There!

When I get there, my life will be perfect. When I get there, I will be happy. When I get there, I will be able to focus on my family/friends. When I get there, I will be able to do the things I’ve always wanted to do. There, There, There… but never Here.

I’ve said it, and I bet you have said it too. The comments about how things will be different when you have reached a goal. The problem being that, for most of us, this goal is a constant moving target or it never creates the total life change that we expect. We keep on a lifelong search for our happiness, joy, time, and perfect life that never comes. We put our joy off until the ‘perfect’ man/woman comes into our life, until we get that new promotion, until we have enough money in the bank, until we are fully enlightened, until… we die. Read more

Hold Me!

I sit there on the floor, leaning back into the arms that wrap around my body and legs that create a cradled sensation. All clothes are on, and there is zero sexual energy in the room, but instead, a quiet reverence. I specifically requested to be held, and that’s exactly what I got, which sounded great in theory, but feels incredibly vulnerable in this moment. I both want to cuddle down closer to soak in the simple touch that I was craving and simultaneously, I want to run because I can feel emotions rising in my chest from the simple process of being held without expectations. Read more

How I Lost 25lbs and Gained Sexual Empowerment Through Tantra

From the time I was 10 years-old until I was in my twenties, I fought a bloody battle with my own body, which manifested as anorexia and bulimia. I spent 15 years in what can only be described as a hell of my own body but more than anything, a place where I was a prisoner of my own mind. I was blessed, however, to get help and eventually fully recover. I learned to come to a place of peace with my body and formed an essence of neutrality. I no longer put effort into trying to lose weight because I knew this was a slippery slop to relapse. Through the years of recovery it became apparent that I needed to work on my past sexual trauma that was keeping me stuck in not only a war against my body but in many areas of my life, especially my sexuality. I would later learn that most individuals with eating disorders also have some difficulties with their sexuality in some form or fashion. I went to therapy religiously and pushed myself to open up internal boxes that I had bolted shut. The deeper I dug the more disgusted I found for my sexuality and the more my body shut down physically.

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Balancing Gratitude & Pain

I am sitting in my car in rush hour traffic when I feel it happen. I am listening to music and a song that always touches my heart comes on over the speakers, and I just feel tears start rolling down my cheeks. I am thankful that I’m in traffic and not really moving because the tears come faster and overtake my vision. The tears are a release of sadness, anger, hope, and disappointment; they are also releasing of energy that was never mine to begin with, energy that I picked up throughout the day. I let the tears roll down my face, leaving glistening wet stripes covering my cheeks and a puddle of collected tears on my shirt. I don’t try to brush them away. All of a sudden a feeling of frustration with myself overcomes me because although I am experiencing all these emotions, I am also feeling very grateful for my life. I have had some amazing sessions this week, had some heartfelt moments, great sex, and a list of about a million other little blessings that transpired over the week.

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Lifes Little Orgasms

As I sit here in my car in the hot Texas summer, I have a sense of peace in my heart. I look out the car window and am amazed at the beautiful green trees that stand resilient against the beating heat. If you look hard enough you can see a pure white aura glowing from their steady statures. Around is a dazzling blue cornflower blue sky with white puffy clouds that make me want to dive into their marshmallow-ness. Even the soft breeze that blows through my window and dance across my skin takes strands of my hair off on a miniature dance.

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