The last three weeks I’ve been making some major dietary changes in order to pump up my energy and immune system. The changes were difficult to settle into and there are still more coming down the pike that are making me step out of my comfort zone in some new and beautiful ways. In truth I’m having fun with it!
Though I’ve noticed an increase in those I love becoming food “pushers”. Them all knowing what my current desires is and that is to super-charge my health and vitality and yet it is….
“Just try it, it’s for you”
“You know you want it”
“Come on! Don’t be silly. You will like it”
“It wouldn’t kill you to take a bite”
These comments even after I’ve politely declined and re-shared MY desire for my body.
But this did not match with THEIR desire for me.
And each time it has happened it stirs a deep anger inside of me. Knowing that those I love are trying to love on me with some yummy food… and I do enjoy a good dish.
And so it got me thinking…
How the above pushing about a simple thing like food is a mirror to what we do in many areas of our relationships. We continue to push our desires for someone over their desires for themselves.
Thinking we know the other persons best interest or inner world better than they are able to feel for themselves.
The above pushing around food is the exact same type of pushing that I hear and have experienced from past partners in the bedroom. The pushing despite a line and desire being set. The grumpiness and childlike behaviors that can follow a boundary being set.
An offer for food, sex, to help out is a beautiful thing. There is nothing wrong with a sincere offer or a sharing of your own personal desires.
The problem is when we push someone’s consent after they have set a line.
Raping their desires.
Pushing our wants/desires above theirs.
There also is a lack of listening that is often happening in relationships that creates this build up of anger and resentment around this issue.
Which can create an emotional volcano within the person that is getting constantly push. And then when the person finally explodes the “pusher” is stunned!!!
“Where did that come from?”
“I was only offering (food, sex, opinion, help)”
If someone has stated to you several times that they are not interested in something… over, over, and over….
Shared their desire with you
or
Has asked for your support in not pushing against their personal desires…
Then you are not loving and in truth telling them that they don’t matter enough to be respected and listened to.
You are sending the subtle or not so subtle message that your desires come before their desires for themselves.
You know better!
And people “rape others desires” without realizing we are doing it.
We get excited about something or are not stopping to truly listen to those we claim to love and thus end up tripping over boundaries that have clearly been set.
The easiest ways to remedy this is to listen to someone’s NO and in general listen. Start making a conscious effort to actively listen to those around you. Most of what we are sharing and saying is read in-between the lines or if someone is repeatedly stating something then that is a clue!
Most of the time our learning to not hold boundaries, people-please, and the messages that our desires don’t matter come in these tiny ways.
I challenge you today to think about the ways and places you are raping others desires. Forcing yourself on them without their desire.
Sending you…
Love, Light, & Blessings,
Addison
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