I could have sex any day, anytime, anywhere that my little heart desired it. It would be easy to open my phone and call up a handful of old lovers or to go into the dating app on my phone to find a quick hook-up. If I really wanted, I could even go on a few dating sites and get paid to have dinner, drinks, and then go back to their room. Sex and you get paid… the point is that it’s not hard to find sex in this day and age!
I remember chatting with a friend over the phone a few months back, and my words to her were that I was incredibly “Underf*cked” at that moment and feeling like my energy, body, and simply my ‘light’ was severely suffering due to lack of sex. At that moment, my friend understood exactly what I was getting at and knew that it is not the mechanical type of sex that I know I would get with any of the above options that I was craving. No, at best, those scenarios would only lead to good sex… I wanted Soul-Shaking, Orgasm-Awakening, Heart-Penetrating Sex!
The truth is that simple good sex is not good enough to fill a woman consistently (and actually men too)! In order to get our bodies, minds, and spirits all functioning in harmony, we need a deeper level of sexing that not only includes our genitals, but really penetrates our hearts. Without this connection, then an orgasm is left lacking depth, and we are not filling the truly divine emotional and spiritual connection.
If sexing is only going to lead to a masculine energy, 60-second climax party, then the truth is I don’t want it. It takes too much energy and further separates me from the true orgasmic potential that is present with deeper sexing. Once you have explored the depths of your sex, then ‘good’ sex is simply not worth your efforts on a consistent basis.
As a Sex and Relationship Coach, it is common when I ask people how their sex is? They say that they have ‘great sex,’ but once we begin to dig into things, they realize they have no reference for what deep soul-shaking sex is; thus, being unaware of how life-changing the depths of sex can be. As a woman, I can tell you the more I choose to settle for the low-level masculine energy-driven sex focused on climax, whether by myself or with another, the more I disconnect from a piece of my feminine and thus myself. I crave my man to penetrate my heart in sexing!
We all know what it’s like to have crap sex! However, what’s the difference between good sex and Soul-Shaking Sex… and how do we get it?
Good sex is sex that lasts for a longer period of time than the average 5-10 minutes of penetration. It includes good foreplay to get both parties more connected to their bodies and each other, there is heart connection and communication happening, and most importantly, both parties are engaged. There might be a clitoral orgasm or a vaginal orgasm. You might even get the occasional multiple orgasm. You feel connected to your partner and your partner to you. It’s good. No one is particularly complaining nor are they left on an emotional/energetic high for days afterward. You enjoy yourself, but there is an aching in your body that craves MORE!!!
Soul-Shaking Sex is sex that lasts an extended amount of time both in connecting prior, during, and then after the directly sexual acts. It is sex where you totally release all things outside of that moment and surrender to yourself, your partner, and God. Total release and exploration of the beautiful energy being shared at the moment. There is touching, kissing, caressing, playfulness, heartfelt communication, mindfulness, penetration that starts at the heart and travels to the genitals, and up to the heavens. You are dancing in the Universal orgasm where every touch, kiss, and moment of penetration brings you closer to God.
Although I say good sex isn’t good enough, this is somewhat misleading. First, there are different levels of “good sex” and “soul-shaking sex,” and every time you have sex, it will be a different experience. We simply hope to continue to push deeper and deeper into connecting with our depths in sexing. The truth is that not every time we have sex does it need to be hours long and have a moment of touching the big toe of God. That would be amazing, but the point is to make sure that you are having a deeper level of sex consistently to build a level of orgasm that sustain. To explore your energy, your heart, and your soul. To always strive to be connective, heartfelt, and open while also giving yourself grace when this does not happen.
Woman, in particular, get a bad reputation for being less sexual, but in truth, most of the time, it is due to her not having sustained and consistent level of deeper orgasm… g-spot, vaginal, cervical, etc. AND also having her heart turned on as well in the process. A woman that is multi-orgasmic in the bedroom and can ride the wave eventually will find a new level of homeostasis if she is consistently “fed” in this way. Only then can she have the occasional sexual encounter where there is not as much time to connect, presence, or opening of the heart; and it’s not by depleting, disconnecting, and she still being able to tap into her orgasm.
These are those moments where the kids are going to be home in 20 minutes, and you only have time for a quickie. If we are depleted, it becomes one more moment where we only got a 60-second climax that was unfulfilling and disconnecting. However, if we are already filled with other moments of connection and sex, then it instead becomes playful and chances of opening up to a deeper orgasm, even in these moments, are higher… so maybe we only get a mixed clitoral/vaginal orgasm. The fact is then our bodies aren’t starving for true orgasm and so are able to have an overflowing of this energy versus trying to build from the ground up each time sexing happens.
Though the majority of people have never experienced soul-shaking sex and so the above scenario. The average woman does not know what it’s like to be filled nor does the average man!
So what are some ways to get there?
- Stop the time excuse – You CAN find time to carve out 2-3 hours with a partner to begin to explore your sexing. You may not be able to do it every day, but if you truly desire deeper sexing, you will make the time. For men, this means learning to control ejaculation in order to sustain.
- Slow the fuck down!! – The average woman needs 20-40 minutes minimum to be ready for any kind of penetration. The faster sex goes for both parties, the less connected to your body. Explore each other’s bodies, give massages, talk, touch, and tease. Make love to ALL the aspects of your partner’s body, mind, heart, and soul.
- Communicate Lovingly – Loving communication will allow both parties to enter their heart centers and thus open up the energy systems for the sexual energy to flow smoother, thus increasing the ability to reach deeper orgasms.
- Leave the Vibrators & Toys Behind! – Most people use vibrators for all the wrong reasons. When exploring your sexual depths, in the beginning, leave vibration behind. Really any sex toys. There is nothing wrong with occasionally playing with toys in the bedroom, but this should be to add-on once deeper sexing has been established.
- Stop the Clitoral Madness!! – The clitoris has the most nerve endings of any area of the human body, but when it becomes the sole focus point during sexing and masturbation, then you lose the ability to find deeper pleasure. The whole female body can be orgasmic and so needs to be touched. Many women have shut down their sensation through vibrators, trauma, and stored emotions, and so mistakenly believe that g-spot, cervical, vaginal, nipple, and other orgasms are not possible. Take the time to lay off the clit and focus on re-awakening sensation in other areas. Not avoiding the clit, but also focusing elsewhere.
- Surrender – Learn to trust and surrender. Pushing against that edge of fearful surrender is the only way to enter the depths of your sexing. This might require some communication outside of the bedroom to establish trust, boundaries, intimacy, etc. If needed, find outside help in a sex coach or holistic practitioner.
Those should be good starting points for you to jump deeper into your sex. Stop thinking that good sex is good enough and demand more of yourself and your partner.
Mind-blowing sex is right there waiting for you if you only allow it!