I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I find my deeper self in my tantra sessions.
I have a handful of other practitioners that I will occasionally swap sessions with in order to make sure I am moving my own energies.
And this session started out like any other session.
Actually it didn’t…
My expectations for this session were super low because it was a last minute session and was meant to be short and to the point.
Just a way to re-harmonize chakras after some intense personal work recently.
I went in thinking it was going to be an easy session with some light energy movement. In truth I didn’t think much about it at all. I even at one point suggested just cancelling since life has been a tad crazy.
Though a few minutes in and energies intensified.
I found myself in deep orgasmic energy.
My genitals were on fire and felt like they were being electrocuted
The energy in my throat was bursting through with moans
and
My heart was cracking open while my eyes streamed with tears
And then I saw a wall.
I was being touched the way I desired to be touched… but would I allow it in
I was energized in a way that was nourishing but… yet a little intense and frightening
I was faced with all the things I knew I WANTED
And all the things my body and more so my spirit NEEDED
All the things I had been asking for but yet…
It was crazy vulnerable.
THIS is not how I had asked for the opening
THIS is not how I expected the energy would come to me
THIS is not where I thought I would be leaning fully into my current pleasure ceiling
I could run away… or lean in.
I took a few deep breaths.. thought “f*ck it!” and allowed whatever needed to flow to flow.
I saw my ego.
I experienced that feeling of vulnerability
I allowed areas to reawaken that have felt closed
And made weird nosies, cried, and felt my heart open.
AND
I had one of the most fully embodied and spiritually connected sessions I’ve had in a long time.
A session where I felt my energy moving and experienced the beauty of my body and the moment without stepping into fear, denial of sensation, or those little pockets of shame that arise when we dive deep into our psyche.
And the reason I’m claiming…
Well #1 because I’ve been doing the external work to move my energy in a whole new way
BUT
The main reason is because I walked in without expectation.
I walked into session out of my brain and not thinking about “doing” anything to open to my energy and pleasure….
I really walked in clueless about what the session would look like that day.
I left my ego at the door…
Yes even the spiritual ego that says I should use this breath or that
The ego that is expecting self to break through blocks
The ego that has mind chatter and shame
I walked in clean and clear as I could be
I didn’t do it purposefully
I didn’t plan it out
I was just in the moment
And willing to allow what needed to happen in the session to happen
And my fellow practitioner was connected to self and the energy at a deep level where they were able to simply follow what was needed. Tuning in and opening up to intuition of what the session was calling for at that moment.
Now while this happened in a energy session…
The message remains the same for the bedroom…or life in general.
When we enter any situation with expectations and too attached to our brains, then we lose our ability to connect with self. Thus losing the ability to connect with our pleasure, our joy, our emotions, and our intuition.
When we allow ourselves to get really present in the moment and let go of expectation we open to a whole new level.
And if you are unable to let go of expectations to at least OWN THEM. To verbalize that you are stuck in expectation and your headspace. To admit to self and other that you are desiring a GOAL.
Whether that goal be a climax in the bedroom
A certain manner of connecting in a relationship
Or simply a deadline at work
Unowned expectations will lead to disappoint all the time
And expectations themselves create a blocking of the natural flow in our lives in general.
Expectations are found in our heads and our heads will never leads us to our deepest pleasures and alignment.
Find that space where you can leave your expectations at the door and just be and experience…
And see the beauty that can unfold.
Sending you all…
Love, Light, & Blessings,
Addison
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