I sit in a group of wonderfully gifted psychics. They share on what they see, hear, and are experiencing. They talk about these magnificent experiences that blow the human mind.
And as I look upon the same room that is apparently full of these experiences I see/hear a magnificent load of…. NOTHING.
Yes, I feel a heightened energy! But that truly is all.
I judge myself. I must not have “it”.
The beautiful spiritual gifts I crave.
I am in a room with a gorgeous man as he kisses me, caresses me, and touches me in all the right ways. This should be leading to some mind-blowing soul shaking orgasms in my body. I breathe in and feel an amazing amount of ….NOTHING.
Yes, I feel his touch and the orgasmic sensations but they are strangely disconnected.
I judge myself. I must not have “it”.
The depth of explosive orgasm.
I am walking through a meditation that was given to me by a teacher. I’m relying on this to make some extraordinary changes in my life. Push me me. Move me forwards. Reconnect me. And solve all my physical mumbo jumbo. I walk through each step. I lean deeper into my body. Deeper into self-love. Deeper in acceptance of the holdings. I feel an extraordinary amount of…you guessed it…NOTHING.
I judge myself. I must not have “it”.
The connection to heal all that is going on within.
I start to think thoughts about the pointless nature of ALL OF IT! I don’t have “it” after all. I worry about not having the same magnificent, mind-blowing, extraordinary moments that are out there.
Am I not growing?
Am I doing something wrong?
Am I missing something?
The truth is, and the truth I keep reminding myself of, is that all our experiences are moving us forwards. Everything we experience is there for a reason but it is always moving us forwards. Maybe not in the way one would desire… but still moving us.
It would be amazing if all our experiences thew us exactly where we desired to be. BAM.. right in the middle of the orgasm we desire, the spiritual experience, the job, the body, the health. Though this can sometimes happen, many times it is the moment by moment decisions and progress.
In each of these scenarios it’s not that I didn’t have “it”
It was simply where I was. I know I there is much deep within myself, and within you that is still yet to be opened, expanded, and simply reconnected.
Just because you have “it” sometimes does not mean you necessarily need to have it all the time. And somethings just require the small moments of cracking things open.
I see this in my clients. They desire to be blown open in different areas of their lives… which at times is exactly what happens. But most of the time it is the daily practices. The not giving up and the continued faith that is in the end what makes the most amount of sustainable change.
Just because you might not be there NOW does not mean you will not be there EVER.
And yes, believe me I know how difficult that belief can be to hold when you are down in the trenches of your dreams, goals, and desires! Its the continual reminder to ourselves.
We fail when we stop trying.
We fail when we throw in the towel on something our heart really desires.
We fail when we give up on ourselves.
You’ve got IT within you if you keep stepping forward.
I’ve got IT within me if I keep stepping forward.
Let’s step forward together!
Light & Love,
Addison
