world should be the same way he penetrates his woman: not merely for personal gain or pleasure, but to magnify love, openness, and depth.” -David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
I sit with a male sex coaching client and he tells me all about how his wife has dramatically changed over the last few years, which has him greatly concerned and also has him feeling frustrated. He explains how, when they first married, his wife was upbeat and fun to be around, had a high sex drive, and was full of energy in her life. But, then, he describes a woman that, only a few years later, now, has a low sex drive, sometimes experiences pain during sex, is low energy, moody, and simply does not have her old optimistic attitude. As I dig deeper into his sex life, the reason for these sudden changes begin to unfold before me as I am told about a lack of sex in the marriage due to the daily demands of stress and children. When sex is happening, it’s usually only between 15 and 20 minutes, never involves cuddling, and is always climax-focused for both him and his wife. He states, “But it’s not like she is not orgasming, she always has a clitoral orgasm.” I chuckle as we spend the remainder of the session talking about the mysterious female body and the difference between all right sex and soul-shaking sex, and the great importance of the latter.
From the time I was 10 years-old until I was in my twenties, I fought a bloody battle with my own body, which manifested as anorexia and bulimia. I spent 15 years in what can only be described as a hell of my own body but more than anything, a place where I was a prisoner of my own mind. I was blessed, however, to get help and eventually fully recover. I learned to come to a place of peace with my body and formed an essence of neutrality. I no longer put effort into trying to lose weight because I knew this was a slippery slop to relapse. Through the years of recovery it became apparent that I needed to work on my past sexual trauma that was keeping me stuck in not only a war against my body but in many areas of my life, especially my sexuality. I would later learn that most individuals with eating disorders also have some difficulties with their sexuality in some form or fashion. I went to therapy religiously and pushed myself to open up internal boxes that I had bolted shut. The deeper I dug the more disgusted I found for my sexuality and the more my body shut down physically.
by Kendal Williams (featured on Consumer Health Digest)
“There I stand looking in the mirror as I brush my teeth. I am noticing how frumpy I look and exhausted I feel at this hour but, even more so I find myself frustrated and overwhelmed with the thoughts of everything that I had needed to get taken care of and never found the time for that will now move to my things to do list tomorrow. My husband walks in the bathroom behind me saying something that I cannot really hear over the brushing and swishing of my oral care. I spit in the sink and ask him what he said. He rattles something back about the day and shutting down the house for bed. I pick up a washcloth and bend over to wash my face, my husband comes up behind me, grabs hold of my hips and squeezes, then slaps my bottom and gives me a look.
I can tell that he wants sex. Lord, I don’t! My body is tired and my mind is wandering and stressed about the day to come. I feel no turn on in this moment but look at my husband as he pulls his underwear off and gets into bed. Suddenly I feel like I need to do this one last chore of the day and “take care of his needs.” I figure that if I go along with it, even act like I am into it or want it that he will come a little quicker and I can be asleep in the next 15 minutes or so. Continue reading…
If you know me, then you know I adore music and have different artists for every mood. Music inspires my body and soul, and today, I am in a very soulful mood. I lie here in the grass on a beautiful spring day as the sun shines through my strawberry blonde hair and onto my pale white skin. Then my music library shuffles to Dave Matthews Band and the song “Dreamgirl” begins my turn-on, and then continues with “Crash Into Me.” Both of which make my soul sing with desire and orgasmic energy. It feels very fitting for this divine moment. I start singing along and thinking about how EVERY woman should have at least one man, if not more, in her life that looks at her this way. I close my eyes and dream of one of my lovers sitting next to me and staring at me with a mischievous boyish grin of desire and hope. Taking in not only the sun reflecting off of my body, but also looking deep into my soul to see all the beautiful little messy parts of me that he adores. It brings a beautiful smile to my face. I start to dream of my “Dream-man” where we continually and playfully ‘crash’ together! Chasing after one another in an animalistic playful way that is also sensual, where we are eating each other up, and can’t get enough at that moment.
I push my lover back onto the bed and tell him it’s his turn to receive and my turn to play. As he lies back, I begin my slow tease over his legs, thighs, and eventually to his cock. I can feel his energy radiating through him into my mouth, and then my eyes flick up to meet his. He gives me a boyish grin as he tells me how good I feel, but what he doesn’t know is that right before his grin I caught a complete look of vulnerability on his face. His cock’s energy tells the story of this vulnerability as it pulses. His mouth begins a quick dance to avoid the feelings, “Are you comfortable?” “You don’t have to keep going if you don’t want,” “You look beautiful like that,” and then several derogatory comments towards his cocks performance. I slide his cock out of my mouth, and with a gentle touch, I simply say, “Shh, just relax and enjoy it. I’m having a great time. Focus on your pleasure.” Once again, we sink into the sensation and rhythm.
Scenario 1: We have just come out from an extraordinary concert that has my heart dancing from the beautiful music. As we walk down the sidewalk, he grasps my shoulders and pushes me to the right, and I get jokingly scolded as he explains that he needs to be between me and traffic. In this moment, he wants to be my protector.
Scenario 2: I patiently sit and wait for him to come around to my side of the car and open the door. I have to take a second to breathe past my conditioning of doing things for myself and just allow. He opens the door, I place my hand in his, and he gives me a gentle kiss before guiding me to our destination as I thank him for his thoughtfulness.
Scenario 3: We are lying on the couch and just chatting as he shows me some interesting pictures and videos on social media. The conversation turns slightly sexy, and there is definitely a sexual tension in the room, but I feel frozen and am not making any moves. Then he suddenly stands up, grasps my hand, says he wants me, and pulls me up the stairs to his bedroom where we have an evening of play.