Last night I was looking for something in my email from my mentor and in proper search fashion typed her name in the search bar. Up popped years worth of emails. I was curious and scrolled to the very bottom and began reading our very first coach/coachee interaction.
Tears welled up in my eyes and my heart felt such gratitude as I read. Gratitude for her and gratitude for myself. So many positive emotions come up when I read through these emails. And such love for that scared girl.
But as I read I quickly realized there was a message there for my followers and clients.
The girl that wrote that email was scared
She had no connection to her body and her sexuality.
She was so afraid of being judged and what others would think if they found out about her exploring…
(gasp)😲… her sex.
She was physically shut down to the point of not being able to have sex. She couldn’t enjoy her body might as well have an orgasm! Body holding years of trauma and mind holding even more. She was the furthest thing from “sexy” and she was blind to her spiritual gifts knocking on her door throughout her life.
Though, despite shaking in her boots…
Not having the money for coaching…
Having to overcome her shame & trauma
Societal messages that pushed against her…
Physical blockages that meant pushing through physical and emotional pain and discomfort…
Entering a scary new world she truly knew nothing about…
The girl that wrote that email wanted growth and WANTED IT BAD!!!
Desired a better life for herself and wanted to feel WHOLE as a woman.
That girl was unstoppable!!!
She may have looked shy and timid but was fierce in her passion for growth.
That girl knew what 30 seconds of insane courage was but at the same time knew what fear felt like as well.
She wasn’t going to let her fear be bigger than her soul goals.
That “girl” quickly turned into a hot fierce turned on woman.
That girl from the past and that woman now is… Me!
I love talking about and having good orgasmic sex.
I know that deep sacred sexing can change and heal our entire lives
I’ve done, written, and spoken proudly about things that would make many blush or shake their heads.
I continue to push out of my comfort zone daily.
I get a slew of judgment being thrown at me each and every day.
And I am happier than ever!!
And Yes I still feel fear come up!
Here’s where this applied to you…
I know you look at your life and things feel so out of reach and far away. You can’t see the path and it truly does feel like a pointless dream.
You think that you can’t have the change you desire.
Your logic gets in the way of thinking that miracles can happen and your life can transform for the better overnight.
You say you’re scared.
You say you don’t have the money
You say you don’t know what the right path is for you
You say you will do it next week, next month, next year…
And on and on…
I feel your heart love!
I feel your desire!
I feel your fear!
And I can have compassion for your internal turmoil about stepping up into your life and desires.
Yes, it’s scary AF and I remember being literally shaking I was so nervous at times. And let’s get real… I still feel that when expanding in my own life!
And I understand that desire to quit or to not even begin.
I have compassion and understanding for the fear of uncertainty.
But if I’m totally honest then…
Part of me does NOT understand.
That girl that wrote the emails and the woman that sits here today.
Despite my crazy words… at no point was I actually going to quit.
Many of the above emails were me allowing my Ego to simply have a voice to my coach and allowing myself to see it. You only got portions of the emails but at the bottom of most I would state that I wasn’t actaully going to quit and that I was determined to have a better life!!
I don’t understand quitting on something you really desire.
I don’t understand letting your fear be bigger than you soul goals.
If you want it.
If your soul is screaming for it.
If you need it!
Then you can’t NOT do it!!
You are either going to live for yourself and live for your SOUL GOALS
You are going to let your fear be bigger than your soul!!
You’re going to let your ego win!
You are going to keep yourself small
You are going to live without the true joy you could be experiencing
You are going to live with that ache in your chest that wants more
Change is F’ing hard!!!
It’s scary and part of your just wants to run
But it does not make sense to me why you would come right up to the edge and then just back down. To give up and not even give yourself a chance!
In my experience, the best things are found on the other side of that fear. If I had not listened to my heart and soul…
If I had never filled out that application to work with Kendal.
If I had not shown up to that consult
If I had not gone to that first appointment
If I had not done the journaling, practices, and inner work
If I had not persisted through some massive physical pain, emotional pain, and into the pleasure.
If I had not kept pushing
Kept listening in and stepping into my soul goals…
Then I would never have become a tantric practitioner
I would have never healed and truly transformed my body in the ways I have healed
I would never have touched into my spiritual gifts in the way I have
I would not have mind-blowing sacred sexing
I would not be coaching and most likely still be stuck in a therapist job I hated
I would have missed out on some fantastic coaching, amazing wisdom, and ultimately a friendship that means the world to me.
And more than any of that… I would not have missed out on my soul!
In truth, my ENTIRE LIFE would be different if I had not stepped in.
If you want a life that is passionate and purposeful
A life that has such joy and ecstatic moments
Then you are going to have to cut the B.S. and choose to make the soul goals bigger than the fear you have coming up within you. You are going to have to choose to take the jump and build your wings on the way down.
Trusting that the Universe does have your back and that the money will come. The learning you need to achieve it will come. The pieces will inevitably fall into place if you are truly following your soul desires.
So do I understand when you say you are scared??
Yes, I totally get that.
Does that get you off the hook from doing the damn thing??
Not even close!
You can’t use…
“I have trauma”
“I’m just broken”
“I’m not worthy”
“I just won’t ever be able to orgasm, feel, experience, do it” (blah blah blah)
“I’m just too scared”
“You don’t understand”
Because I’ve been there and I’ve said it all.
And I pushed through that shit and each time and I decided to keep going. Push my ego aside and not let it control me.
And I’m going to tell you all the same thing I was told by my mentor years ago…
I will not let you give up on yourself if you are willing to step in!
If you go for it then I will be there every step of the way loving you and supporting you. However, I can’t make you do anything! And I won’t drag you! You have to want it.
Do it scared!
But do it!
Now go be an amazing Bad*ss today!
Make your soul goals bigger than your fear!!!
**Side note- Thank you to the woman that never let me give up on myself Kendal Rene’ Williams.**
No more excuses for not changing up your world
and doing the damn thing
I’ve got FREE…YES FREE CONSULTS
Until May 22nd.
These must be booked prior to May 22nd
But this is your chance to see what ways you can step deeper into your own life.
Apply Here: https://addisonbell.net/free-consults-until-may-22nd/